Someday We'll Know
by mtnwmgirl
Summary: After saving Professor Snape in the Shrieking Shack, Hermione expects that life after the Voldemort's death will improve. But when an accident turns her world upside down, she & Kingsley turn to Snape for help. DH compliant minus Snape living
1. Chapter 1: Lips of An Angel

**Disclaimers and Author's Notes**: The chapter titles are from songs, and neither the songs nor any part of JK Rowling's world belongs to me. This story is just for fun. Thanks to my awesome beta, Dawn!

I also feel the need to say that while it isn't nearly as depressing as "Sweeney Todd," it's not an animated Disney story either. This is primarily a tale of hurt, comfort, friendship, and the complexities of life when we are faced with choices.

I have posted this story on Ashwinder as well.

* * *

_**Someday We'll Know**_

**Chapter 1 "Lips of an Angel"**

_"Yes, I dreamt of you too…the lips of an angel" _-- Hinder

Neither Harry nor Professor Snape noticed her peer into the Shrieking Shack as Harry entered it. One glance at the pool of blood Professor Snape lay in told her all she needed to know.

"Bloody hell," she whispered as she climbed into the room. Ron was beginning to be a bad influence on her. She opened her bag of tricks and started rummaging until she found a small violet vial. Enlarging it to normal size, she walked over to the dying man.

As she dripped three drops onto the snakebite, he spoke to Harry, "Look… at… me."

Harry was still too stunned to notice her presence as he quickly pooled the memories into a goblet and turned to leave. Hermione leaned in closer to examine the wound. As she had expected, it was completely closed now. With a quick cleansing spell, she collected Professor Snape's blood into a vial. He needed a Blood-Replenishing Potion, but she did not have much of a supply. What if Ron or Harry needed it? She looked at the bottle in her hand. She spoke a purifying charm to clean the blood and added five drops of the Blood-Replenishing Potion to it. She pulled out her knife and poked a small hole in the vein where Muggles gave blood. Pouring the blood back into his system, she knew there was little else she could do.

The battle would begin soon and she had to be there. She was out of time, but a small worry nagged her. She had never doubted that Professor Snape was truly a member of the Order, a triple agent perhaps. Still, from what Ginny and Neville had said about the school year when Professor Snape was Headmaster… no sense in taking a chance. Lupin had already told her she put down her defenses too easily. That conversation seemed forever ago.

She stepped back from the barely breathing body and performed _Numerus Tutela_. It was one of the spells she had studied over the summer. It would keep whatever was enclosed protected until the one who cast the spell lifted it. No one else could break through the bubble, and if someone was enclosed inside, they could not escape. Hermione shook her bushy mane; she doubted that the professor would wake anytime soon. Looking at her handiwork, she thought the effect was almost surreal: her former Potions Master clad in black and enclosed in a glowing white tube of light. She wished she could stay. But there was no time left; she ran through the tunnel to catch up with the boys.

The continuing shouts and the cheering were almost too much for the trio that had been through so much together. They were basking in the glow of victory hours after Voldemort's defeat. Ron refused to release Hermione's hand, not that she would have protested. She was continually planting kisses on his cheek when she thought no one was looking. She nuzzled her head on his shoulder. It felt like home.

But then she remembered: the losses. Dear God! Hermione couldn't imagine what life would be like for poor Teddy. Despite being the godfather, Harry was too young to take care of him. Would Teddy be raised by Mrs. Tonks? It would be so much better than the Dursleys, but… And George! What would life be like without his twin? At least they had opened the joke shop and fought in the war together. Still, Fred had been so young. And then Colin… He had been so foolish to stay, so brave…

And then Hermione remembered Professor Snape. She had left him in the Shrieking Shack. From what Harry had said to Voldemort during the battle, it was clear that Professor Snape had never betrayed the Order. She leaned over and gave Ron another kiss before saying that she needed to leave. He protested, but she smiled and left.

It took some time to levitate Professor Snape to the hospital wing from Hogsmeade. She used the tunnel because she was wary of going through Hogmeade with a "Death Eater" and hated Headmaster. After everything that had happened, she wasn't sure how she still had the energy to use magic. All she knew was that she had to do this.

Once she entered Hogwarts, she had to find a place to put him. Most of the tables were housing the dead and so many of the beds were already occupied by the injured. Eventually, she found a spare bed in one of the temporary wards erected in the corridors. Carefully, she lowered his body onto the mattress. She severed the _Numerus Tutela_ charm. Hermione took his left wrist in her hand and checked for a pulse. It took a moment before she could detect a feeble beating. Suddenly, she felt a little odd as if she were suddenly shimmering. But that was silly. It had been a long day, the longest of her life. She was about to release him when she felt him grasp her hand.

"I… always… loved… you," he whispered.

For a second, Hermione's heart stopped. Surely, that could not be right. Professor Snape had never given her a second glance. And then she remembered what he had seen before losing consciousness were Harry's eyes, Lily's eyes.

Swallowing hard, she smiled, "Yes."

He tried to open his eyes but the effort was too much for him. He simply smiled. Then, Hermione felt something else strange happening to her. She was speaking, but the voice did not sound like her. She was not entirely sure what she was saying.

"Severus, why did you join them? You were my best friend; I could have loved you, but then, I told you I didn't trust them…"

"I wanted to impress you." He could not speak above a whisper and every word cost him immense effort.

"You hated me like 'Tunia did. I felt so alone."

_Tunia?_ Hermione thought, confused.

"I was bitter. Lily, I tried… I tried to save you."

"You saved my son. That is all that matters to me. You redeemed yourself, Severus. All I ask is that you allow yourself some peace."

_Well, that seems like sound advice._

"Lily…" he pleaded.

Later, Hermione would never know what prompted her to lean towards her former professor. And had she been in control of her body, she very much doubted that such an indiscretion would ever have happened. Still, she would always recall with remarkable clarity how she gently leaned forward until her lips were centimeters from his. The contact was subtle at first, like a warm summer breeze. Then, the kiss deepened. It was full of hope and promise. As she pulled away, she looked down at the tresses of hair that had fallen over her shoulder. That wasn't her hair; it was smooth and flat. She closed her eyes for a moment. Suddenly, she felt the shimmering feeling stopped. Hermione dared to reopen her eyes. The hair lying on her shoulder was now the unruly frizz that she knew so well. But then, what… Lily? Was such a thing possible?

Before she could ponder the mystery further, Ron and Harry appeared. She felt a surge of relief. If they had come any sooner… She and Ron had just found each other. No, that was something she would not have been able to explain. But then, if she hadn't looked like herself… Utterly confused, she pushed the incident out of her mind. Maybe later… But in her heart, Hermione knew that this was one mystery she had no desire to solve.

"Hermione? Is that Snape?" Ron did a double take. "You saved Snape? Back at the Shrieking Shack? What the hell?"

"Wait. Where's the bite from Nagini?" Harry asked simultaneously. "He'd lost too much blood…"

"Honestly," Hermione scoffed. "Did you really think that after all my preparations I was going to forget about healing spells? Ron, when your dad… was attacked, I got nervous. Remember how no one at St. Mungo's could heal it quickly? I knew we'd have to face that snake again. And what if the same thing happened? What if one of us was bitten?

"We wouldn't be able to get to St. Mungo's. Voldemort would have made certain we were... So I did some research after the holidays. I came up with a potion that I thought might help… it was purely theoretical, of course. And there were some rare ingredients. Really rare. I wasn't even sure that Professor Snape would have them. So I decided to ask him. Maybe I could buy them from him. I wanted a second opinion on the potion, anyway."

"You went to Snape?" Harry was incredulous. "But, he—"

"Had only started giving you Occulmency lessons. I figured… I had no reason to suppose that he would be... well, he had to be around Nagini. It would be useful to everyone in the Order. He actually seemed… impressed almost by my research. Well, impressed is probably a bit strong, but he gave me the ingredients freely—even after I offered to pay him. Then, he let me set up the experiment in his private lab. I came by about once a week to work on it."

"And you didn't tell us?" Ron spoke with the air of a hurt dog.

"Right. I knew how thrilled you'd be about my working with Professor Snape. I'm sure you would have loved that. Anyway," Hermione waved away further interruptions, "the potion wasn't ready until a few weeks before OWLs; I never did have a chance to test it out. I wasn't about to volunteer to get bitten by Nagini just to see if the potion closed up the wound. But I thought that if the situation arose, we'd at least have a chance… and then tonight… He'd helped me prepare it. How could I not try and use it to save him?"

"Not to mention if it didn't work, it's not like we'd have lost anything," Ron smirked.

"I hadn't thought of that. That's what I love about you, Ron, your sensitive and caring nature," Hermione chuckled.

"Well, you saved the bastard. Now he'll have to be nice to you." Harry patted Hermione's arm. "You are brilliant."

"No, Harry." Hermione shook her head. "I don't want him to know it was me. Promise me neither of you will tell anyone?"

With looks of astonishment, the boys reluctantly nodded their heads. Then, Ron ventured, "Why not?"

"Professor Snape doesn't like to be in anyone's debt. And think of the times he's saved us. We really owed it to him. Not the other way around."

"So what now?" Harry looked very uncomfortable and clearly wished to change the subject.

"I'm going to 'rescue' my parents from Australia," Hermione smiled.

"Not tonight," Harry said firmly. "Give it a night to let the news reach the rest of the wizarding world. The last thing we need is you captured by some Death Eaters in Australia who don't know they lost."

"Besides, you need some sleep," Ron said protectively.

"Alright, alright. But first thing in the morning, I'm Apparating." Hermione slung one arm around each boy, and they turned to leave the ward. She paused to erect protection wards around Professor Snape's bed. Fat lot of good all her work would have done if someone murdered him in his sleep. Now only those wanting to help him would be able to touch him.

"Hermione, you think of everything." Ron shook his head in amazement.

"Well, I try." She couldn't hide her pleasure from the compliment. They sauntered off to find the rest of the Weasleys.


	2. Chapter 2: What's Left of Me

** Chapter 2 "What's Left of Me"**

_"I'm broken and I'm faded. I'm half the man I thought I would be."_ -- Nick Lachey

Moving his body from Hogwarts to St. Mungo's produced no change in the unconscious patient, the Healers noted. Severus Snape slept, without waking, through the funerals of Tonks, Lupin, Fred, and through the installment of the new Ministry. The _Daily Prophet _ printed an exclusive on how Professor Snape's body was slowly recovering from the poison and from the terrible strain he had placed himself under during the war as a triple agent for the Order of the Phoenix.

Severus woke about a week later to find himself in the oddest room. Everywhere he looked there were bouquets of flowers and boxes of chocolate with cards (unopened) piled high along the floor. His body ached so he knew he must still be alive. What had happened? He remembered the Dark Lord accusing him, Nagini coming towards him, searing pain, and then Lily's eyes. Lily's kiss, the one moment of perfection in his life. Lily had saved him. Confusion shrouded Severus's mind.

It seemed impossible that his dead love have saved him. Maybe it would make sense once his head stopped pounding…But the other explanation-that he had kissed Potter-was too disgusting to think on. As the dreaded possibility floated across his mind, he involuntarily shuddered and groaned.

"Ah, Severus. I see you have returned to us."

Snape slowly turned his head in the direction of the deep, rich bass. A tall black man was standing near the end of the bed with his arms crossed over his chest. As Severus replied, his voice was hoarse but still retained its sarcastic tone: "Kingsley. To what do I owe this pleasure?"

"It's Minister of Magic now. Well, Acting Minister at any rate. How do you feel?"

"Bloody awful."

"Not surprising," Kingsley smiled. "You're very lucky, you know. Madam Pomfrey found you in one of the makeshift beds at Hogwarts. No one knows how you got there."

Severus hardly felt the need to disclose his wild speculations about how he was saved to the man before him. He simply replied, "The last thing I recall is Nagini biting me."

"You were bitten?" Kingsley looked surprised. "But there were no bite marks on you. It wasn't in your report."

"What?" Severus tried to sit up but only succeeded in moving a few inches before collapsing backwards.

"Careful, my friend." Kingsley restrained him from further movement with a hand on his shoulder. "Perhaps Nagini missed you. Maybe you were simply knocked out. Why did you think you were attacked?"

"The Dark Lord seemed to think I was his problem with the Elder Wand. He was under the impression that since I had killed Dumbledore, killing me would make him invincible."

"Obviously not. He was defeated."

Snape smirked. "As if I would be alive if he hadn't been."

Kingsley stroked his chin. "Strange that you think you were bitten…"

"I'm sure it isn't too important." Snape lied. "What is all this mess?" He irritably gestured to the piles of gifts littering his room.

Kingsley broke out into a rich laugh. "Just a few gifts from well-wishers. I think there are witches lining up for any member of the Order, but for the triple agent? The only one who could lie to You-Know-Who? My friend, they are fighting to fawn all over you."

"Really? I thought that if I lived no one would…"

Kingsley interrupted. "Yes, well, I have to admit I was prepared for charges against you for your actions as a Death Eater. But it seems that Miss Granger found a loophole in the law. As you were on the winning side, it seems that you are cleared of the charges for your crimes as a Death Eater. The_ Daily Prophet_ had a field day with your heroism and popular opinion held for you, though I have no doubt that Harry was instrumental in swaying opinions. Everything Harry says these days is practically law, and he has been very vocal about how you and Dumbledore were the masterminds behind Voldemort's fall."

Severus smirked. "Naturally."

"The mediwitches say you can be released in a few days. There are still celebrations every night. As the recipient of the Order of Merlin, First Class, it would be a shame for you to miss them."

Snape's eyes widened. Forgiveness of past crimes would have been an exceptional gesture of the former Ministry. He would never have been rewarded for his sacrifices…Slowly, he nodded. "Yes, it would be such a waste."

"Don't expect to just glare at the dancers either." Kingsley chuckled. "Once the witches hear you're awake… well, I'd put up some extra wards at Spinner's End."

Severus smiled as Kingsley left the room. Life had suddenly become promising for the first time in decades. After all, Lily had told him to live his life, to move on. Now, Potter was safe, his life debt was paid, Voldemort had been vanquished, and Dumbledore would never interfere in his life again. Severus was actually free to live his own life with no attachments. But what was a life without Lily? Ever since he had first seen her at that playground, Severus's heart had beaten only for her.

But Lily had left him years ago when she had chosen James. And now for the first time in his memory, witches—attractive witches—were apparently fighting for him. Maybe he could put Lily behind him, or at least have some fun trying. Yes, life was certainly looking up.


	3. Chapter 3: Mama, I'm a Big Girl Now

**Chapter 3 "Mama, I'm a Big Girl Now" **

"_Mother please, give it a rest!" Hairspray_

Hermione sighed contentedly as her mother smoothed her hair and began twisting it into a complex knot. It had been two weeks since she had found them and brought them back home. The whole story of the past year took a while to explain. Her parents had been quite impressed by all the _Daily Prophet_ and_ Quibbler_ articles that praised their daughter. The fridge was now a hodgepodge of waving Hermiones, Rons, and Harrys.

Last night had been a quiet evening with the Weasleys to celebrate (rather belatedly) Hermione's 18th birthday; her parents had been disappointed that when she had become an adult in the eyes of Muggles they had not even remembered her existence. "We know seventeen is legal in the Wizarding World. And in September, you'll be nineteen. Nineteen on the 19th, we'll do something special for that," her mum had said. "But eighteen is still special. And who knows where you'll be when September comes around?" Yes, eighteen was special: they had survived on their own, defeated Voldemort, and now could just be themselves.

Ever since the Final Battle, nightly celebrations had required her presence as a war heroine. She had never been much for balls, but it was rather exciting: knowing that it was all truly over. However, Ron was being difficult, saying he wanted to escort her, but Hermione had said that was silly. He was going anyway. They would be together whether they came in together or not. Hermione's only other disappointment was the press. She wished they would stop hounding her when she arrived at the events.

But the press was not going to dampen her spirits; every night she had dragged her parents to the functions. They were slowly catching on to how things were done in the magical world. They would constantly tell her not to worry about them, to just go with Ron and have a good time. But she would shush their protests and push them out the door with her, metaphorically speaking.

Too often in the last year, Hermione had feared she would never see her parents again. This would be her last summer at home. Ron and Harry had already moved into number 12. They were working with Kingsley to revamp the Auror Department. Ginny was helping George run the joke shop, but Ron was going to take over when she went back to Hogwarts in the fall.

But Hermione felt no need to rush into her adult life. She had written a few articles for the _Prophet_ and_ Quibbler_ on equal rights for all magical creatures. She contacted Ministry officials daily on the issue. Her recent exposure to fame had proven that people would rush out to buy anything written by her. Now, she was planning to write a book to raise awareness of the prejudices against non-wizards. She could easily finish it in the summer. Some of the research she had done back when she started SPEW and for Buckbeak's case. Why not put her fame to good use? Some people might even bother reading the copy they bought. Yes, a nice relaxing summer was well within her rights.

"There," Mrs. Granger spoke as she smiled in the mirror at her daughter. "Ron won't be able to take his eyes off you."

"Mum, I don't think that has much to do with how I look." Hermione laughed. "But you've done a brilliant job."

"I'm just so glad you found someone your age."

Hermione looked outraged; she knew where her mother was going. Back in her fourth year, it had been a constant source of arguing when her parents found out who was her date to Yule Ball. "Viktor wasn't that much older."

"But you were so young… fifteen…"

"Well, nowadays I feel at least thirty-eight, so you needn't worry," Hermione countered, hoping not to dwell much on this sore point.

"Yes, you've been through a lot, darling. And who could understand better than Ron?"

Hermione smiled. "He really can be sweet."

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That night's affair was hosted by the Ministry. Therefore, Hermione had every intention of cornering the head of the Magical Law Enforcement to discuss house-elf rights. The woman had failed to respond to Hermione's letters so far.

The ballroom was aglow with floating bubbles of light that changed colors in time with the music. A full orchestra was suspended mid-air across from the entrance to accommodate the crush of guests. Dr. and Dr. Granger were soon waylaid by a reporter who wanted details about Hermione's childhood.

"What exactly is a dentist?" he asked.

Hermione moved on. Her parents enjoyed bragging about her and "increasing interworld understanding" as they termed it. They would not be finished for quite some time. Within seconds, Ron had materialized at her side.

"Did you Apparate?" she asked, surprised that he had found her so quickly.

"No, just been on the lookout for the most beautiful woman in the room."

Hermione laughed and pointed out a couple talking near the buffet, "I think Ginny's busy talking to Harry."

"Sisters aren't beautiful women. They're pests." Ron leaned forwards to kiss her lips.

Hermione jerked away. "Ron! I told you. Not in public."

"Everyone knows Harry and Ginny are an item," he whined.

"Look, you didn't spend your fourth year getting your name dragged through the mud because of who you dated!"

"Everyone loves us! There wouldn't be any mud."

"Ron, think. We were camping out alone for months. That's mud," Hermione whispered.

"But we weren't dating! I hadn't even kissed you," Ron complained. "Besides, Harry could have been the chaperone, right?"

Hermione sighed and tried a different tactic. "And what about your adoring fans? It might just break their hearts to find out you're taken."

Ron glanced over to the gaggle of giggling girls in the corner that were staring at him. "Yeah. Yeah, you're right, Hermione. Best break it to them gently."

Looking contemplative, he sauntered off in their direction. _Poor Ron,_ Hermione thought._ He really is too predictable for his own good. It's not as if I'm ashamed to be with him. My parents know and the Weasleys are very happy. I just don't think it's anyone else's business. The last thing I need is Rita Skeeter to complicate my life again. _

Later, when Hermione was laughing with Neville, she noticed a tall figure in black robes surrounded by simpering buxom beauties. _Well, well,_ she thought. _Looks like Professor Snape is finally learning how to enjoy life_.

Suddenly, the music stopped and Shacklebolt stepped forwards on the floating platform. "Witches and wizards. It is my profound pleasure to welcome back one of our heroes, who has been recuperating from injuries received during the Final Battle. His tireless efforts to protect our community made him a dreaded professor and an outcast. Despite immense personal suffering, he fearlessly protected the Golden Trio and was instrumental in Voldemort's defeat. I give you none other than Severus Snape!"

Wild applause broke out as a beam of light shone on Snape. His Order of Merlin was clearly visible. The smirk on his face underscored how much he was enjoying all the attention. As the noise died down, Hermione saw reporters flooding over to where her former Potions professor stood. No doubt the _Prophet_ would be filled with a Snape exclusive in the morning. Perhaps he would find the limelight more attractive than she did. She smiled softly. Snape certainly deserved some positive attention after all these years. It might even make him more pleasant, but she wasn't holding her breath.

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Arriving home in the wee hours of the morning, Hermione's mother surmised, "He certainly didn't look like a spy."

"Not every man can be Bond, darling." Mr. Granger kissed his wife's cheek.

"But still."

"Really, Mum. I thought the dark robes and ominous glares were fitting for a spy," Hermione argued.

"He certainly didn't treat you well at school."

"Right. Because being nice to—what did Shacklebolt call us?—the Golden Trio wouldn't have bothered the Death Eaters at all. He was undercover." Hermione rolled her eyes. She kept to herself that Snape's personal dislike for them probably fit into the picture as well. "He did save our lives and Harry's quite a bit, Mum."

With that, Hermione ran up the stairs and slammed her door.

Mrs. Granger pursed her lips in contemplation. "Darling, you're a good judge of age. How old would you say Snape is?"

"Thirty-eight. Why?"

"Oh, dear," his wife muttered. "I was afraid of that."

"What, dear?"

"Nothing. Just something Hermione mentioned earlier." Mrs. Granger looked up at the top of the stairs, wondering just how complicated this could get.


	4. Chapter 4: Notice Me

**Chapter 4 "Notice Me"**

"_What's it gonna take for you to see? To get you to notice me?"_ -- Zetta Bytes

Hermione was in her sweats, sitting in the comfy armchair. She had been procrastinating thinking about the future, but since the mail had came this morning, it could no longer be put off.

_Dear Miss Granger:_

_Due to the unusual circumstances surrounding this past year, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry has canceled all final examinations for students. Although final grades have been canceled for all students, O.W.L. and N.E.W.T. students must take these exams for placement in future classes and careers. Therefore, O.W.L. and N.E.W.T. students are offered two options. The first is to repeat the full year. This option is recommended to those students who missed a portion of the school year for any reason or who feel they might need extra time to prepare. The second option is a two-month review course with the examination taking place in November. This option is only recommended to those students who already feel prepared for the examinations. For those O.W.L. students who choose the accelerated option, they will still be responsible for the material previously covered in their sixth year classes when they rejoin their classmates in November. A review course will be available over the Christmas holidays for those students who feel they need extra help in catching up with their class. _

_Please send your reply by 21__st__ of July so that we have time to prepare timetables accordingly._

_Sincerely,_

_Headmistress McGonagall_

Only ten days left to decide. Hermione did not need anyone to tell her that she didn't need graduate from Hogwarts. She had already received numerous offers from the Ministry and companies wanting her endorsement. But that was not what she wanted. Yes, she had been told her years that she was the cleverest witch of her year, but that was not enough. She had never told the boys how she had always dreamed of being Head Girl. Of course, helping Harry rid the world of Voldemort was more important. But she had been very sad about not returning to the school last year.

Besides, she was going to ask Professor McGonagall if she could use the library at Hogwarts for more research on her book. She had used the Ministry achieves and its library, but Hogwarts had a less biased selection. If she stayed the whole year, she would have plenty of time to research. Of course, she had already written six chapters in the last few weeks.

And what would Hogwarts be like without Ron and Harry? She knew they were not planning to go back. It might be easier to just take the quick course. She could use the next few weeks to read all the seventh year texts and begin to study. Surely November would be doable… Then again… She had to take the N.E.W.T.s. She wanted employers to hire her based on her credentials. Helping vanquish Voldemort was enough to recommend anyone, but that just showed bravery and determination. So whoever hired her would be hiring her because she was part of the Golden Trio. But at least with good N.E.W.T.s, she could feel they were justified in their decision. She hoped. She didn't want people to think she was getting jobs because of her fame. She wanted to deserve it.

She sighed aloud.

"Everything alright, pumpkin?" her dad asked.

"Yeah," Hermione replied.

"Still trying to do decide what to do in the fall?" he smiled. "You have plenty of time. Don't fret. Besides, don't you have a party to get ready for?"

"No." Hermione shook her head. "All these dinners and balls is more than I can take. I owled the boys to let them know earlier. I can't take one more evening out. I mean, don't they get tired of celebrating? This is getting ridiculous."

"There, there. I know you don't want to leave us behind, but you should go. It's not often that your boyfriend can take you to places with dancing and great food every night. Once this stops, it'll probably never happen again." Her mum had entered the room with a plate of fresh biscuits.

Hermione took a triple chocolate one, her favorite, and smiled. "I've had enough parties to last me a lifetime. I wasn't made for fame. I'd rather be at home relaxing in these." She pointed to her sweats.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door; Mrs. Granger went to answer it. Ron, Ginny, and Harry quickly entered the room.

"What's this about your not going out tonight?" Ginny demanded. She looked breathtaking in her emerald robes.

"I'm just tired of all the fawning and hand-shaking. I haven't made any headway with the Ministry officials on equal rights at these parties. They just babble about what a great job we did and run away. It's infuriating!" Hermione thumped the armrest in her anger.

"Now, Hermione," Ron said. "You gotta think strategy. You want to get that book published, right?"

"Of course. What does that have to do with tonight?"

"If you want your book to stay big news, you've got to stay in the papers. Drop hints about your project. They'll eat it up. It's like wizard chess."

Hermione rolled her eyes, but she knew he was right. "Fine. Give me ten minutes. I will make an appearance. But then, I'm coming home and reading."

Eight minutes later, she came down the stairs in royal blue dress robes with her hair managed. Ron commented on how lucky he was that his girl didn't love primping, and they were off. The Grangers smiled as the two couples Apparated from the living room.

* * *

Ron had left to get her another glass of champagne, when Hermione heard a smooth voice whisper in her ear, "Saving you from the pack of wolves is he?"

"The what?" Hermione whirled around in confusion to find herself facing Professor Snape.

"That group of young men in the corner practically dying to get your autograph," he smirked. She followed his gaze and sure enough there were a group of handsome men staring at her. She had completely failed to notice their existence tonight or at any function before this.

"I'm surprised that you looked up from your adoring ladies long enough to notice," Hermione retorted.

"For a girl who's supposed to be so clever, I'm shocked you didn't notice them yourself," he said, evading her comment.

"I do hope you're enjoying the flocks of admirers. It'd be such a shame if someone here didn't. Harry only has eyes for Ginny, and Ron…" Hermione felt her voice trail off as she saw what had grabbed Snape's attention. Ron was blatantly flirting with a blonde who was shoving her cleavage in his face.

"Yes. Mr. Weasley is clearly too preoccupied with you to have time for his fans." Snape sounded quite pleased with himself.

"I'd rather have that competition than to hear the reporters shouting our names from every direction," Hermione mumbled.

"Dear, dear." Snape sounded almost gleeful. "Perhaps, Miss Granger, no one informed you that people in love want to proclaim their love. Just look at Ginny and Harry. But then, perhaps you aren't in love with Mr. Weasley? Perhaps you are looking for someone more… intelligent?"

"And those simpering beauties can all follow your explanations of your research?" Hermione quipped.

"Ah, Miss Granger, that's where you make an error. First, you assume that any lady who loves a hero must lack brains. I can assure you that several of the ladies associated with myself are far more scholarly than you could ever hope to be. But then," he smiled wickedly as he taunted her, "I am not looking for love or a life partner. I am merely enjoying myself. That is the difference."

Hermione could not come up with a sufficient reply. It was quite clear that Snape was taking several willing lovers. The thought troubled her. _Whatever happened to his devotion to Lily?_ But that was not all he had said. Although, she was not about to admit it to anyone, Snape's remarks about herself were also distressing. What if she didn't truly love Ron? They did have awful rows… What if…

"Of course, a mere eighteen-year-old should not contemplate marriage," Snape was saying.

"I don't recall saying that I was," Hermione replied.

"That, Miss Granger, is the first sensible thing I've heard you say in a long time." Snape nodded approvingly.

"Why must everyone assume that a relationship leads to marriage?"

"Because fools wish for happy endings."

"Fools wish for a lot of things." Hermione sighed. "I'm not saying it wasn't worth saving the world from Voldemort, but I swear I might just die if they expect me to show up at one more function..."

"What? Not in love with the fame and glory of being a heroine?" Snape raised his left eyebrow in surprise. "Miss Granger, since I have had the displeasure of knowing you, all you have ever done is to seek glory and attention. First, in class with your insipid know-it-all attitude. Then in those harebrain schemes with the Boy Wonders. How can you be such a hypocrite?"

"Professor Snape, that may be the nicest thing anyone has said to me in a quite some time." Hermione chuckled. It felt so good to be insulted instead of praised. Such a nice, realistic change. And Snape after everything was still himself. If Snape had treated her to flattery the world would be upside-down.

Snape looked taken aback. He had really been intending to see her face contort in frustration or her eyes snap fire. After a pause, he ventured, "And, why is that?"

"If I have to hear one more sugar coated compliment, I think I'll scream. Ron had to bribe me even to show up tonight."

"Ah." The corners of Snape's mouth turned upwards. "Promised you a gift? Perhaps a nice, long kiss?"

Hermione scoffed. "He offered me a very Slytherin argument. I am writing a book on equal rights for all magical creatures. Ron pointed out that staying in the public eye will likely pay off when the book comes out."

Snape just nodded so she continued, "I feel that if I think about how all this insanity can help the house-elves and the centaurs… well, it's a small price to pay."

"That sounds very Gryffindor," Snape remarked.

"I didn't say_ I_ could think like a Slytherin." Hermione shrugged.

"So you'll become a famous author. How wonderful."

"Well, what I really plan to do is spend all my efforts on working for equal rights. Writing is only a small stage of my plan," Hermione began and started rambling off on her methods and strategies for equal rights. Much to hear surprise, Snape did not shush or belittle her. He actually seemed interested in what she was planning to do.

"I think there are some books you could find useful in the Hogwarts library. I'll see if they can be sent to you," he said half an hour later after hearing every detail about the topics her tome would contain.

"Thank you. I really think the _Misuse of Ministry Power_ about the use of goblins as slaves in the 14th Century is on the fourth shelf from the fireplace about halfway down. I can't find anything like that in the Ministry, of course. And if you or Madam Pince know of any on the topic of the hunting of unicorns in 1724, that'd be very helpful. I really hope to at least outline another four chapters this week. I figure I can write the details as I—"

"Hermione, give it a rest. The poor Professor doesn't need to be lectured on his summer holidays." Ron had returned, belatedly, with two glasses of bubbly. "The poor guy is going to have first years in just a few weeks. Lay off."

Hermione looked ready to explode, but all she said was, "Ron's right. Sorry for talking your ear off, Professor."

Ron chuckled good-naturedly, "I care about the house-elves too, but no one can hold a candle to our Hermione. I don't know why she's even bothering to research. She has all the facts memorized." He gazed at her fondly.

"Undoubtedly," was all Snape said.

"So, Snape, are you still going to be teaching? Surely, you've been offered a job with the Ministry or at a research institute. You know, if you want to work with the Ministry we've some openings in the Auror Department. It's not like it used to be. You could help us start a whole new protocol."

Snape ignored the friendly olive branch and stated, "I've decided to return to Hogwarts. At least for the present. What about you, Mr. Weasley? Will you be returning to complete your last year?"

"Nah. Harry and I decided to go ahead and work for the Aurors. Shacklebolt said that if defeating Voldemort wasn't enough training, nothing would be. 'Course we'll still be doing the training, just not the full three years. I want to start as soon as possible." Ron's enthusiasm was just as strong as Hermione's had been a few moments earlier.

"I can't say that I'll regret your absence in my classroom," Snape replied.

"Likewise," Ron chuckled. "Guess it worked best all around."

"Indeed."

Hermione stood awkwardly near the two men, having watched them interact amicably for the first time in her memory. Suddenly, she had no desire to admit that she would be returning to Hogwarts for any period of time. Professor Snape seemed quite relieved at their supposed absence._ Not that it matters, of course,_ she thought._But I haven't told Ron yet, and this doesn't seem to be the best time…_

Then a lovely tall brunette with violet eyes came up to Snape and linked her arm in his. "Severus, darling. I was wondering if you were ever going to come back to me."

"Marguerite, these are some former pupils of mine: Miss Granger, Mr. Weasley." Snape then introduced them to his "friend" Marguerite Holworth. Hermione had a sneaking feeling that the beauty had walked over to gain the introduction, not to look for Sev-Snape.

"Well, Snape sure has come up in the world if a lovely lady like you is with him. He's quite a lucky guy," Ron delivered the compliment smoothly, and Miss Holworth blushed. Hermione strained not to roll her eyes; Ron was becoming a bit over the top lately thanks to all of his admirers. Suddenly she stared into Snape's face and had the crazy thought that he shared her sentiments. Her lips curved in a suppressed smile.

"Well, Miss Holworth, we would be cruel to keep you from Professor Snape any longer. It was a pleasure to meet you." Hermione and Ron smiled and walked away. Still, she had the most peculiar feeling that Snape was still watching her.

Hermione paused in front of a fountain off to the side of the room and pulled Ron near her. "Ron, I need to go home."

"Now?" He looked concerned.

"I'm just so tired. I know it's only ten." She started to smile. "But tell you what. If you still want to go to any party tomorrow night, I'll go with you-as your date."

"Really?" Ron's eyes widened in surprise.

"I just decided you're right, and so was I. It's nobody's business that we're together, but that doesn't mean we have to keep it hidden."

"Sure you don't want to hang out with us tonight? Harry and I are going to drive a car-Muggle style." Ron obviously thought this would be a great adventure.

"I don't know that I'd trust you to still have me alive at the end of the night," Hermione laughed. "I think I'll just have a quiet evening at home."

"Well… goodnight, then." Ron squeezed her hand tightly.

"Goodnight, Ron." Hermione leaned forward and gave him a long, passionate kiss. "See you tomorrow."


	5. Chapter 5: Broken Halleluiah

**Chapter 5 "Broken Halleluiah"**

_"Love is not a victory march. It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah. " _-- Leonard Cohen

Hermione had stayed up almost all night after returning from the party. Her conversation with Snape had inspired her to outline all of the chapters she had not started yet. About four in the morning she could no longer keep her eyes open. Why not just go to bed? It's not like the books were going to disappear in a few hours. So Hermione curled up with her comforter and fell into a dream as soon as her head hit the pillow.

She was awakened a few hours later by an owl tapping at her window._That's odd. They usually go to the kitchen._ She stifled a groan and opened the latch. A black owl swooped in with a very large package. Opening the letter on top first, she read:

_Dear Miss Granger,_

_Enclosed you will find some of the books we discussed last night. I would also suggest producing a shorter version for the public and an extended edition for the more scholarly. Based on your previous essays for me, I doubt maybe readers could muddle through the first chapter._

_S. Snape_

Ever the charmer, she thought. Still, the idea was a good one. She could easily write the short version before the beginning of term and then research for the extended version. She jotted down a speedy thank you and tied it to the owl's leg. Hermione rummaged around her cluttered desk looking for a knut. She paid the owl, who immediately flew out the window.

Hermione was too busy working to notice the hours pass or hear her parents' mutterings outside her door.

"Do you think we should tell her?" Mrs. Granger had whispered.

"She'll know soon enough. Let her have some peace for now." Her husband had ushered her back downstairs.

So she worked on in blissful ignorance until a redhead burst through her door, "Hermione!" Ginny gasped.

Hermione looked up, perturbed. Why was Ginny crying? She stood up and went to her friend. "What's wrong?"

Ginny began another loud sob. It took many long moments of comforting murmurings and running her hand soothingly up and down Ginny's back to coax some information. "There was an accident," Ginny blabbered in between hiccups. "Harry and Ron… driving… found this morning… Mum and Dad… St. Mungo's… won't let me see…"

"Ron and Harry were in an accident?" Hermione's brain went into overdrive. "Are they… I mean…"

Ginny shook her head. "The healer said they were alive. But… only Mum and Dad can see them. I've been waiting for hours… when you didn't show, I got worried… check up… you… It was in the paper."

"Ginny, I've been here all morning. I haven't even had breakfast." Hermione was still in shock but slowly, everything was sinking in. Ron and Harry were… oh God! How had this happened? She felt the tears slowly rolling down her face.

For hours, the two girls lay next to each other on the bed, trying to offer comfort but only succeeding in causing the other to cry harder. Finally, when no more tears could be shed, they fell into a fitful sleep.

Jane Granger woke them up gently in the evening to coax them into eating some homemade bread and soup. They protested but finally gave in. Jane Granger could be as stubborn as Molly Weasley when the health of her child was on the line.

"There now, eat up. I am sure Molly and Arthur will be over soon. Then, you can go visit. What would Ron say if he heard you were passing up food?" That made them smile and finish their meal.

And the Weasleys did come. But they had nothing much to say. "Now girls," Molly began, "I know that you want to see them, but it's out of the question. They are under the highest security."

"But I'm family!" Ginny protested.

"Why did you get to go?" Hermione asked with a pained look in her eye.

"Because…" Arthur hesitated. "There was a decision that needed to be made. Next of kin…" he trailed off.

Hermione gasped, "Like life support?"

The Weasleys looked puzzled. Jane tried to explain. Arthur finally nodded. "Something like that. But no doubt the healers will fix both of them up in no time, just you wait and see. I'm sure Ron will be back to irritating his favorite sister in just a few days." The girls forced weak smiles.

But weeks passed, and nothing changed. There was no word that either Ron or Harry was improving. Ginny and Hermione were still firmly denied access to see them and no one seemed to know what caused the accident. Ginny stayed with Hermione for the first week. Neither was able to do more than lie in bed. But there was something comfortable about being together, silently sharing the pain. Eventually though, Molly put her foot down. 'Sulking would do them no good,' she scolded, and Ginny was forced to return to the Burrow.

As July faded into August, Hermione could not break away from her shock and pain. She would get up in the morning and help her mother with breakfast. Then she would climb back into bed. She would get up for lunch. Bed again. Dinner. Bed. She told her parents she was studying, but they knew. Yet, Jane Granger knew that pestering Hermione would only cause her to shut herself away more.

Then one morning, Hermione woke up feeling different. What a waste! What a damn waste she was making of herself. Ron and Harry would never forgive her if she didn't get her ass out of bed. It was only five in the morning, but she needed to relieve tension. She got into her sweats and went for a run. Hermione didn't get far. She was hardly athletic. About a mile later, her lungs were bursting, and she felt nauseated.

And alive. Very much alive.

After a quick shower, she contemplated what to do. Part of her wanted to finish the book. But somehow that seemed… too close. Every written word would remind her that Voldemort was defeated. That she should be with her best friends, laughing and relaxing for the first summer they were truly free in a long time. What would Harry and Ron expect her to do? Study. She always read the next year's texts before school. She had missed doing that last summer. And for the N.E.W.T.s, she really needed to reread all her books from Hogwarts-just in case. Calmly, she opened her _Hogwarts: A History._

When Jane Granger peeked into her daughter's room several hours later, she knew things would be okay. No matter what had happened to Ron and Harry, Hermione was strong enough to endure it. Her daughter had chosen life-however painful and broken it might be.


	6. Chapter 6: Don't Stand So Close

**Chapter 6 "Don't Stand So Close" **

"_Strong words in the staffroom. The accusations fly."_ -- The Police

Severus had just finished rearranging his new Potions ingredients in his storeroom. His holiday to Bulgaria had allowed him to seek some items that the Ministry had banned. Sometimes it was all too apparent that no one in the Ministry was a researcher. How was he supposed to develop anything with such ridiculous rules? Even though Slughorn was now the Potions Master, Severus still had his own laboratory in the dungeons. Despite his enjoyment of teaching the Defense Against the Dark Arts, he had always loved Potions--finding improvements to current processes had intrigued him since his years as a student at Hogwarts. Of course, some of his contacts in Eastern Europe had also supplied him for artifacts for his Defense Against the Dark Arts courses. Like Mad-Eye and Lupin, Severus believed in a hands-on approach.

It had been a relaxing vacation, not in the traditional sense. But what a welcomed respite from all the fuss of being a celebrity! What a lucky chance it had been. At one of the celebrations, he had met with one of the officials who had mentioned his vacation home in Eastern Europe. Severus had left the next morning. Partly due to his eagerness for his first vacation in twenty years and partly to get away from that Miss what's-her-name, who was always hanging on his arm. How irritating. The adoring females weren't what he had anticipated. It was almost a relief to be back at Hogwarts where no female would think of him as a man.

Of course, Severus had hoped to find out something else entirely during his trip. He had thought that maybe he could find some explanation… Could a soul take on a bodily form? Was there strong magic, either Dark or not, that could explain how he had survived? That could explain what he had seen? But despite his best efforts, he had found nothing. Maybe he could continue research at Hogwarts. After all, souls becoming physical could relate to the Dark Arts. It would be an excellent project. He would mention it to Minerva. She was supposed to come by his office later on. Severus replaced the wards to his laboratory and began the walk to his office, which was near the DADA classroom instead of the dungeons.

Despite the lack of simpering witches at Hogwarts, Severus was not quite thrilled to be back. His reluctance to spend another year teaching dunderheads had caused him to postpone his return to the last possible moment--arriving just in time for the feast. The brats were back. Sorting had taken longer than usual that evening. At least Slughorn still wanted to be Head of Slytherin. Severus had almost eagerly agreed to take both Slughorn's accelerated courses for Potions in exchange. Now, imagining his autumn course load, Severus felt a fool. Damn Horace!

Turning the corner, he felt a force blow into him. He looked down. "Miss Granger?"

"Professor Snape." Hermione looked taken aback. "I'm so sorry. I think I'm late for my meeting with Professor McGonagall."

"No." Snape shook his head. "I was supposed to be briefed by her this evening. But Shacklebolt is holed up with her now. She said she would come here when it was finished. Perhaps you would care to wait?" Severus indicated the way to his office.

"Yes, thank you." She followed behind. He wondered what she was doing here. She wore robes but no uniform. Probably from a desire not to appear too conspicuous. Then Severus remembered. She was writing that exposé on house-elf abuse and the need for magical creature equality. He had sent those books minutes before he left the country. "Were the books helpful?"

"Yes." Hermione entered the office and took the empty seat near the fire. "I still have more research to do…"

"Naturally." He was correct in his assumption then. He was so grateful she wouldn't be a student still. Perhaps outside the classroom her love of learning would not be as aggravating.

"How is Miss Holworth?"

"Miss who?" Severus was puzzled.

"That lady I saw you with at the party that night," Hermione supplied.

"I have no idea." Severus shrugged at the unimportance of it.

"You are no longer seeing her?" Hermione ventured.

"My private life is not your concern." Severus walked over to the mahogany cabinet behind his desk and retrieved a bottle. "But, yes. That is correct. I have not seen her since that night I spoke with you."

He found two glasses and paused, holding up a bottle of Firewhiskey in questioning whether she would like some. Seeing her nod, he poured them both a generous portion. Hermione took hers gratefully and swallowed all of it. He was surprised that she did not even flinch.

"I have been away. I left that night actually," Snape supplied after polishing off his drink and pouring himself another. "More?"

"Yes." Hermione nodded eagerly and made quick use of the liquid. "I had forgotten how warm it makes you feel."

"Are you cold?" Severus raised his eyebrow in surprise.

"No." she shook her head. "Not really… that is… it's comforting. I've missed that."

"Don't tell me Weasley isn't up to scratch. I saw that kiss you gave him good-bye." Snape smirked. "Very public for someone who—" He stopped when he saw her face. She had frozen and paled to the color of paper.

"Miss Granger?" Snape spoke harshly. What the bloody hell was it? He let out an exasperated sigh. "Really, if you are going to be so affronted, you should have kept your head about you in public," he finished gruffly.

"Didn't you hear?" she whispered so softly he had to bend forward to make out her words. "Ron and Harry are… that is… there was an accident."

Snape did not feel the glee he was expecting. His hatred of Weasley and Potter had ceased to consume him. They would never bother him again. They had left school. But Lily's son? After all that pain, all that he had suffered, all that they had all endured to keep the nitwit alive and he goes and dies on them!? Some people have no respect.

Hermione caught Snape's eye. "I am sure you'll be disappointed to know they aren't dead." Her voice was like a tight string ready to break. "They're at St. Mungo's."

"I see." Snape turned his back to her as he digested this information. "More whiskey?"

Hermione stood up. "Don't try to hide your glee. You hated them." She tossed back another shot of alcohol.

"Miss Granger," Severus said coldly. "I have long since ceased to think that the end of Potter and Weasley would make my life easier. But I do know the loss of a… close friend."

Hermione nodded glumly and turned to face the glowing fire. "It hasn't been easy."

"It never is." Tentatively, he put his hand on her shoulder. She did not shrink from his touch. "I never used to credit it, but time can heal all wounds… if you let it."

Hermione turned her head to smile warmly at him. Suddenly, his door opened.

"Miss Granger!" a woman's Scottish brogue chastised. Severus immediately stepped back then realized how foolish that had been. It made it look like… But Minerva would never. And besides Miss Granger wasn't a student. But the Headmistress looked ready to spit fire. _Bugger._

"I had an appointment with you, Professor." Hermione had not turned around to see the Headmistress. "I met with Professor Snape, and he said you would be done presently."

"Well, Miss Granger, it has been a trying night. Perhaps you could come by at lunch?" Minvera sighed.

"Of course." Hermione walked towards the door. "Goodnight." She did not turn back.

"Severus, really. I never thought I would have to ask you to not flirt with a student." Minerva was quite put out as evidenced by her deepening brogue.

"I was not flirting. And what student?" Confusion knit his brow.

"Miss Granger. Why else would she be here?"

_Oh, bugger._ Severus suddenly felt ten times a fool. Why had he thought she was here? For research. She hadn't been at the meal, she wasn't in uniform. How unfortunate. He had almost been looking forward to the school year as it meant he didn't have to deal with her eager hand raising and recitation of the book. Miss Granger was clever enough to make conversations interesting, but her classroom manner would be the bane of his existence now that Potter and the Dark Lord weren't around.

She had tricked him into being nice. His paranoia did not allow him to see that she had only omitted a detail she must have assumed he knew. Instead, he felt cheated. She had drunk his whiskey! What made her think he would offer that to a student? It would be utterly inappropriate! What was her game? Oh, God! She couldn't be interested in him? He shivered, repulsed. No, she must be trying to get one up on him. But why? Snape had no idea, but he would find out. Then, he would make her pay.


	7. Chapter 7: When You're Gone

**Chapter 7 "When You're Gone"**

_"Everything that I do reminds me of you… When you're gone, the pieces of my heart are missing you." _-- Avril Lavigne

The next morning as she ate her toast and tea, Hermione was still staring around her in wonder. Professor McGonagall must have been working non-stop since the Final Battle and hadn't been present at that many of the parties. As Hermione had wandered around the castle last night she had found it hard to believe that anything extraordinary (like a battle) had ever happened here. There were still a few corners of the castle that were still under construction (even in the Wizarding World, construction took longer than predicted), but everything should be done by Halloween. All of the dorms were full of chattering students. Having trouble adjusting to Ron and Harry's absence, Hermione had hidden in Myrtle's bathroom during the Sorting and feasting. The whiskey last night had been most welcome.

Hermione had known that Professor Snape would probably be his usual self in class this morning. Still, she was looking forward to it. It would be a relief to bury herself in work. She had been trying by reading non-stop the last few weeks, but receiving assignments would definitely drive her harder. And maybe keep the nightmares at bay. So with a slight spring in her step, she headed down to the dungeon. There were only a handful of students who were planning to take the accelerated version of seventh year. She made her way into the classroom, ignoring Draco Malfoy on her right. When Malfoy smirked at her like that, she wondered what they had been thinking when saving his life.

Still, she ignored him and sat in her usual seat. She tried to repress the feelings of emptiness when she glanced at what should have been Ron and Harry's seats. But no. They would not have been here anyway. They were too interested in the Aurors to come back. She kept repeating to herself, "Of course they aren't here. Pretend they went on a long trip. They wouldn't be here. They wouldn't be here."

She sighed quietly. Cho sat down beside her. The accelerated classes had few enough students that all four houses had been combined. As it were, there were only nine of them in Potions. Only four had had Arithmancy with her earlier. Most students who came back had chosen to retake the full year. Neville had said it meant he might actually pass Potions. Hermione thought that was probably because Neville would be taught by Slughorn instead of Professor Snape.

Suddenly, the room seemed cooler and Professor Snape swooped into the room. Just as had happened her first year, he closed all the windows with his wand as he passed. He looked impressive, intimidating, every inch the bully that he had always been. He sneered as he strolled forward.

"Professor Slughorn has informed me that he has too many classes this year. So naturally, I am expected to teach you Potions as well as Dark Arts. I am sure your enthusiasm for this arrangement cannot surpass my own." He gave the class a deadly glare as if they had suggested he be forced in their presence more often. And then his eyes met Hermione's. His eyes became slits as if he were hoping to kill her just by willing it. At that moment, she would rather have faced Voldemort again than stay in the room. She could not quite piece together what was wrong. She just knew that she must have done something dreadful. Hiding under her desk seemed like a very logical move, but he already knew she was there.

"Miss Granger," he barely spoke above a whisper. "What a surprise to see you here. I would have thought fame would have kept you from finishing here as a student."

He waited for a reply. Hermione knew better than to answer him. Here was her answer. He had not realized last night that she was a returning student. He had been treating her as an adult on the occasions they had talked and corresponded since the battle and now he felt she had been deceiving him. Of course, that had not occurred to her. She had thought they were… well, she hadn't really thought it through, but she had never guessed he wouldn't have checked the students enrolled in his classes before now. But she should have figured it out last night. What professor gives you liquor?

From his words, he clearly had come to the same conclusion. It was, therefore, her fault that he had overstepped boundaries he lived by. Hermione knew that no matter what she did, no matter what she said or didn't say, she was going to be punished. That was how bullies worked. She had made a fatal error, and now she must pay.

"Miss Granger, I asked you a question."

_Too late. _"I'm sorry, Professor Snape. I had thought you would know after all this time how much learning and Hogwarts has come to mean to me. I felt I had to come back and finish," she spoke as calmly and diplomatically as she could, even meeting his cold stare. She held her breath, waiting for inevitable detention with Filch and the deduction of fifty points from Gryffindor.

To her surprise, he said nothing more to her. Instead he addressed the class. "Since we have a limited amount of time, we will only be doing those potions that are interestingly complex or are considered standard for the practical portion of the NEWT examination. As a result, you will be given a larger amount of scrollwork to compensate for this. Because our time in the laboratory is precious, you will complete exams outside of class. The first will be given to you next lesson as a review of your sixth year studies. You will all be bound by a truth oath to complete the work without help from any source outside of your own mind. The consequences of not complying will be… uncomfortable." Professor Snape looked as if he were hoping one of them would cheat. He passed a piece of parchment around for all of them to sign. Hermione wanted to test which charm or curse he had placed on it, but she saw Professor Snape staring at her. She read the oath carefully (which was standard) and quickly signed her name.

"Now, I suggest you hurry up and follow the instructions on the board as you only have an hour and a half left, and it takes just that time to brew properly." Snape smirked at the impossible task he had given them. Hermione quickly scanned the directions. First she should cut up the mamba roots while the alcohol and dragon's blood boiled, and then she could smash the fennel seeds while... Her intense concentration as she started setting up her concoction allowed her to ignore the frenzy of her other classmates and the stares from Professor Snape. With five minutes till the end of the class, Hermione scooped up a sample of her potion, stoppered it in a small vial with her name on it and headed to Professor Snape's desk.

He sneered at her offering but accepted it. She went back to her desk, cleaned up her cauldron, and sat down, staring in front of her for the last three minutes of class.

"Miss Granger." Snape had stopped behind her desk. "What is it you are doing?"

"Nothing, sir." She did not turn to look at him. She was sure he would decide her stare was insolent and give her detention.

"I see," he spoke softly. "And did I not say that you would have an examination when this class meets again?"

"You did, sir."

"Then might I enquire as to why you do not take this opportunity to seize a few moments to study? Or are you, perhaps, so confident on the material that you think yourself above studying for my classes?" Draco left out a laugh, which Professor Snape silenced with a glare.

"No, sir." Hermione focused on her breathing to keep herself calm. It was all about keeping your cool, maintaining strategy as Ron would say. Ron. Just the thought of him made her lips quiver. Snape must have seen this because he smirked.

"Detention with me tonight, Miss Granger. Maybe it will teach you to respect your teachers." He dismissed the class with a wave of his hand. "Eight o'clock sharp."

She nodded and left.

* * *

Hermione tried to remember her old fears: of heights, of flying, of something happening to her family or to Harry or to Ron. Well, why should she be afraid of Professor Snape? He was not going to kill her parents or her. He would likely just make her clean cauldrons and say cutting things to humiliate her. Compared to losing Ron and Harry, it would be nothing. Nothing mattered anymore. She worked to not have to think. She continued down to the dungeons. It was almost eight o'clock. She knocked nervously. 

The door swung open, and she darted past Snape. He closed the door loudly, but she refused to turn around.

"Miss Granger, you will be cleaning those cauldrons—without magic. Please hand over your wand." Snape held out his hand expectantly.

After handing him the wand, she walked over to the cauldrons and made an assessment of what supplies she might need. "Professor, do you have any sodium bicarbonate?"

He strolled leisurely to the cabinet. When he came to her side, she had already filled the dozen cauldrons with water. She lifted one of them and carried it over to the fireplace. Lucky for her early years in Scouts, she soon had a fire going and hung the cauldron over it, waiting for the water to boil. Then she turned to Professor Snape and took the box from his hand, adding a liberal amount into the pot. Turning back to the others, she started using a bristle brush and lye to scrub some of the ones that looked more promising.

Professor Snape turned his back on her and headed to his desk. He was trying not to think about how angry he was at her and himself. Although, he had no idea why. Examining his emotions was not a talent of Severus's, so he merely returned to his grading. He was not so engrossed, however, that he failed to notice the fervor with which Miss Granger was cleaning. Perhaps he was actually doing her a favor. Last night she had seemed a bit less of herself.

Severus no longer hated Weasley or Potter as he once had. All his efforts were finally being recognized, which had been a surprising balm. But perhaps it had started with that evening back in July at that ball. Weasley had actually appeared to respect him and want his help. Nothing like being appreciated. With Voldemort's defeat, Severus was finally getting enough sleep, and it was sleep not plagued with nightmares of Lily and Harry's death. He had been redeemed. If Severus were more used to the emotion, he might have identified his response to their accident as regret.

As Severus looked at Hermione again, she carried another cauldron over to the fire. Something was wrong with her uniform. There was no tie or collar poking out of her robes. He stood from his chair and made his way towards her. "Miss Granger, what happened to your uniform?"

"I'm wearing my robes, Professor." A blush started to creep up her cheeks, which intrigued Severus.

"And are you wearing anything under them?" He smirked as if he very much doubted it.

"Of course," she replied angrily.

"Well, let's see, shall we? Accio robes." Her robes flew over her head and revealed a very short jean skirt and a very tight low-cut tank top. Still holding her robes in his hand, he began to circle around her and admiring her from every angle.

"Well, well, Miss Granger. I had no idea your motive was seduction." He faced her again and gave her a practiced leer. "I can assure you that you will find me quite willing." He would have been very surprised if this had really been her intent, but he knew her well enough to know how to provoke her. He stretched his hand out as if to touch her face.

She quickly stepped out of his reach. "I had no such in intentions."

"Then perhaps you would enlighten me as to your," he paused for effect, "interesting choice of clothing."

She took a deep breath and refused to meet his eyes. "I doubt you will believe me. Well, Lavender is always talking about how wearing sexy underwear can boost your confidence. Not because anyone can see it, but just because you know you're wearing it…" She faltered before continuing. "I was… nervous about detention tonight. I don't really own any sexy underwear. So I thought maybe a sexy outfit would have the same effect," she finished lamely.

"I do believe you, but only because that story is too pathetic to have been invented." Snape turned up his large nose at her.

"Fine," Hermione shouted suddenly losing control. "Look all you want. I don't care. I don't care about anything. I just want the pain to stop. They won't even let me in. Ginny hasn't seen them either. We're not important enough. We are their girlfriends, but why should that mean we learn anything about what happened!?" She was screaming at the top of her lungs while walking towards Snape until their faces were inches apart.

He stared in shock. "You haven't seen them?"

She shook her head, and he let out a sigh. "Come, Miss Granger." He handed her the robes and walked to the door. She silently followed him. Surely he would be taking her to the Headmistress for her outburst. Hermione was surprised when he led her to the entrance of Hogwarts. She wanted to ask if he was throwing her out but then thought better of it. No need to give him ideas. When they reached the bottom of the hill, he told her to hold tightly to his arm. A pull at her navel, then they were standing outside of St. Mungo's.

Shock was her initial reaction. If she couldn't get the mediwitches to let her see Harry and Ron, what made him think he could? But then Hermione remembered two things: Professor Snape loved to bully and he could be very frightening. Maybe they would get lucky. Snape could frighten anyone.

When they entered the building, Snape walked straight up to the wizard on duty at the front desk. In his smoothest voice, he asked, "I have it on good authority that a Mr. Ronald Weasley and a Mr. Harry Potter are in your care?"

"And just who might you be?" The wizard was about eighty and looked warily at the younger man.

"Severus Snape. I am a Professor at Hogwarts."

"Are you that triple agent?" The wizard peered at him curiously.

"Indeed. And you might also recognize Miss Hermione Granger." He pushed her forward so the old man could plainly see her. The wizard nodded slowly.

"As you can see we mean the gentlemen no harm," Snape continued smoothly.

"Doesn't matter," the wizard said firmly. "You are not on the list."

"Might I see this list?" Severus asked, smooth as oil.

The wizard shrugged and passed him a clipboard. Severus scanned it quickly and nodded. "Yes. I see what you mean. We most certainly are not on it."

He turned towards Hermione. "I am sorry, my dear. But perhaps it would be alright with you if I were to say hello to my grandmother? We are here after all. And I have told her so much about you. She would consider it an honor for you to visit her."

Hermione nodded warily. There was something she was missing. Snape looked far too pleased with himself. She followed obediently and mentioned how happy she would be to meet his relative. Snape moved with the authority of someone who knew exactly where he was going. Hermione had to almost run to keep up with his long strides. He stopped in front of #534.

"Here we are," he almost sang and ushered her inside. She should not have been surprised by the familiar teenage bodies that she saw, but she was. How… of course, the file would have had the room number on it. Brilliant! Then she started towards the beds.

Hermione had expected mangled bodies, casts covering most of their limbs. But the boys just looked as if they were sleeping, except that their eyes were wide open. It was almost more disconcerting than if they had been blooded. They should be smiling at her surprise visit. She walked slowly over to Harry.

"Harry," she whispered. "Professor Snape got me in. I tried to come earlier. So did Ginny. But they wouldn't let us. Isn't that funny? After all that praise about how great the four of us were, and they wouldn't let us near you. Wouldn't tell us anything. Why, Harry? What's so great about cars? What happened?"

She sat on the bed and leaned her face in until they were touching. She waited. Hoping he would blink or say something or twitch. Any sign that he could hear her. She began to run her fingers through his hair. "Harry, it'll be alright. I'll figure out something. I always do. After everything we've been through, it just can't end like this." She smiled a brave smile like he could actually hear her, like he could see her. She kissed his forehead and got up.

Hermione walked over to Ron's bed. She didn't sit down right away. First, she removed her robes. She twirled around in Ron's line of vision. "What do you think? Professor Snape thought you'd like it." She smiled mischievously. "Aren't you pleased?"

She curled up next to Ron on the single bed and began stroking his cheek with her hand. Hermione traced his features one by one. First the eyebrows, then the nose, then the cheekbones, the jawline, the lips. She soaked up his face as if she might never see him again. Finally, she spoke. "I'm back at Hogwarts. You would be so amazed at the amount of homework. You and Harry would have killed me if I had talked you into going back. No Quidditch and too much work." She forced a smile. "But you know me. It's okay. I really miss you two. I had thought we'd have the rest of the summer together. I'm working really hard. I haven't gotten much further on the book. I just couldn't work after… you and Harry came here. Ginny even misses you. George is doing okay. He hired some extra help. I know you've seen your parents… I think Fleur might be expecting. She seems even more beautiful than usual. Glad I don't have to compete with that…" She trailed off. Her voice wasn't working anymore. She gave him a soft kiss on the lips.

Hermione had completely forgotten that Snape was in the room. All her attention was on the boy next to her. She pressed her forehead next to his. "Guess what? Snape gave me detention tonight. For being a student." She laughed genuinely. "Can you believe that? Like it's my fault he thought I wasn't coming back. Well, there I was cleaning out the cauldrons with gusto. I don't think he realized how therapeutic it would be for me. I really just needed to work it out, you know? Well, maybe not. I think it's a Muggle thing. And then, he brought me here. You don't think he planned that, do you? No, of course not."

She made her voice deeper. "Snape's a nice 'nough bloke, Hermione. But come on! He isn't that nice. Remember the Occlumency lessons?" Hermione smiled sadly.

"Fine, Ron. Still I'm really glad I could see you. I'd say we owe him one." And as the words came out of her mouth, she realized she wasn't alone in the room. She looked up, horrified, at the figure standing at the edge of the bed. But Snape appeared to be enthralled with some papers. _Maybe he didn't hear me_, she prayed. Hermione gave Ron another kiss and stood up.

"Thank you, Professor," she said. He looked up at her as if he had forgotten she existed.

"Yes… well… I can bring you back… if you'd like…" His quiet voice trailed off when he noticed her shocked expression.

"Yes, thank you," she whispered. He nodded curtly.

Silently, they walked out of the hospital and Apparated back to Hogwarts. He said nothing as he headed back to his classroom. Hermione didn't know if she was supposed to follow him or not, but she did anyway. Once he closed the door behind her, he did a double take, apparently surprised that she was still there.

"Did you forget something, Miss Granger?" Snape was clearly not pleased to still be in her presence.

Hermione nodded and retrieved her bag near the still dirty cauldrons. She asked, "Do you still want me to finish—"

"No. That will be all for tonight," Snape said wearily.

"Professor?" Hermione started tentatively. "That… that wasn't a car accident."

"Very perceptive, Miss Granger." Snape looked bored.

"Well, what then… I mean… do you know?"

"No. I do not. Goodnight, Miss Granger."

Feeling defeated, Hermione muttered, "Goodnight, Professor Snape," and wandered back to the Gryffindor dormitories. It would be another sleepless night. Not because of the uncertainty but because now she knew her best friends were unlikely to ever really hear her again.


	8. Chapter 8: Superman

**Chapter 8 "Superman"**

"_It's not easy to be me."_ -- Five for Fighting

Snape strolled through the crowded halls of the Ministry as if he owned the place. He whipped past the Minister's personal secretary without a glance at the poor young man stuttering how he needed an appointment. He nodded to the two Aurors guarding the door and burst into the Minister's private office. Kingsley did not even look up.

"Severus, take a seat." Snape did not move. "Come off it," Kingsley said as he looked up. "I knew it was you. No one else feels the need to barge into my office. You can't intimidate me that way; even if it does terrify your students."

Snape smirked. "I would never try to bully you, Kingsley. However, I do feel the need to call your actions into question. I thought you'd rather I did that privately instead of at a press conference."

Kingsley chuckled at the threat. "And here I was, hoping those witches would make you more… jovial."

"You should know me better." Snape's eyes bore into the other man's. "Now, let's sidestep the niceties. What happened to Potter and Weasley?"

"Ah." Kingsley looked pleased. "I heard you and Hermione were at St. Mungo's last night. You saw them." It wasn't a question.

"What the hell happened?"

"We don't know.The car was found parked on a street near where the event was held that night. All of the doors were locked. The boys were inside Harry's car in the same state you saw them in at St. Mungo's. At first we thought it was a full body bind. But all the usual counter charms haven't worked. We've never seen anything like it. PR decided that the fewer who knew what really happened the better. The general public thinks they're abroad. The family was told not to correct that impression."

"Sound reasoning, but surely Ginny and Hermione…" Snape faltered.

"Not getting soft are you?" Kingsley grinned at the sneer on Snape's face.

"I have to teach both of them. I can assure you life's much more pleasant when they aren't weeping their eyes out." Kingsley seemed to believe him. Severus had never been overly fond of hysterics. The girls had not actually forced him to witness their tears, but the dark circles under their eyes and their mellow expressions shouted that they were not handling the situation well.

"I discussed the options with Molly and Arthur. They thought it would be best…"

Snape dismissed Shacklebolt with a wave of his hand. "You mean Molly decided that they'd been through enough and didn't want to expose them to the truth. After everything they have been through you would think—"

Kingsley let out a loud sigh. "I know. I tried to argue with her. But she was so shaken by Fred's death… I have some of the best mediwitches on the case, but so far it doesn't look promising."

"Potter's still the Boy-Who-Lived," Snape said. "Just not really living."

Kingsley tried to hide his smile at the twisted joke. "Nice to know some things never change. Severus, would you… I know how you feel about them." He paused and shuffled some papers. "But if you could take some time to study them… maybe there's a potion or--"

"Either you and McGonagall think I have extra wizarding strength or you're trying to kill me." Severus didn't look pleased. "You already have most of my free time. I'm testifying at your bloody trials at least once a week! I have eleven courses to teach because that nitwit Slughorn refuses point blank to take on the accelerated Potions classes meaning I have nine Defense Against the Dark Arts courses and two for Potions that are full of idiots. And you want me to take on an impossible medical case in my spare time!"

"Well, after November you'll only have seven classes," Kingsley reasoned and then grinned. "You'll be bored out of your mind. And I'm sure Hermione'd be only too happy to assist you. Harry and Ron are her best friends. And if you were to unravel this mystery, I'm sure there would be another Order of Merlin and even another Potions award. Not that you require any more of those…"

Snape glared at the man sitting behind the desk. "With friends like you who needs enemies?"

"We appreciate your support, Severus." Kingsley looked like the cat who swallowed the cream.

"Kingsley, if I were you, I'd be guarding the two wizarding heroes a little more closely. It was too easy to get in last night. I know we've rounded up most of the Death Eaters, but we haven't gotten everyone. This accident proves that. What do you pay Aurors for anyway?"

"To keep themselves hidden. How do you think I knew you were there?" Infuriated, Snape rose and slammed the door without a reply.

He had a stack of parchments five feet high to grade and four exams to make up. He still was trying to find time to research how Lily had saved him. And now the Ministry wanted him to once again step in and save Potter. Who was he, Superman? Why did he think life would be easier after Voldemort was defeated? Today, he had five classes to teach beginning in exactly, he glanced at his pocket watch, seven minutes. He scrambled down the stairs to the nearest fireplace. Of course Minerva would agree with Albus's exclusion of Hogwarts from the Floo Network.

"Three Broomsticks," he commanded. Stepping from Rosmerta's fireplace, Severus shook his robes. "Rosmerta, do you have a broom?"

The proprietor smiled and handled him a Nimbus 2000. "Just bring it back on Saturday," she purred.

Snape ignored her fluttering lashes. He grabbed the broom, walked briskly out the door, and mounted the broom. Three minutes left. He'd have to fly into the classroom. Well, their expressions would be priceless. "If only I didn't hate to fly," Severus mumbled.


	9. Chapter 9: Suspended from Class

** Chapter 9 "Suspended from Class" **

_"It was such a vital thing that you grasped: the meaning intended... It's such a delicate thing. It's such a fragile thing that we have." _-- Camera Obscura

"Really, Hermione, I don't know how you keep coming to class. I would just ask to be suspended." Seamus shook his head as he poured himself some pumpkin juice. "I mean Snape can be irritable, but this is ridiculous! Yesterday makes what, eight detentions?"

Hermione laughed. "In about four weeks. Fred and George would be proud."

"They came up with some fantastic pranks. But you're not really doing anything," Lavender protested. Then she dropped her voice. "I bet I know the problem."

Everyone leaned in to hear her theory. "Well, over the summer. I mean it was pretty clear from the_ Prophet _that he was… you know… He was always with a different witch. Then he went off traveling the world…" Lavender got very red as she realized no one was catching on and rushed through the rest of her speech. "He isn't getting shagged."

She looked at the gaping mouths and beamed at the shock she'd caused. "You're probably right," Seamus declared. Neville fainted. Everyone within earshot was blushing but nodding. Hermione alone did not comment. The trays of breakfast dishes vanished and everyone in the Great Hall hurried off to class.

Between studying for N.E.W.T.s and coursework, Hermione barely had time for anything else. The accelerated classes were challenging even by her standards. Much as she lived for the next "detention" the visits were trying her nerves. Seeing them made living without them harder. She hadn't told Ginny yet, so she always felt guilty. Despite her promise to Ron, she had had no time to research what could be wrong with them. She had not broached the topic with Professor Snape. He was doing more than enough to just let her see them. She could not impose on him. The day seemed to stand still until her eight o'clock appointment.

"Sir?" Hermione turned to him as she walked into his office.

"Yes, Miss Granger?" Snape sounded bone-weary as he ran his hand across his temple.

"Why?" she asked. He looked bewildered, so she elaborated. "Why are you taking me for visits? You certainly don't have to."

"No, I do not." Snape's voice implied he was going to take away the privilege for her impertinence. "However, I know... I feel…" Severus could not find the words. How could he tell this slip of a girl that he understood what it was like to be separated from your love? What a romantic sap he had turned out to be! The Dark Lord should have finished him off and done him a favor. It was mortifying.

"It's okay." Hermione put her arm on his sleeve. "I understand. But do I have to have detention?"

Snape raised his eyebrow. "Worried about your record? Tut, tut, Miss Granger."

"No, sir." Hermione paused debating and then decided it might make him laugh. "Only it's causing a bit of gossip. About why I'm getting detention so often."

"Unless someone saw what you were wearing that first night, I doubt they think we're having an affair." Snape smirked.

"No. Quite the opposite." Hermione dearly wanted to make him pay for that reminder of the most embarrassing moment of her life. It was the last time she ever followed Lavender's advice. "They think you're grouchy because you aren't getting shagged."

For the first time in his life, Snape seemed at a loss for words. And Hermione was quite worried that she had overstepped the boundary. Hell, she knew she had. What if he stopped taking her to St. Mungo's? _Bugger. _

Snape started to laugh, a deep rich laugh that took Hermione by surprise. When he trusted himself to speak, he said, "I wonder if it would shock them more to learn that…" Suddenly, he remembered he was with a student. "Yes, well, best get moving then, Miss Granger."

The trip to St. Mungo's was like every one before it. Miss Granger would make a spectacle of herself, talking to the boys as if they could hear and giving them kisses and pats on the head. Severus would not even admit to himself that he found such displays touching. After all, it did not seem that Potter or Weasley could respond. But Severus was beginning to think they could hear. He had run a few tests himself, such as saying provocative things to both of them while Miss Granger was busy with the other. Once he actually saw the tiniest twitch of Weasley's left eye.

Severus always spent the first half hour of the visit updating himself with their files. Checking to see what spells had been performed, which potions had been given. He noted that the Healer had recommended the Mandrakes be used. Interesting… but unlikely that petrification was at the root of the problem. He had already ruled out a potion cure, which was unfortunate given his expertise in that area. And he was still racking his brains on who had done this.

Soon enough though, it was time to leave. Miss Granger was extremely quiet on the journey home. She always was. He should probably sympathize more, Dumbledore would undoubtedly be making that comment about now, but he found the quiet such a nice change in her presence that he felt only relief. They headed back to the DADA room undetected. Severus was starting to worry about what Miss Granger had said earlier. Perhaps he was giving her too many detentions. It was one thing with Potter. The animosity there had been well known. But Miss Granger… Yes, that was another matter. And yet, she would never need remedial lessons or have time for an extra project or apprenticeship. Not with the N.E.W.T.s less than a month away.

"Professor." Hermione spoke up timidly. Severus raised his eyebrow. Shyness from the Know-it-all? "I was wondering if… Could Ginny get detention sometime?"

The question took Severus by surprise. He had not thought about Miss Weasley. That would complicate things. "No, Miss Granger. That is not part of the plan."

"Plan?" He walked over to where she stood leaning against one of the desks.

"You have been recruited, Miss Granger. To fix the 'problem' as it were. That is why the Ministry has allowed the visits."

"But, sir, I can't…" Hermione lowered her head as her voice trailed off.

Severus took a step closer, raising her head gently with his hands. When she met his eyes, he spoke. "Miss Granger, I—"

"Severus, I need to speak with you—" The Headmistress stopped short as the door banged behind her. The "damn" Severus uttered was so quiet that Hermione wasn't even sure she heard it. He leaned closer towards her as his grip on her chin tightened. For one horrifying second, she thought he was going to kiss her, and all she could do was lose herself in the black pools of his eyes.

"Severus!" Minerva practically shrieked.

"One moment, Headmistress." Severus placed his other hand near Hermione's eye. "There. I think it's gone now, Miss Granger." He flicked an imaginary eyelash away and turned to his intruder. "I do believe that people usually knock."

"Severus, I have warned you before—" McGonagall began.

Severus lost his temper, interrupting her. "When you find me passionately kissing Miss Granger, I will listen to your lecture. The _child _had something in her eye." He took a deep breath. "Remember, Minerva. I stayed because you asked me to."

"Miss Granger seems to be receiving a lot of detentions lately," Minerva continued, ignoring his outburst.

"Ask Kingsley about it. I'm not telling you anything. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a detention to finish with." Severus practically shoved her out the door.

"Kingsley?"

"Exactly." Severus locked the door behind her, placed a Silencing Charm about the room, and turned back to face a bewildered Hermione.

"What on earth?" she asked.

Severus sighed deeply and leaned against the wall. "It was supposed to be easier with Voldemort gone."

"Yes." Hermione sat on the floor. "Mum keeps saying life is never easy, but that hardly makes it any better."

Severus walked over towards her. "Shacklebolt wants us to cure Potter and Weasley."

Hermione shook her head violently. "I can't. I'm not smart, Professor. You've always known that. I can study hard but I don't have a natural… With that Potions book of yours-- I'd never say it to Harry, I wanted him to work things out for himself--but your alterations were nothing short of brilliant. I can't think like that. And besides, no one can get people out of a coma. Oh, that's a Muggle term, it means--"

"I was raised in the Muggle world, Miss Granger." He sneered. "I know what it means. And I don't think it's what your_ friends _have. No, I think it is some sort of charm or something… I doubt a potion could cure it. So you can see why I would need some help."

Hermione just kept shaking her head. Then, to Severus's dismay, she began to cry. Not quiet sobbing but outright howling. Towering above her, he tried to stop her by dismissing the emotion with a sharp, "Come, Miss Granger. We'll have none of that." There, that usually worked. His students were always too frightened of him to not obey. His comment only made her wail louder. So, he sat down beside her and tentatively touched her back. When she didn't shrink away, he ran his fingers up and down in a soothing motion. This tactic sometimes worked with his younger students when they became overcome with homesickness.

Miss Granger appeared to be in that category as well. The sobbing quieted. But then, she wailed again and latched onto him, burying her face in his chest. As he held her, he silently thanked the gods that Minerva had walked in earlier and not now. He patted her head and said soothing things that seemed to calm her down. He reflected that she was as distraught as he had been the day he found out Lily would die. As Miss Granger's hand brushed past his, Severus had a strange feeling of déjà vu. Ridiculous. She snuggled closer, and he held her. A long while later, she finally pulled away, wiping her nose with the back of her hand.

"Sorry," she mumbled.

"When was the last time you cried, Miss Granger?" Severus inquired.

"When it happened."

"Ah." Severus was becoming increasingly uncomfortable. "Miss Granger, he did love you. You know that. At least you have that."

Hermione looked up at him, hearing the bitterness in his voice. "Lily…" she began before cursing and shutting her mouth.

"Been conversing with the dead, Miss Granger?" Snape did not look amused. She shook her head in confusion.

"I don't think I can help, but I'll try," she whispered.

"For someone with a lack of confidence, I seem to remember you showing more enthusiasm when you came to me about that potion. We could publish that you know." Snape tried to change the topic. But suddenly another thought occurred to him. Had she? He knew that no matter what the mediwitches said he had been bitten. Nagini sometimes haunted his dreams. He saw her fangs coming towards him, closer and closer.

"But, Professor," Hermione said, "we never used the potion. And Nagini's gone now."

"Yes. Still, no more about your inadequate skills. Only I am allowed to degrade them." She attempted a smile through her tears. "We'll begin after these damn accelerated classes end." Snape stood, and she followed his example. She headed towards the door. "Miss Granger, I would not leave the castle unaccompanied. I have a feeling that whoever was after Potter and Weasley might take a hit at you."

"So you think it was an attack?" Hermione looked genuinely surprised.

"Count on it," he said as he turned to his desk and began shuffling papers. Clearly, she was dismissed.


	10. Chapter 10: Goodnight, Sweetheart

** Chapter 10 "Goodnight, Sweetheart" **

"It's time to go." -- The Spaniels

The next morning at breakfast, Hermione received a large parcel in the post. When she opened it, she was amazed to discover a soft, white terrycloth bathrobe. There was an enclosed note, but all it said was "Being the safer alternative." It was not signed, but she recognized the writing from all the red markings on her papers over the years.

Lavender leaned over. "Who's it from?"

"My mum," Hermione said quickly. "I'd better put it up before class." She scurried out of the Great Hall.

Back in the seventh year girls' room, Hermione slipped off her robes and jumper and tried on the bathrobe. It fit nicely. Then suddenly, she felt someone holding her. She jumped and turned around. No one was there. Then, she felt her shoulders being rubbed. The tension was slowly leaving her body. How odd. Still, it was a nice feeling. Was the robe enchanted? Hermione's head dropped forward. All her usual caution abandoned her as her back and shoulders began to relax. She glanced at her watch. A few minutes left before class, maybe she would just lie down for a few minutes. Sleep had not come easily last night.

Hermione awoke to the sounds of giggling voices and opened her eyes to see Ginny, Lavender, and Pavarti. "What are you doing here?" she muttered.

Ginny laughed. "You must have been sleepy. It's almost dinnertime!"

"No! I just had breakfast. You mean I missed the whole day?" Hermione threw off the bathrobe and pulled on her uniform.

"Apparently, you needed the sleep," Ginny said. "You look much better."

"I had seven classes today!" Hermione moaned as she ran out the door in search of her professors.

An hour later, she stood outside Snape's door. She had saved him for last. The other professors had just said something about how they'd been sure students would be breaking at some point under the stress of the accelerated term. They did not say how they never expected it to be her. Then again, she was taking twice the number of N.E.W.T.S as everyone else, she'd assured herself as she made her way to the DADA classroom. Hermione knocked again at the wooden door and opened it after hearing the frustrated "Enter."

"Miss Granger." Snape glanced up. "What a surprise. You will receive detention for missing two of my classes today. As a famous heroine, you should be setting an example."

"Yes, Professor." Hermione smiled. "Thank you for the bathrobe."

He nodded absently.

"Sir, what did your note mean?"

"Miss Granger." He put down his quill in exasperation and sent a Silencing Charm towards the door, which shut with a bang. "I've taught for many years. Far too often I have had to break up passionate embraces of couples who came together in a moment of grief. Last year was the worst by far! The girls always claimed they'd just wanted some affection, to be 'comforted.' Knowing the Weasley temper, I doubt such an explanation would soothe your boyfriend when he wakes up, and you explain that you don't care about him anymore. Or worse than you and Mr. Longbottom have been together to 'share the pain.'"

Hermione stared at him for a minute, trying to process what he was saying. Why would she pick Neville if she wanted a fling? Well, it was only an example. She didn't see herself as the type of woman who would start a fling for comfort, but Snape did have a point… She nodded as Snape continued, "Not to mention that Minvera's heart might not stand another shock. I thought she might have keeled over last night." He smirked as though pleased with himself. "I charmed the bathrobe to offer you physical comfort with none of the consequences. The robe won't molest you; it only offers comfort. And the effect wears off eight hours after you put it on. So no more excuses about missing class."

"I see. How kind of you, Professor."

Snape dismissed her gratitude with an impatient wave of his hand. "No, merely productive. If you start snogging someone else, you might not want to save Potter and Weasley. I am counting on your solving the problem. I have far too much else to do to be bothered with it."

"I would not give up on them even if I did find someone else! They are my friends!" Hermione shrieked.

"How sweet." Snape was not impressed. "Get notes from Draco or Ernie. Goodbye, Miss Granger."

The robe turned out to be a godsend for the rest of the week as Hermione started sleeping well for the first time since the accident. While everyone else enjoyed time in Hogsmeade, Hermione spent the whole weekend catching up on work. Ginny had tried to convince her that she deserved the break. Hermione had only shaken her head. She had stopped by Hagrid's for tea as a study break, but it had been awkward. Hagrid didn't know that there was anything wrong with Harry or Ron, and Hermione didn't feel up to telling him. He spent the whole time talking about plans for his classes. Hermione was happy to not have to deal with anymore of Hagrid's creatures!

Snape's earlier warning had her worried. Ron and Harry didn't look like they had had a car wreck. Was she, then, also in danger? What if they had been attacked? But who? The Death Eaters were rounded up. Malfoy owed them a life debt.

It must have been the perfect opportunity. Harry and Ron were usually surrounded by reporters, admirers, or friends. They Apparated anywhere they needed to be. To have them alone, hanging out in a Muggle area in a car of all things. It must have been too good to be true. But who?

Why? Well, take your pick. They had destroyed the Death Eaters and the most evil wizard of all time. They had helped bring about peace for the wizarding world. So someone who lost something with the peace… the trials were still going on. Maybe a family member of a Death Eater? Shacklebolt _was_ putting on quite a show of being fair. He i was /i being fair actually, Hermione reasoned. Without the Dementors guarding Azkaban, the fear to lie about traitors seemed to have been minimized.

Hermione shook her head. She only had three weeks until exams. Harry and Ron were, sadly, not going anywhere. She wasn't going to suddenly be able to think of who had done this to them. It would take time. Now the problem was in the back of her mind, stewing. Usually, it only took a few weeks for the right answer to pop out after that.

Hermione flopped onto her back and pulled out her Transfiguration notes. She was grateful that Professor McGonagall had agreed to teach the accelerated course. Her replacement wasn't quite up to scratch, according to Lavender and Ginny. Hermione paused in her review of notes to bask in the quiet of her dorm room.

She could not believe her luck in having the room to herself. It had been crowded enough when she had shared with Lavender, Pavarti, Dana, and Valerie. But now Ginny and her year were in the room too. Ten girls in one room was a recipe for disaster. The house-elves had magically shrunk the beds and dressers to take up less space and hold more, but there was still little room to move about in. Dana and Valerie were usually gone with their boyfriends, but with so many roommates, someone was always around. Except today. They had all gone to Hogsmeade, and Hermione was able to think of the room as hers.

Several hours later, her solitude was interrupted by a troop of girls, giggling. "Oh, Hermione," squeaked Dana, "you should have come! We had such a good time at the Three Broomsticks."

"And George has opened up a branch in Hogsmeade," Ginny explained. "He was disappointed not to see you. He has some really great new inventions."

"Those love story daydreams are amazing," piped in Martha, one of Ginny's classmates. "I bought another five. Professor Binn's class is going to be my favorite from now on!"

Hermione let all the exclamations wash over her. She really did enjoy their company, but it was sometimes a bit overwhelming. It was time for a break anyway, she decided. So as she rolled up her notes, she nodded her head to Pavarti's story about the handsome wizard who bumped into her outside Honeyduke's. The girls' enthusiasm was intoxicating and soon a huge pillow fight ensued.

Then, Ginny caught sight of Hermione's bathrobe and walked over to it. "Hey, Hermione? Can I try it on?" Ginny didn't wait for a reply. "You practically sleep in this thing." Ginny had wrapped it around her. "Well, it is pretty comfortable."

Hermione waited with baited breath for Ginny to exclaim about how it gave her a backrub or something about the hands around her waist. But Ginny didn't say anything else about it, and a few minutes later, she had put it back on Hermione's bed._ Strange. Does it only work for me. _But all thoughts of the bathrobe were dismissed as the girls scurried down to the Great Hall for dinner.


	11. Chapter 11: It's My Life

**Chapter 11 "It's My Life"**

"_Like Frankie said, I did it my way. It's my life."_ -- Bon Jovi

Severus was still pissed at Kingsley for being thrown into this bloody rescue mission without any real choice, but it would ease Miss Granger's pain. Even if they never found a cure, she would at least have been active in trying. One less nightmare, he reasoned, _for her_ at any rate. Severus still had nightmares about how he'd been unable to save Lily. Sure, her death and his information had given the Order the weapon necessary to defeat Voldemort: Harry Potter. But that did nothing to placate Snape. It could have been Neville instead, and then Lily'd still be alive. She wouldn't be his, but she'd have been alive. It might have been enough.

Snape sighed. He still had no idea how Lily had saved him, but right now it was enough that she had. He still dreamed of the kiss sometimes. One dream had finally come true. None of the women he had been with since held a candle to Lily Evans. A few had been amazing in bed. But, come morning, he'd no desire to stay. One buxom blonde had convinced him to permanently spell his teeth white. It did make him more attractive. He even washed his hair regularly now. But what did it matter how he looked? Lily would never see him again.

It had been a few days since the evening when Headmistress had last burst into his office and classroom. The woman was a menace! She'd caused him to tell the plan to anyone sooner than he'd planned. Severus still remembered the shock he'd felt when Miss Granger had expressed her doubts. He had always thought of her as a bossy know-it-all. She'd never shown any doubts that they could create a potion to combat Nagini's venom. Why was she suddenly so unsure of herself? At least he had been able to reassure her. She'd seemed better when she'd left his office.

He hoped the bathrobe would keep Miss Granger out of trouble. He had thought it a brilliant idea when it'd come to him later that night. She had been so soft in his arms… so willing to lean against him—her teacher! Clearly, she was too distraught to think rationally. Snape was worried she would end up mixed up with someone before Ron awoke. Not to mention that he wasn't going to be stuck holding the bag when it came to solving this damn mystery! Mr. Weasley genuinely cared for Miss Granger despite flirting with his fans. It took more of a man than Snape had ever met to not be interested in all that smiling female attention. But at the end of the day, it was clear that Mr. Weasley and Miss Granger would be happy together. There was no reason to think otherwise. And why would she be stupid enough to go around cuddling with other men? She was too distraught to be rational? Or were women just never happy with whom they got? Why had Lily ever looked at James when she'd had him? Severus cringed when he remembered that that had been all his fault. But Ron Weasley hadn't done anything besides get himself into the accident. He hoped the damn bathrobe kept Hermione rational. He needed her to be rational.

But why was he suddenly so concerned? He had never before cared whether couples were happy or not. He could never have that so why should they? He was the Grinch of relationships. He was loosing his touch. Somehow Lily had brought him back to life. Somehow, with Voldemort truly gone, it seemed like happy endings were possible. It seemed such a shame for Miss Granger's hormones to ruin her chance at happiness. If she could ever figure out how to wake him up, that is. How did he get the part of a benevolent uncle? It was absurd!

Even more absurd was Minerva's idea of his being a lecherous uncle! Well, if Minerva had an overactive imagination, he would deal with it. The idea that he would form an attachment for a student was ridiculous! And Hermione Granger! Severus refused to recall how nice she felt in his embrace. What would he want with a nineteen year old? Minerva McGonagall was completely out of line. He really didn't have time to deal with this. He had just returned from another trial at the Ministry. But if he didn't have a word with her now, he had no idea when he'd have time. He turned away from the direction of his quarters and headed towards her office, robes billowing.

Severus spoke the password, Albus, to the gargoyle before entering the Headmistress's office. Minerva was frantically writing a correspondence so long that the parchment was rolling over the top of her mahogany desk. He cleared his throat and she looked up, surprised.

"Is everything alright, Severus?" She placed the quill back in its stand.

"I was going to ask you the same thing, Headmistress."

"I'm afraid I don't understand."

"I trust that you've had time to contact the Minister," Severus began.

"Oh, yes." Minerva nodded. "Ron and Harry. Yes, yes. I can give Hermione her own rooms after her graduation. I suppose we could say she's doing scholarly research… I still have to plan for that graduation ceremony… Severus, how did you run the school with saving Harry and everything else?"

Severus gave her one of his rare smiles. "I never slept."

Minerva let out a loud sigh and shook her head. "So it would seem."

Severus walked behind her chair and began to massage her shoulders. "Oh, you are a dear," she muttered. "It's worth having you come back to our side just for this."

"Indeed," Severus replied. A backrub was the surest way of bringing McGonagall around. "Minerva, what's gotten into you?"

"Hmm?" she mumbled incoherently.

"This business about bursting into my office—twice now. You really ought to learn to knock." He pressed against a stubborn knot directly below her neck causing her to mumble as pain shot through her. "I'd have thought your imagination would lead you to believe I'd be secretly torturing students instead of conducting affairs with them!"

"Ohh… It's just… I…" Minerva was having trouble thinking as Severus worked out the tight knots in her shoulder blades. It might be painful, but it was a good kind of pain. "Severus, after… after Albus died… I went into shock. I couldn't bring myself to think… but then you left. And then Voldemort appointed you Headmaster. Last year was hell. And then you ran out! You left during the battle. I know I asked you to come back this year. And I meant it… but it's just… hard to get passed all that's happened. And you've been giving her so many detentions. She's never gotten into trouble… Ok. She has, but not in class. I know in my head you'd never take advantage of Miss Granger. But there are moments when…"

Severus nodded although she couldn't see him. "I see. Minerva, I wouldn't conduct an assignation if Lily Evans came back reincarnated as a student. Miss Granger has nothing to fear from me. And I can tell she knows that. It just seems that you don't.

"Would you have liked me to have accidentally scrapped her cornea when I used 'Accio' to get that thing out of her eye in an effort to keep my distance? You can't have it both ways." Severus had learned long ago that some small lies were easier than the truth. This one was no exception.

Minerva laughed. "That is why I asked you to come back, Severus. No one thinks of things quite like you. Maybe we could discuss the situation later?"

Severus stopped rubbing her back and walked to an empty chair by the fire. "Alright. It's three weeks until the examinations. This year has been more stressful than last. Minerva, if you ever put me through this again, I swear I'll leave and never come back."

Minerva's smile reached her eyes as she spoke. "I think I can safely promise that you'll never find yourself with so many classes again. Afterall, it should take another hundred years for another evil Dark Lord to pop up. Eleven classes is a lot, but surely you've terrified them all into submission by now?"

"That's the problem." Severus sighed. "The first years are still incompetent, but all the other students are too terrified to think straight. I don't know if it's just memories of last year and what the Dark Arts classes were like under the Carrows or if they don't believe I was on their side. It's like Potter didn't expound at length on my many virtues. Like I never received the Order of Merlin. I don't know. I never minded when they were scared of me before. If they thought I was going to hex them into next Tuesday, so much the better. Last year, I wasn't teaching and if they were scared of me… Well, they had to be; I couldn't afford to slip up. But now when every adult has recognized… It's just… harder than it's ever been. I'd prefer to control their level of terror."

Minvera nodded. "The aftermath is always hardest. Picking up the pieces. But surely, it's not so bad." She gave him a look of disbelief. "I saw all those lovely witches fawning over you this summer. Which did you take with you to Eastern Europe?"

"None. I left to get rid of them. My sneers and glares were, apparently, 'sexy' and 'perfect for a spy.' They all wanted to be the one to 'help me recover from my love of Lily.' Those very words, Minerva. It was damn insufferable. I don't want to be bedded and coddled for being a spy. Then that Skeeter woman wanted to write a biography on me! When Wimperson mentioned his house, well, I left the next morning."

"How traumatic." Minerva laughed again.

"I live to amuse you." Severus sneered but without any true malice.

"Then, you'll be happy to know that Rita Skeeter went ahead with the biography. It's over there if you'd like to read it." Severus groaned. "And Kingsley was really not happy with you for leaving. He needed your testimonies for the Death Eaters."

"I've spent every bloody weekend since term started in that damn room testifying. Like they need me to tell them anything. Every Death Eater has a scar where the Mark was. But no, that's not enough that I have enough classes and witness duty to drive me to drink. Kingsley insists that I spend the rest of my precise time finding a cure for the damned duo."

Minerva shook her head. "There was a time when I could have detected hatred behind those words."

Severus glared at her and refused to reply. Minerva continued, "After Christmas, I need your help in hiring a new Potions teacher. Horace has vowed to retire in the spring regardless."

"I might threaten the same," Severus replied.

"Nonsense." Dumbledore's portrait spoke up. "What are you going to do? Become a brilliant researcher? You already are one."

"I could sell out, make a fortune, and retire," Severus replied.

"Albus, is quite right," Minerva rebuked. "You already do research here. And besides, who would you terrorize without students?"

"The fools who work in my laboratory," Severus supplied. "And I could have my own house. No more evening duties or grading."

"Yes," Minerva chuckled. "Get yourself one of those witches pining after you and settle down. I'm sure they'll all be knocking down your door before the week is out once you leave Hogwarts."

"You wouldn't!?" Severus shot up from his seat.

"I wouldn't need to," Minerva assured him smoothly. "You wouldn't be that hard to track down. Even if you return to Spinner's End, I'm sure plenty of women would find the place… intriguing."

"If you do, I'll tell everyone what happened that Christmas you downed an entire bottle of Firewhiskey." Severus smirked. _Checkmate._

"You wouldn't?!" Minerva gasped.

"Come now, Minerva, we know too much about each other to play this game." Severus walked to the door. "I should let you get back to work."

Minerva put her hands on her temples. "Thank goodness the reconstruction will be done soon. And this graduation to plan. You aren't the only one who has to testify before the Wizengamot. I had hoped these trials would be over by the start of… Christmas will come soon enough."

Snape stood up and got ready to leave. Minerva had been more reasonable than he'd expected. Over the years, Minerva had been a good colleague. They were never quite friends, Severus never had any friends. Dumbledore was his boss, not someone to confide in. Severus hadn't wanted the Headmaster to know more about him than he had already known. But Minerva had been the closest thing to a friend Severus had had, until the Headmaster's death. And it had felt good to voice some of the thoughts that had been plaguing him. Who was he turning into? First caring about Miss Granger's relationship without any angle or malice, and now talking so openly to Minerva?! But there was no denying that he felt better, as if a weight had been lifted. It was a luxury he'd never had before. He wanted to thank her, but that seemed so contrite.

He glanced back at Minerva who'd returned her mountain of parchment. "I testified against the Carrows today," Snape said on his way out the door. "Life sentences for both of them."

"Severus, that is the best news I have had all week." Allowing herself a full grin, Minerva reached for the papers at her desk with extra zest.


	12. Chapter 12: Patience

**Chapter 12 "Patience"**

"_It's been hard, but I have to believe. Have a little patience."_ -- Take That

Hermione didn't receive a single detention over the course of the last three weeks of the accelerated term. She might not have even noticed the change. Every waking moment was spent in her classes or with her books. She read at meals; she studied in the library until the Common Room was empty. Then, she studied some more. Finally, when she could no longer read the words on the page, she struggled up the stairs and fell asleep in the gentle arms of her bathrobe.

Ginny could have tried to distract her, but the Gryffindor Quidditch team wasn't up to par. The youngest Weasley was running practices almost every night. Ravenclaw had beaten Hufflepuff, and Ginny was terrified that without Harry or Ron the team would not be up to scratch next week for Slytherin. Seamus and Dean, back on the team, were the only ones who spoke with her. At any given time, the three of them could be seen huddled together going over new game plays. While Hermione could only talk about her classes, Ginny seemed to have forgotten that there was anything to life other than Quidditch. If Hermione thought about Ginny's obsession at all, it was that it was good for them to bury themselves in something other than misery. They were both too exhausted most nights to even dream.

Hermione did take off the Saturday afternoon to watch the Quidditch game of Slytherin vs. Gryffindor. For a few hours, she forgot the N.E.W.T.s looming overhead as she screamed with the other members of her house when Dean scored. Dennis Creevey commented on the match. Dennis's voice served as a constant reminder of the loss of Colin and all the others. Hermione felt lost without Ron as the Keeper, but Ginny was back as the Seeker. She was good and much better than Malfoy. Still, Harry had been faster. 

In the end, Hermione stayed not because she cared whether they beat Slytherin—she did, really she did, just not to the point that everyone else did—instead, she stayed because Ron and Harry would've been so sorry to have missed it. They would want every detail when she saw them again, so she diligently took notes of the passes and the saves. 

Several hours later, the Gryffindor Common Room was still bursting with the cheers of its students celebrating a hardy victory.

"And then, whoosh! Out of nowhere comes our captain," said Dean. "She grabbed the Snitch from under Malfoy's snobby nose."

Ginny blushed happily. Someone had stolen biscuits and pies from the kitchens, and all the first years looked a bit green from such a large sugar intake. Hermione could hardly hear herself think, and her head was beginning to throb. Everyone was retelling their favorite plays and getting louder with more laughter and cheers. It was skyrocketing out of control. As a Prefect, she had a duty to uphold order. She dismissed it. 

Instead, she slid past the Fat Lady and walked to the library. Somehow, she couldn't bring herself to celebrate. Since the beginning of the term, Hermione had reminded herself that Harry and Ron wouldn't have been at Hogwarts regardless, that this year would have been different anyway, but, they'd have come back for this match. They'd never miss the chance to see Ginny shine and to see Slytherin get creamed. 

She sat down at her usual desk. Madam Pince had allowed Hermione to keep her books there since she rarely left the library anymore. She picked up her Defense Against the Dark Arts book. Snape had assigned three feet of parchment due tomorrow on Banshees. She had finished the essay, but there were one or two points left that she needed to double check. With only two weeks before N.E.W.T.s, there was not much time left to complete assignments and study properly. She didn't hear the rustling of fabric behind her, so the hand on her shoulder startled her. After jumping up, Hermione turned around to see Professor Snape, smiling at her surprise. Next to him, a large pile of books was floating, clearly waiting for the incipient conversation to be finished before following their temporary owner out of the room. She briefly wondered what he was researching.

"Miss Granger, you should be more aware of your surroundings. Constant vigilance," he whispered.

"Yes, sir." She had no idea what he was doing there and wasn't sure that she cared very much. 

"You might have noticed your… lack of detentions lately," he began softly. Hermione nodded slowly. "It has come to my attention that you are, perhaps, stretched thin at the moment and that further… activities would be unwise."

Hermione met his gaze. "Professor Snape, I can assure you that my work hasn't been suffering."

He sneered. "Miss Granger, I wasn't making a reference to your work, which is as longwinded as always." He pointed to the five feet of parchment on the desk. "If I were to deduct points for extra length, you'd never have finished first year Potions.

"No, Miss Granger. The Headmistress feels that you aren't taking proper care of yourself. She has forbidden any visits until you cease being a student. Of course, if you feel the need for some cauldron scrubbing, I'd be happy to see you at eight this evening." He smirked.

"Professor McGonagall?" Hermione had not heard the last of what he said. "But I haven't been in over a week!"

"I am well aware of that fact, Miss Granger."

"I even took notes on the game for them," she whispered.

"They won't know the difference when you see them after your N.E.W.T.s," Snape said without thinking.

"Thank you, Professor," Hermione spat venom. It was true, but the bluntness of his remark made her eyes water. "Such thoughtful remarks are always appreciated."

He didn't reply. Hermione didn't know if it was because he was tired of dealing with her or if he was perhaps repentant. She turned back to her books. Maybe it didn't matter. After a few seconds, she head footsteps backing away. He was gone. 

What felt like minutes later, she felt another tap on her shoulder. It was Ginny. 

"I came looking for you." The redhead smiled as she pulled up a chair. "You never came back."

"Yes, well, I took the afternoon off for the game. I didn't have time for the celebrations too. I am so behind," Hermione said briskly, then paused. "I'll be down for dinner."

Ginny shook her head. "Hermione, dinner was hours ago! It's eleven."

For the first time, Hermione heard the discontented rumblings of her stomach. She groaned. Without another word, Ginny took Hermione by the hand and dragged her down to the kitchens. They sat down at one of the tables in the kitchen. Two house-elves that Hermione didn't recognize were happy to give them more food than even Ron could've eaten. She sighed. Why did everything have to remind her of him? 

As if she could read her mind, Ginny said, "I miss him too. Both of them. It seems like everywhere I turn, everything I see… Today was so hard. I kept comparing what I did with how Harry would've…"

Hermione reached for her friend's hand. "I know. But you'd have been captain anyway. You didn't take anything from him. They weren't coming back. I hadn't even told them that I was. I meant to but…"

Ginny laughed. "Oh, Ron knew you would. Said there was no way you could pass up the chance to get another ten Outstandings. He probably figured you'd be Head Girl."

"No, I'd only have wanted that if they were here. The accelerated track is much better. I don't think I could be here a whole year without them. At least, you're younger, you were _supposed _to be here without them."

"Not twice." Ginny's bitter tone surprised Hermione. "Last year... it was hard on everyone. But it was so hard to be without you. To worry. To never know. Fighting the Carrows and Snape—that was all I had. Neville, Luna, Colin, everyone. We were just counting on you, wondering if you were okay. It was unimaginatively awful. 

"You were out on the run. You knew you were in danger. But we… Hogwarts was always supposed to be the safest place for us to be. And then… it was worse than my first year when I found Riddle's diary. To have the one place you felt safe—I did have Fred and George at home, mind—to have it suddenly become so dangerous. It was surreal. Neville was suddenly so brave. It was almost easy because all of us kept thinking: how could this be real? How could this be Hogwarts?"

"I… I never really thought about it," Hermione admitted. "I knew it couldn't be good with Snape as Headmaster, but… I never thought about what was happening here… I'm sorry, Ginny."

Ginny shrugged. "It's not like I could've gone with you. Mum would have had my head first. I wouldn't have been able to do magic at any rate. I'd have gotten us all killed rather quickly. And I knew that, but… it was hard. 

"But you know, I've wondered… how terrible must it have been for Snape? To have to pretend that he enjoyed the Carrows' methods and… You know, when he punished me… he had this mad gleam in his eye. At the time, I thought he was just thrilled to be whipping Potter's ex-girlfriend. He said a few cutting things, and I… But now, I think maybe he was going mad because he was so disgusted with himself, with what he had become. I think he might have been happy that Nagini bit him, just to put an end to it all. I still wonder if he's grateful to whoever saved his life."

Hermione picked up a forkful of Shepherd's Pie before replying._Would he have been happier if she hadn't interfered?_ "I guess whoever saved him didn't have time to think about whether he wanted to be saved. Besides, someone said there wasn't a bite mark."

"Didn't Madam Pomfrey say that he had lost blood when she found him? And his robes were covered in it. I saw him that night when I was helping her with the wounded. Where did all the blood come from?" Ginny asked. "A chicken?"

Hermione laughed at the reference to the Chamber of Secrets ordeal. "It's good to hear you make light of everything. How insane is it that normal for us means creating plans to fight the 'Dark Lord' instead of what most teenage girls plan: finding and dating boys?"

"Oh, we found the boys. We're multi-taskers." Ginny bit into a roll. "But I really had thought that it would all be perfect once Riddle was gone."

"Me too." Hermione shoveled another bit into her mouth. "Ginny, what if… what if the car accident wasn't an accident? Who had something to gain from their…"

"I don't know." Ginny pondered as she chewed. "I've thought about it. They're crazy, but not stupid. You don't beat Voldemort and then miss a red light. Malfoy wouldn't do it. Not now that he owes you three a life debt. The usual suspects are gone. Snape's a good guy. Voldemort's dead."

"That's all I have too," Hermione grumbled. 

"Hermione, they'll figure something out. Just have patience. I knew Harry would come back to me last year, and I know they'll be okay now too. They aren't here, but at least they aren't dead."

They ate in silence until they could not even look at the food. As they headed towards the Common Room, Hermione slipped her arm around Ginny's waist. It was good to have a friend, one who really understood. Even if Hermione did not have the time to be such a great friend in return.

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_Author's Notes: Thanks to everyone who has been reading and reviewing! I'm not good with Author's Notes but I really appreciate it!_


	13. Chapter 13: One for My Baby

**Chapter 13 "One for my Baby" **

_"Make it one for my baby and one more for the road." _-- Mercer and Arlen

Severus let out a long sigh of relief as he opened his bottom desk drawer. He fished out the small bottle of Talisker twelve-year-old single malt next to his prize bottle of Ogden's Private Stock. How few of his Death Eater comrades could admit to the beauty of Muggle Scotch. Tonight warranted a celebration. His accelerated classes were done. The little twerps would be tested beginning tomorrow. It would be a whole week before Miss Granger would be able to take time out for the little project Kingsley had assigned them. From now on, he would only be teaching seven classes—all Defense Against the Dark Arts. No more fear of cauldron explosions. He took a deep swig. Once again, things were looking up.

Professor Snape had never particularly fretted over his students' achievements in class. He had known that his Slytherins would pass his course because he arranged it that way. How would it have looked if the sons of his fellow Death Eaters did not excel in his class? Besides, he had enjoyed beating the system. He had loved getting even with Sirius and James by giving Harry detention. He had even loved the idea that coddling Goyle and Crabbe would enhance their stupidity, not that that trait needed any improvements in their case.

But Snape no longer felt the thrill that he once had when he deducted points from Gryffindor or awarded them, earned or otherwise, to Slytherin. Somehow, it seemed so trivial. What did it matter? If Lily had been around, she'd probably laugh and say that Severus was finally maturing. Late, but better late than never. 

Of course, Lily wouldn't have called all the trysts he'd had over this past summer mature. More like a sixteen-year-old's fantasies come to life. Lovely ladies, who happily fell into his bed and acted as if it were a huge privilege to boot. But as Hermi—Miss Granger had once so justly pointed out, someone needed to celebrate. _And who better than me?_ he questioned, as he drained the last of the glass. Everyone else had been fighting for a few years at most. He'd been struggling for nineteen long years.

Would Lily have admitted that Sirius had been just as immature? That perhaps, out of their little Gryffindor bunch, only Lily and Lupin had shown any real sense? Well, Lupin was a bit of stretch; just look at his utter lack of backbone in admitting that an escaped convict might be disguised as a dog. But as the Headmaster had said last year, perhaps they did Sort too soon. Did Lupin really have the courage to be a Gryffindor if he couldn't admit the simple truth?

Severus took another swig from his glass. Lily would have pointed out that he'd always been petty, like that incident with the tree limb and Petunia. His meanness had very little to do with goading from James, who had definitely helped by providing a valid target for Snape's uniquely-constructed curses. Perhaps his parents were to blame. His father had taught to either bully or be bullied. At school, that point should have been underscored by the cruelty of James and Sirius. But they were all dead. Everyone he had hated or loved while a student at Hogwarts was gone forever. And where his bullying had come from wasn't the point. Rather, the point was that he no longer found it gratifying. 

Severus reasoned that a near-death experience changed many people's lives. He was always reading about that on magazine covers when he was in Muggle stores and when he had watched the telly. Not that he had too much experience in the Muggle world recently, except for this summer. Although he had met with wizards and witches abroad, Severus had allowed himself to pass as a Muggle some of the time during August. He hadn't forgotten how, despite the years when he wasn't able to. It had seemed a senseless risk with the Dark Lord at large, something that might have called Severus's loyalty into question. Living at Spinner's End could be excused since he owned the property. But to interact with Muggles while a Death Eater? Severus would have died within the week.

Severus sighed; how had this term been such a strain when he was no longer a spy? The last three weeks had felt even longer than the rest of term despite the now-free evenings, which used to be filled with visits to St. Mungo's. A small part of Severus's brain questioned if it were, perhaps, the lack of these visits that had prolonged the time. Ridiculous! Why should he pine to see Potter and Weasley? _No, not them. The other one. The young woman who had looked so fetching in that short skirt and tight top. _Snape sprang out of his chair, disgusted with himself. She was a student. He was not going to give truth to Minerva's earlier accusations. He did _not_ think about his students in that fashion. It was the one cardinal rule that he actually kept. _But she won't be a student in another week. And you'll be working closely with her…_

Severus walked over to his cabinet. If this was where his drunken thoughts were going, he needed to sober up immediately. But before he could swallow the SoberUp Potion, his mind presented him with a disturbing comparison. Hermione was smart like Lily. She was just as frank, just as driven, just as loyal. She was Muggle-born. Of course, Lily had been a beautiful child, and no one would have said that of Hermione. But Miss Granger had matured quite nicely. Her hair was just a bit less bushy, and her curves were lovely. In fact, if he had seen her on the playground at six, he probably would have been as taken with her as he'd been with Lily. Maybe they would have been friends…

"Except you would have been twenty-five, you pervert!" Snape said aloud, facing the mirror. He had always wanted Lily to come back to him but not like this! And after what he'd told Minerva… He was just lonely, just drunk, he assured himself as he gulped down the SoberUp Potion. 


	14. Chapter 14: Celebration

**Chapter 14 "Celebration!"**

_"Let's all celebrate and have a good time!"_ -- Kool and the Gang

Hermione breathed another sigh of relief. They were over! Her N.E.W.T.s were over. Later, she'd head over to Hogsmeade with the others. She was nineteen, and it was high time she got sloshed. But first, she had to take a quick nap or she'd never even make it down the hill to Hogsmeade. Pulling off her robes, she snuggled into her bathrobe. Alcohol would never begin to have the pull on her that this one item of clothing did. If it were possible to be addicted to something you couldn't ingest, Hermione was addicted to the snuggling and comfort that her bathrobe gave her. She just tried not to think about who had given it to her. 

Professor Snape had been markedly distant since their confrontation in the library. She'd stopped offering information in class and doubted he would ever call on her. It was easier to try and elude his notice. Such a path might be called cowardly, but she preferred the term prudent. They'd be working together soon enough. She saw little reason in riling him unnecessarily. Professor McGonagall had prepared private rooms for Hermione already, but she suddenly found herself unwilling to leave the overcrowded dormitory until it was necessary. Her parents should be arriving in Hogsmeade tomorrow for the afternoon graduation celebration. Hermione hadn't quite worked out how there could be a celebration without their N.E.W.T.s results, but there it was. The end of the year feast had celebrated the end of the year, but not any sort of formal graduation. Apparently, the Headmistress was trying something new. Or more likely, Hermione thought cynically, the Ministry wanted another party because that's all the event was. Family members and Ministry officials had been invited for an afternoon feast in the Great Hall. There might be a few speeches, but mostly it would be food and chatting and saying good-bye. 

Lavender shook Hermione awake a few hours later to get ready for the night out. All twelve soon-to-be ex pupils gathered in the Great Hall and chatted on the walk down into the village. Hermione found herself beside Draco Malfoy. He no longer called her Mudblood. She had stopped calling him ferret. They were not exactly friends, but 'enemies' wasn't the right term anymore either. He told her he planned on working for the Ministry, and Hermione refrained from any negative comment. It was a sound decision that might help his family gain some respectability. She doubted Lucius had even done an honest day's work. It was a step in the right direction for Draco.

The Three Broomsticks wasn't too crowded, considering it was a Friday evening. But Hermione was quickly accosted by George, who insisted on buying her one drink, then another. They talked about the shop, how well it was doing. They avoided any mention of the Burrow or any of the boys. Ron, Harry, and Fred might have been absent, but George and Hermione comforted each other with wry smiles each time one of the absent loved ones would have made a comment. 

It was eleven and well past student curfew when the party began to break up. George had left long ago since the shop had to open early on Saturday.

"I'm an old man now," he joked, but Hermione knew that losing Fred really had aged him. 

Hermione finished up her last drink and thought about heading to the door. She was pleasantly intoxicated. Life was starting to look quite cozy and pretty, but she wasn't so far gone that she could contemplate walking back alone. She turned to Cho, who while not sober was the best of the bunch. 

"Ready to head back?" Hermione asked.

"Aye, sure." Cho hiccupped, and the girls settled their bills. 

Stepping out into the street, Hermione was beginning to think that perhaps two tipsy girls weren't enough. Should she have made everyone walk back together? Surely, no one would attack all twenty of them. She and Cho weren't looking very intimidating… Hermione gasped as a firm hand grabbed her. 

"Whatever happened to constant vigilance, Miss Granger?" a silky voice whispered in her ear.

Hermione knew instantly that it was Professor Snape. No one else quoted Mad-Eye Moody to her. She was annoyed at the echo of her thoughts on how inadequate Cho had turned out to be as an escort. The girl hadn't even noticed that Hermione was no longer next to her. 

The Grangers had always said magic was all well and good, but martial arts were superior. They had pointed out that a physical attack would be the last thing a Death Eater would expect, and Hermione had eagerly agreed to learn something new. So the summer before fifth year, Hermione had endured long hours of self-defense class. She continued to practice the moves every once in a while. 

Her parents had been right. Snape wasn't at all prepared when Hermione, with a quick shift of body weight and flick of the wrist, freed herself and put him in a position of painful subjugation. He groaned as she tightened her hold on his twisted forearm. 

"What was that about constant vigilance, Professor Snape?" she asked in a sweet, if slightly slurred, voice. 

She let go of him and walked up the hill. He didn't need to race to catch up with her, as his strides were twice the length of her own. 

"Professor McGonagall realized that she hadn't yet asked you to speak at the ceremony tomorrow. I was sent to tell you."

Hermione laughed. "All by yourself? Without a guard to make sure you didn't molest me?"

Professor Snape didn't appreciate the joke. He looked around to make sure no one had heard her accusations. The street was deserted except for the small figure of Miss Chang ahead of them.

"Miss Granger, I think you've had too much to drink."

Hermione laughed again, perhaps that last drink hadn't been wise. She seemed to have lost the clarity she'd found when Snape had attacked her. Perhaps she simply felt safe. No one would be stupid enough to mess with an ex-Death Eater. The world was starting to seem not just cozy but very funny. The idea that the Headmistress thought she could come up with a speech on such short notice while tipsy to boot! The idea of Snape dragging himself down to the village to deliver the message instead of just leaving her a note! It was silly and quite hilarious. She looked up at him, which meant that she didn't look where she was going and stumbled into a pothole. The professor caught her arm before she fell. 

"Definitely too much, Miss Granger." He smirked.

_As if he's never had too much._ But then, who knew? Snape kept a hold of her arm to make sure she did not stumble again, and Hermione smiled up lazily at him. It was nice to have someone to see her home, so to speak. Ron had always watched out for her at parties, even when his fan club had demanded his attention. 

But she'd always stopped before she'd had too much. Her parents had been with her! She couldn't get drunk out of her skull in front of them! The lectures about what could have happened to her after she had sent them away to Australia had been quite a guilt trip over the summer. Only her parents could make it sound like she was having a lark instead of saving the wizarding and Muggle worlds from ruin. She hadn't wanted to do anything to earn herself another gut-wrenching lecture. And there was always the press at those damn events! If Skeeter had ever seen her intoxicated, life would have been over. She could see the headlines. She shuddered. 

"You can never have too much of a good thing." Each word was spoken slowly and distinctly as Hermione finally focused enough to reply to the man who was steering her away from a tree on her left. 

Snape looked highly amused. "And just what was this good thing?"

"Ogden's, of course. I love George forever," she sputtered. "Fantastic stuff!" She grinned cheekily at him. "Do you still have some, Professor?" Only Hermione would remember titles when she couldn't remember how to walk. 

Snape was horrified when she stopped suddenly. Would she need to be carried? They were halfway to the gates, but he wasn't sure he could accomplish such a feat. And what if someone saw him levitating her? He pinched his nose to halt the oncoming headache. 

"Do you have any more Ogden's?" Hermione sounded quite hopeful. Snape sighed. Minerva's star pupil had just re-asked a question. She was definitely pickled. 

"And if I did, why would I give it to you?" 

He sneered. She sulked. He made it sound as if giving her a drink from his private stash would be tantamount to wasting it. 

"Spoilsport!" She stuck her tongue out at him.

"You'll thank me tomorrow," he reassured her before chuckling. 

Then something occurred to Hermione through her hazy thoughts. "You're being awfully nice," she said suspiciously. 

It wasn't a sensible thing to say right after accusing him of being a wet blanket, but he wasn't acting like his usual disdainful self. He hadn't docked her points for being intoxicated or for staying out past curfew. Of course, they had been given permission for the Hogsmeade trip in the first place. But when had that stopped him before? And why he was being so patient when she was walking slowly and using him as an anchor to boot?

"Just protecting an investment," he replied.

"Investment?" Hermione stopped again and looked up at him with her big brown eyes. How was she an investment?

"Our project. I don't have time for it. You, Miss Granger, will have your work cut out for you," he answered. 

"The Minister told us both to help. You can't back off now." 

Snape stiffened and stopped abruptly. Hermione crashed into him accidentally as the alcohol began to hit her full force. 

He sighed, exasperated. "I've taken you to visit them. I'll continue to do so. I'd be happy to discuss any theories you have. I… I have my own project that I need to focus on."

Instead of answering, Hermione just leaned against him and sighed. He made a nice pillow. She hadn't heard a word he had said. What a nice voice he had. Maybe he could read the telephone book to her. She should ask. "Professor, would you read the telephone book to me?"

He snorted. "Is it going to expedite the project?"

"What project?" She gazed dreamily up at him.

"No, Miss Granger. I won't read the telephone book."

She sighed as her pillow started moving again and grabbed his arm to steady herself. "Then just keep talking."

And he did. All the way back to the Great Hall. 


	15. Chapter 15: So Far Away

**Chapter 15 "So Far Away"**

_"Holding you again could only do me good. How I wish I could. But you're so far away."_ -- Carole King

Severus looked out over dinner at the Great Hall. Gone were the four long tables. Instead, everyone sat at round tables, which held up to ten people each. Parents were sitting with their children who'd just finished at Hogwarts. Minerva had prepared everything perfectly for the afternoon. Severus had known that she would. Why she'd been worried was beyond him.

He spied a bushy head of hair surrounded by redheads. Hermione was seated with her parents and most of the Weasley clan. It was almost sad that they all fit at one table. Of course Charlie was in Romania again, but Percy had taken off time from the Ministry to come, and Bill and Fleur were there as well. Hermione had surpassed Severus's expectations with her speech, considering her condition last night. From the general tone of her address, he'd be willing to bet that she'd simply reformatted one of her speeches from the series she, Ron, and Harry had been forced to give over the summer. Still, she had pulled it off quite well. She looked in high spirits at her family table. He'd not seen her this cheerful in months. Except perhaps for last night. Miss Granger was a charming drunk.

Minerva leaned towards him. "Now, Severus, don't glare. You should be pleased. Four less classes to teach from now on."

Kingsley, on Snape's other side, smiled. "Yes, Severus, I can't wait to see the results of your new project, now that you have more time."

Flitwick overhead the comment. "What project, Severus?"

Severus turned his glare from the crowd in front of them to Kingsley in particular. "The Minister is simply hoping I can find something in a Dark Arts book to get that Skeeter woman to stop writing."

Flitwick chuckled. "Oh, Severus, that's marvelous. They should give you a medal for it."

Professor Sprout interrupted, "After her book came out about Dumbledore, oh! But then, I suppose you're only doing this favor for revenge. What she said about you in that 'biography!'"

"I never read it," Snape assured her.

"Still!" The Herbology professor smiled mischievously from a few chairs over. "I'd love to give her a piece of my mind."

"And have it appear twisted in the _Prophet_ the next morning?" Minerva remarked.

"That paper should hire someone with morals or at least some integrity," Professor Sprout countered.

"That would diminish the sales of a paper which relies on sensationalism. How would the editors get such 'juicy' stories if their writers had ethics?" Snape asked as he turned his attention back to his plate. The others continued to mutter about the evils of Skeeter and the _Daily Prophet_. Severus ignored them.

Minerva had informed him that Miss Granger's new rooms were near the professors' quarters. She'd be moving out of the Tower tomorrow. As a "Scholar in Resident," Miss Granger would have full access to all wings of the library and the castle in general. Officially, she would be doing research for the book she'd begun over the summer while secretly devoting a significant portion of her time to solving the mystery surrounding Harry and Ron. At least that was how Snape saw it, and he had no real interest in solving Kingsley's project he'd decided. He would take her to St. Mungo's tomorrow evening to fulfill his part of the bargain. For tonight, she should be with her family and friends, which didn't include him.

Severus sighed as they entered St. Mungo's, not wanting to admit to himself how much he had missed this time with Hermione. Now that she was no longer a student, Severus supposed he didn't need to escort her. Except that the Healers thought they were coming to see his grandmother. Why on earth would Hermione come to do that without him? More to the point, why would she come in the first place? Severus shrugged; the receptionist fell for the line so why argue? Besides, much as Hermione would probably love to be out of his presence, they still had no idea who had attacked the boys. Surely, the same person would be waiting for an opportunity to harm her as well? Then he'd lose her assistance and be responsible for the accident to boot. Kingsley would then hound him until he found an antidote or cure: his own personal version of hell on earth. Well, no, he'd already lived through hell on earth, which involved being responsible for the death of his true love and having to lead a double life until he no longer knew who he truly was. Let Kingsley do his worst. On the other hand, if Miss Granger could figure this out quickly, so much the better.

The elderly wizard was again at the front desk. "Ah! Professor Snape! We haven't seen you in a spell. Wondered if you'd be comin' back." The old man smiled up at him happily.

"As you can see we have." Snape sneered. He was not about to justify his actions to anyone.

"So nice to see you again," Hermione piped up as she smiled.

"Just sign in here, you know the way." The mediwizard stuttered as he smiled back at her.

When they had gone beyond the wizard's hearing, Hermione asked in a hushed voice, "Is your grandmother really here?"

"As far as you're concerned, yes." Snape turned the corner sharply without glancing in her direction.

"No need to snap," Hermione pointed out then tried another topic. "Are you pleased to be teaching less?"

"Today is Sunday, Miss Granger. I haven't had time to notice the difference."

"But surely you've had less to plan and more free time," she countered.

"Time that was used to bring your intoxicated self back from Hogsmeade; then I had to attend yesterday's festivities." Severus's tone underscored his distaste for such frivolities.

After she'd attacked him at the Three Broomsticks, she had actually been almost sweet that night. It had been nice the way she'd leaned against him during the walk. But he wasn't going to think about that. No. _Distance is good._

"If the graduation feast was so arduous to you, why didn't you spend the weekend with one of your girlfriends?" Hermione spat out.

"As a teacher at Hogwarts, I couldn't miss the celebration. And what I do with my personal time is none of your affair," he hissed as they approached the door.

The last thing he needed was Aurors overhearing a spat between him and Miss Granger. Kingsley would blame Snape since he was the elder. Minerva would jump the gun again, and there would be hell to pay.

Miss Granger dropped the conversation as well, but the look that she gave him told him the argument wasn't over, just postponed. She immediately went towards her comatose friends and gave them a hug. Then, she sat on the edge of Harry's bed, pulled notes out of her bag, and began reciting a play-by-play of the Gryffindor Quidditch victory.

Severus glanced at the patients' charts but found nothing of consequence. Instead of pondering the problem, he sat down in a spare chair by the window as he listened to Hermione's voice. It had a nice lilt to it. Despite her lack of enthusiasm for Quidditch, she was endeavoring to bring the same excitement into her replay that the boys would have felt. Hermione wasn't beautiful. She didn't have Lily's hair or eyes, but there was something about her. Something that made him feel connected to her.

Disturbed, Severus's thoughts turned back to Lily, who was so far away and much safer to dwell on than the young woman in the room. How had Lily come back to him? How had she saved him? He had looked for answers in his travels without avail. The day he had told Miss Granger that detentions would be postponed he'd found some books in the Restricted Section, but, as yet, he'd had no time to look at them. While the students were testing for O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s, he'd been frantically catching up with grading. Tomorrow, he would research in earnest.

He could ask Binns, who was, after all, a ghost. But Binns would go on and on about the history of ghosts. Surely the books would have more concise information. His head told him it was impossible; ghosts couldn't suddenly become real people. But his heart leapt at the thought that Lily might have cared enough to come back to him. The rest of the visit he ignored everyone in the room as his thought drifted back to Lily with a wish that she would be able to return to him again—soon.


	16. Chapter 16: So Complicated

**Chapter 16 "So Complicated"**

_"It's such a contradiction… It's so confusing... It's so complicated, so frustrating."_ -- Carloyn Dawn Johnson

A few days later, Hermione had walled herself off behind a fortress of stacked books in the library. Most students were in class, so the library was blissfully free of whispering students and the slamming of books. In front of her were volumes on various goblin rebellions and centaur history. To her left was a small stack of tomes on rare curses, topped by a Dark Arts book from the Restricted Section, and on her right was a pile of charms books a foot high. However, her attention was absorbed by a thin, yellowed text entitled _Transfiguration and Solidification of Souls_. According to the author, ghosts were souls that did not pass on and remained on earth, but even those who did pass on could be recalled back to this world in certain extreme circumstances.

_The most famous example of this recalling of souls is proved in the legend of the Deathly Hallows. It had been proposed that once the souls have been called by the ring, they may choose to stay for a short time in the earthly realm. Research by Professor Katrina von Hoffman indicated that this time period may be as long as a day… _

Only a year ago, Hermione would have scoffed at any research that relied on a legend or myth for validity. Now she knew better thanks to Dumbledore, not to mention her personal experience of Lily in her body. The theory fit. Harry had told her about using the ring and seeing his parents before meeting Voldemort in the Forbidden Forest. According to the book, Lily Potter could have chosen to remain, perhaps to see the outcome of the battle. Hermione wished the book were more academic. There were no concrete references to von Hoffman's research. It could take days to find the right book in Hogwarts' library. Hermione skimmed ahead through several chapters until she reached the section on Solidification.

_Debates still rage on the plausibility of a soul transforming into a solid form. Von Hoffman believes the call to return to the afterlife is so strong that it creates stress on a soul that returns to earth in any form, which is why such souls cannot remain for longer than a day at a time. However, Professor Ra theorizes that a strong, complete soul could inhabit a human body for a short period of time, for minutes or perhaps even hours. He cites his Arithmantic equation in his book, which is beyond the comprehension of this humble author. Another authority, Professor Kim, uses Transfiguration to support his counter-argument…_

Hermione took a few more notes before closing the book. Tomorrow she would search for Ra, Kim, and von Hoffman's works, but she'd wasted too much time today on her curiosity. She needed to be concentrating on Ron and Harry, not pondering what had made her kiss Professor Snape. She forced the image of the kiss to the far recesses of her mind as she opened _Charms to Calm Your Spouse_.

It didn't sound promising. On the other hand, on her way out of St. Mungo's last time, a couple had come in with the witch walking like a zombie. "She was hysterical. I was just trying to calm her down," the blubbering husband explained to the receptionist. "Here's the book, _Charms to Calm Your Spouse_. I thought it would make her see reason or at least stop hexing me. What a load of rubbish! "

Hermione hoped that if one spell could cause such relaxation in a person maybe another one in the book would cause some form of paralysis. If she could find the charm that was used on the boys, she would be able to find or invent a counter-charm. Snape should be helpful for that, she thought, remembering all those curses he'd invented while still a student. But after an hour of skimming the entire book, Hermione had found nothing of value. Giving up, she turned to the next book in the stack as she rubbed her tired eyes.

_Hermione was in her hometown library, collecting books the Order desperately needed. She slipped her bookmark into one of the covers in her pile as she waited for her turn to reach the lending desk. Her palms began to sweat. It was risky to make this trip, but everyone at Headquarters knew where she was, and there was the location charm on the bookmark as a safety precaution. These books were important, this mission was important, and she couldn't let them down. Hermione glanced nervously about her as she stepped closer to the lending desk. Just one person in front of her now. Her heart rate increased; she glanced at the clock on the wall. The elderly man stepped away from the counter. The librarian smiled as Hermione handed over her library card. _

_Then, she remembered: there was another book she needed. "Hold on. I forgot something," she said to the librarian. _

_How could she have forgotten one of the most important texts? They had to have this book. Hermione left the books at the desk and ran up the stairs to the second floor. _

_She knew which turns to take to get to the missing book. She knew exactly what she was looking for, where it was. But, as she turned the corner, she halted. There was a Asian Death Eater dressed in Muggle clothes blocking her path. Hermione had never seen him before, but she instinctively __**knew**__ what he was. He would recognize her. What Death Eater wouldn't know Harry Potter's best friend? Her heart pounded in her chest as she leaned against the wall. They were onto her. She had to get out and fast. The book wasn't worth the risk; Remus would agree. She just needed to get back to the desk, get the books, and run to the Apparition point near the exit without being seen. _

_Hermione risked another glance at the strange man guarding what she needed. He looked up and recognized her! She broke into a run. She could hear his footsteps close behind her, gaining on her. Her heart rate tripled. Without another thought, she slid down the curving banister and jumped onto the ground floor. Shit! If they caught her now, Harry and Remus wouldn't know where she was! Why had she put that bookmark in the books and then left them at the counter? Wasn't she smart even to know to keep the charm with her? She ran to the lending desk as she turned her head to see her pursuer. No! Now two of them were chasing her! Fear rushed through her bones at an alarming rate. Thought seemed impossible. She had to get out of here!_

_No time to worry about the library rules or Ministry ones. "Accio books!" Her stack flew towards her. She shrunk them as she continued to run. Her heart felt like it might burst from her chest. She had never been this scared. She could see the Apparition point. They were gaining on her…_

"Miss Granger!" A sharp voice broke into her nightmare. She jumped out of her chair to see Professor Snape looming over her.

She stared up at him in confusion. How had he found her? "Where are the Death Eaters?" she asked, her palms still sweating.

"Miss Granger?" Snape queried back.

"The… the books…" Hermione trailed off as she tried to stand. She was still violently shaking.

"Miss Granger, we are at Hogwarts. I think you dozed off… Are you alright?" He suddenly noticed her whitened face and shaking limbs.

"I… I don't know. It felt so real. I had to get these books, but then a Death Eater saw me. I thought they were going to catch me. I thought…" She sat down again because standing was costing her too much effort.

Snape awkwardly patted her shoulder. "Why don't you go rest? I'll clean up here."

She nodded mutely. Then, she looked up at him and saw concern in his eyes. "I'll go lie down. You could come get me later if…"

"That's quite alright, Miss Granger. We'll go to St. Mungo's another evening." Hermione nodded again and left.

Why had the dream seemed so real? It didn't make any sense. In the dream, she was returning to Number Twelve, but not just to Ron, Harry, and Kreacher. She had known the entire Order would be awaiting her. It didn't fit with anything in the past. And Remus was dead now. _When did I begin to call him Remus?_ So it couldn't be about the future either. Well, nightmares were just dreams. Why did it have to mean anything? She was just scared about finding a cure for Ron and Harry. That was all. What she needed was a nice long bath.

She pushed open the door that led to her chambers. There was no portrait requiring a password to enter for guest quarters. Scared from her nightmare, she decided to set up special wards. George had told her about some that Fred had designed during the war. Only people who meant her no harm could enter under those charms. Anyone intending harm, like a Death Eater, would not be able to break through immediately, and an alarm would go off alerting her to danger. The wards would hold for half an hour—enough time for an escape. Hermione had written down the incantation during the graduation luncheon; even her mild hangover had not dampened her desire to learn more. Setting the wards took time, but eventually she was satisfied with the results. George and Fred were geniuses! At least Fred was…

Hermione fought the tears as she headed to her personal bathroom off of the bedroom. Sinking into rose scented water once the tub was full, she felt the hot water relieving the tension in her shoulders and neck. Then her stomach grumbled. She must have studied most of the day away. She had nipped down to the kitchens for a sandwich as a break earlier, but she had missed dinner in the Great Hall—again. Not that she was sorry. She wasn't ready to sit with the professors instead of her friends at the Gryffindor table.

Dobby could... No. Dobby couldn't; she sighed deeply. When would she stop expecting the dead to be alive? "Winky?" The house-elf appeared immediately.

"Could you please bring me some supper? And tea? Just put it in my study. Thank you." The house-elf nodded and disappeared with a snap.

At least Winky had improved. Apparently, Kreacher had taken the time to convince her that… Damn! Had anyone told Kreacher about Harry's accident?! She shot out of the tub, grabbed her towel, and ran to the study. And she called herself the founder of S.P.E.W.!! Why hadn't she worried about this before? Hermione quickly penned a note to Kreacher and threw on some clothes. She'd go to the Owlery immediately. Supper could wait.

Still, chiding herself for her oversight as she returned to her rooms, Hermione ran into something solid: Professor Snape. "My apologies, sir."

Anger radiated from him. "Might I have a word, Miss Granger?"

Confused, she said, "Of course." She led the way to her chambers and allowed him to enter first.

"I see you were resting as you'd promised." He sneered.

"Well," Hermione stammered, "I meant to but then—"

He cut her off. "What I am interested in is your research, not how you spend your idle time."

Her stomach chose that moment to rumble loudly. "I haven't eaten yet," she said as she pointed to the meal on the coffee table. "Would you like some?"

Snape huffed as he sat at her desk. "Not above using the house-elves then, are you?" Hermione blushed and opened her mouth to reply, but he continued on. "Miss Granger, would you like to explain to me why you wasted a whole day researching ghosts instead of the work the Ministry has provided for you? Or even accomplishing some of the research for your novel? Are you so bored in your brilliance that you decided to find yet another project for yourself?"

"It is _not_ a novel!" Hermione cried. "It's an important piece of non-fiction. I spent plenty of time looking for cures. I wrote six feet of parchment on what the paralysis definitely is not, which you'd know if you'd looked at my notes. It's a step in the right direction."

"Your sources are clearly of the highest quality." Snape sneered as he pointed to the _Charms to Calm Your Spouse_ reference.

"If you aren't happy with my work, you can do it yourself! A fairy tale helped us defeat Voldemort, so if I were you, I'd think carefully before dismissing any information."

Hermione suddenly realized what he had in his hands. All her notes on her experience with Lily. That's what he'd been blabbering about. All blood drained from her face. She hadn't written anything incriminating like, "Yes, that's what I felt when Lily Potter invaded my body," but that was a small comfort. However snappy and arrogant and irritating Snape was, the one thing he was not was stupid. If he had read her notes, he would figure everything all out soon enough. It might be easier to make a clean breast of it now, but she was too exhausted to go into the whole epic. If she was lucky, he wouldn't put the pieces together till tomorrow. "Professor, can I have my notes back?"

Snape stood stock still without blinking. Finally, he grinned evilly. "I think not, Miss Granger. You need a full night of sleep without distractions. I know you'd try to continue researching all evening if I return these. You can pick them up from my office early tomorrow morning. My first class is at nine." He walked towards the door and turned towards her with a "Pleasant dreams" before leaving her alone.

_Damn him!_ Hermione collapsed against the back of her couch. She forced herself to eat the meat pie Winky had brought her. The tea was cold, but she didn't bother with a Warming charm. What would Snape do to her when he figured it out? Would he be grateful she saved his life? Did he remember Lily? Did he even remember the kiss?

She did. Sometimes when she had kissed Ron over the summer, she had thought something felt different, almost wrong. Then, she would remember that she was thinking of a kiss from someone else, from Snape. But that hadn't really been her kiss. It had been his and Lily's. She had no business dwelling on it; at most, she had been a bystander to the episode and definitely an unwilling one. She'd hardly invited Mrs. Potter to use her body for a while to say good-bye to an old friend.

Hermione threw off her clothes and pulled her pajamas out from underneath her pillow. Well, tomorrow she'd deal with his anger. Her emotions were cooling down as she faced the inevitable. Hermione yawned as her exhaustion hit her full force. She wrapped herself in her bathrobe and immediately felt the hands soothing her stress away. As she lay down, it felt as if someone was holding her, and she let her worries about Snape drift away. Tomorrow might be hell, but tonight, she would have some peace.

* * *

_Author's Notes: As always thanks to my betas, LC and Shuldham. Thanks for reading and reviewing!_


	17. Chapter 17:Suddenly I See

**Chapter 17 "Suddenly I See"**

_"Suddenly I see why the hell it means so much to me."_ -- KT Tunstall

As he sat at his desk, Severus reviewed Hermione's notes once again. Her research complemented what he had already found. Lily could have inhabited a body and come back to him. Severus poured himself a shot of Firewhiskey. The body had been Hermione's. It had to have been. There was no other reason for her to be looking up the return of ghosts or spirits. _Shit._ _Bugger. Shit._

He forgot the Firewhiskey at his elbow as he pondered the implications of the notes. His own research on the topic indicated that the body being inhabited had little or no control over its actions. Hermione had denied using the potion they had created to save him. Was it because Lily had forced her into it? Severus had been living with nightmares of being bitten by Nagini too long to believe it hadn't happened. The potion was supposed to completely heal the wound; he had been a fool to believe her. Of course, she had used the potion. The question was whether Hermione had intended to save him or not.

Severus didn't remember nodding off, but a loud knock on his office door caused his head to jerk up from the desktop. He quickly glanced around, taking in his surroundings. Early morning. His office. His unfinished drink stared back at him. He swiftly hid the bottle behind his desk. With his luck, it would be the Headmistress at the door. The last thing he needed was for her to think his haggard expression was the result of overindulgence.

But Minerva McGonagall would have been a welcome surprise compared to the Gryffindor that looked up at him as he swung the wooden door open. Hermione, refreshed from a pleasant sleep, was tapping her foot expectantly.

"I believe you were going to give me my notes, Professor."

"Come in, Miss Granger," Snape spat as he waved her inside. When he saw her headed towards the desk, he stopped her. "Have a seat."

"No, thank you." Hermione stood firm.

"I said sit!" Snape bellowed. Just seeing her made him livid. She had lied to him about the potion, about how he had been saved!

"I'm not one of your students," she countered calmly.

"I asked nicely once. I won't do it again," Snape warned. "Don't play games with me. You can sit and make this civilized or stand with me towering above you. Either way you have three choices: you can tell me what you did of your own free will, I will find out with Legilimency, or you'll happily confess with a drop of Veritaserum. It's up to you, my dear." He stood inches from her, forcing her to bend her head back to maintain eye contact.

"Why would you trust anything I freely tell you?" Hermione countered. Her eyes declared that she had no doubts what was under discussion.

"Because I have a good idea of exactly what happened."

She held his gaze a bit longer before moving into the seat across from his desk. Snape smirked and swept his robes beneath him as he sat at his desk. He gazed at her expectantly. The seconds ticked by. Clearly Miss Granger was not going to simply narrate the events for him. Severus let out a long sigh.

"Miss Granger, from your notes, it is clear that you believe a ghost or spirit can possess a person as a host for a period of time. Would you care to explain to me what triggered this study?"

Hermione sat very still. Another minute passed in silence. Severus goaded her, "I happen to have some Veritaserum with me." He pulled a dark jar from his desk drawer. "And there is some Firewhiskey here as well. How convenient."

Hermione scoffed. "Alcohol diminishes the effects of Veritaserum. Hardly helpful in this situation, sir."

Severus withheld a groan. He had forgotten that the student—the woman in front of him would know all about Veritaserum. No more bluffing. "Does that mean you would care for tea instead? If not, I suggest you answer my questions."

"And what makes you think I'd drink it?" Hermione asked, her cheeks flushing in frustration. "I don't owe you an explanation. You read my personal notes without my permission!"

"You were so frightened when I met you in the library you could barely see straight!" Severus ranted. "I was only trying to help you by bringing your notes to you! If they were so personal, then you shouldn't have mixed them in with your notes on Potter and Weasley! Where is your common sense, Hermione?"

"It must have flown out the window when I agreed to work with _you_, Severus!" Hermione stood up in a huff and walked around the desk. "You are ridiculous! Acting like you are so put upon, like all I ever do is cause trouble for you! You want the truth? Fine. I saved your life. I was with Harry in the Shrieking Shack. I gave you the potion we had worked on. It was part of my emergency kit; I always had it on me. And I thought you deserved to have it. You helped me create it! I didn't want to tell you; after everything you'd done, I didn't think you owed me anything. I don't know why I bothered. You're a selfish, arrogant bastard, Severus Snape!"

Hermione whirled away from him and strode towards the door. Severus barely had sufficient reflexes left after the shock of her outburst to ward the door closed. "Not so fast, Miss Granger! What do you mean: you saved me? Where did Lily fit into all of this? Or was it just a memory you implanted in my head to drive me crazy?"

Hermione mocked him as she walked towards him. "Yes, I didn't have enough going on with worrying about my parents and Ron and Harry and fighting Voldemort. I decided in a split second not only to save your hide but then to cause you to go insane thinking your lost love had saved you. A love I didn't even know you had! How did your warped mind come up with that? It'd have been easier just to let you die."

"Being a spy for twenty years makes everything you term 'warped' seem normal. What sane person would pretend to love an eleven-year-old boy, all the while planning to allow him to die in order to defeat the enemy?" His face was inches from hers.

"Pretend? Dumbledore loved Harry!" Hermione pushed him away from her.

"If that's love!" Snape sneered, disgusted. "I loved Lily. When she chose James, I stepped out of the picture. It hurt like hell." Calming down, he whispered, "And then… when I found out… I did everything I could to save her. Then, I saved her son year after year. He was all that was left of her." Snape glared. "I did everything I could for that brat!"

"Harry appreciates it. You should have seen him after he saw the… memories." Hermione rested her hand tentatively on his arm. "He'd had no idea. He finally understood then. And he was sorry. He was planning to tell you…"

Severus shook his head. "He did in his clumsy way at one of those blasted Ministry functions this summer. And when you three were in hiding, I would wonder if he could do what needed to be done. He had the harder lot. He was young and clearly in love with Miss Weasley. He had his whole life ahead of him and he was going to have to sacrifice it for the greater good. Could I have done that? Perhaps, but unlike Potter, I had nothing to loose."

Severus looked down at the tears in Hermione's eyes. Immediately, he regretted his harsh words earlier. From the expression on her face, so did she. He pulled her into an embrace. "Shh. I'm sorry. It's alright. We'll figure it out. We'll save them."

"I'm sorry too," she whispered against his chest.

He felt her relax in his arms. Severus tried not to think about the smell of her shampoo wafting under his nose or about how nice she felt against him. He began to gently rub her back up and down with one hand. Then, he felt her stiffen.

"You!" she whispered. "The robe… the hands… they're yours! Let me go!"

As she ran to the door, Snape lowered the wards. The clock chimed. Time for his first class. It was going to be a miserable day.

* * *

_Author's Notes: Thanks for reading! Yes, it's going to be a miserable morning for his students!_


	18. Chapter 18: Harder to Breathe

** Chapter 18 "Harder to Breathe"**

_"It's getting harder and harder to breathe." _-- Maroon 5

Hermione ran from Snape's office, through the DADA classroom, and up the moving staircases until she reached her rooms. Out of habit she ran straight for the bathrobe, her source of comfort, but seeing it immediately reminded her why she was upset. Tears began to stream down her face. _Damn him. He hadn't planned this, had he?_ He couldn't have any idea how much she had come to rely on his gift.

Those first nights she used the robe, Hermione had dreamed Ron was holding her. Sadly, she hadn't known what it felt like firsthand. They had fallen asleep holding hands during the war, but it had seemed unfair to cuddle together with poor Harry sitting guard nearly all alone nearby. Then she'd been home with her family or his. Mrs. Weasley was wonderful and so were her parents, but there was no way she and Ron would be allowed to fall asleep in the same bed, even after defeating Voldemort. Hermione had had no idea who would have been more furious: her mum or his. But she had tried to respect their rules and refused to let Ron sneak into her bedroom. Snuggling with her new bathrobe was like a dream in itself.

However, for the last month, the image of Ron had disappeared, and she had been held by a faceless comforter. She hadn't worried about who it was; she had just reveled in the peace and safety she'd felt.

The offending bathrobe in hand, Hermione walked back into the study. She threw the robe on one end of the sofa and sat on the other. Hermione glared at the fabric as if it were Severus Snape himself, and, in a way, it was. How could she use it again knowing that it would be his arms holding her?

Frustrated, she threw the sofa pillows at the robe, but when she remained angry, she starting hitting the robe. How was she supposed to sleep now? What had he been thinking? What had he said? "The safer alternative." Like hell it was! It wouldn't have been easy to tell Ron about some fling with Neville (an event she still couldn't imagine), but what the hell was she supposed to tell Ron now?

"Ron, while you were sleeping, I practically slept in Professor Snape's arms every night at Hogwarts because of this enchanted robe he gave me. Well, no. I haven't technically kissed him, just the once when Harry's mum took over my body."

Hermione groaned. Nothing she had done previously—not the cat hair in the Polyjuice Potion, not the mooning over Lockhart—could compare to this fiasco.

Well, maybe if she had actually slept with Snape—yes, that would be worse. Not that she would have. He was too irritating. Look at the way he had demanded the truth! Hermione clenched her teeth stiffened. She probably should have explained herself in the first place, and she never should have left the notes lying around, but it wasn't like he had ever shown the least interest in what had happened that night. Hermione let out a scream of frustration. She had made sure he wouldn't be able to connect her with his recovery and now she was upset that he hadn't asked her about what had happened that night?

She took a deep breath. She was not going to be like one of those women in romantic stories who had ridiculous expectations of men. She couldn't expect him to be a mind reader. She'd just have to go explain… Wait! Had she just compared Snape to a hero in a _romance_? That was ludicrous!

Hermione stiffened. Snape had taken her seriously about her work for equality of all magical creatures. He'd provided her with books over the summer without an ulterior motive. Then, he had been gentle when he found out about the accident, even though it involved two of his least favorite ex-pupils. He'd even taken her to see Harry and Ron during a detention! Nothing could be more un-Snape-like. He'd escorted her often to St. Mungo's and had agreed to help find a way to bring the boys back. He had comforted her when she broke down. He had made her laugh, and his hands gave the best backrubs…

She bent her head and cried into the bathrobe. Was she falling for a former teacher? Was this 'normal life'? How could life be this crazy? Did Fate just hate her? You couldn't just wake up one morning and suddenly be interested in someone you'd never noticed before. Not that she hadn't noticed Professor Snape, it's just that he was her—enough! He was playing with her mind. Maybe he had known all along it was her in the Shrieking Shack and was punishing her. Maybe this was a nightmare like the one in the library. Her thoughts became more and more jumbled as her tears flowed freely.

Finally, too exhausted to try and reason about anything, she stood up and walked to the loo. One glance in the mirror brought her puffy eyes and red nose into focus. She sighed as she waved a cleaning spell. There, that was better. Hermione went back to her study just in time to see Professor Snape come sailing through her wards. She opened her mouth but couldn't think of anything to say.

Snape held up his hand. "I only have a half hour before my next class. So give me the privilege of speaking without interruption." Hermione registered his words and nodded. "You weren't supposed to find out about the bathrobe. The spell doesn't have to use the caster's hands, but I could hardly ask the Headmistress for help, given the circumstances." Hermione had to smile at that.

"I doubted that you would remember my… holding you from before. I had no reason to suppose that you would ever find yourself… in that situation again. Otherwise, I never would have… Miss Granger, I'm not trying to take advantage of you. If that was my design, you'd already be in my bed. You're no longer a student."

Suddenly unafraid, Hermione stepped towards him until there was only a foot separating them. "What makes you so sure I'd be willing?"

Snape shrugged as if her opinion didn't matter. Hermione's anger rose up. "I'm not one of your tarts from this summer! I haven't—that is, I won't go shagging people just to relieve some stupid hormones!"

"I didn't think you would." He stepped away from her just a fraction. "Now, why don't you tell me what really happened the day you—or was it Lily?—saved my life."

"It really was me. I used the potion, performed _Numerus Tutela_, and went to fight. After the battle, I got you into a spare bed at Hogwarts, and then… I don't know how much you remember?" She looked up hopefully, willing him to say that he remembered nothing of that night.

Snape used one finger to trace the outline of her jaw. "I remember everything," he whispered. She shivered but whether from his touch or his voice or his meaning she didn't know.

"I…" She struggled for words, for a way to explain so he wouldn't think she had… "I didn't mean to… that is… I can't explain it, but Lily was suddenly there: inside of me. I could hear words coming from my mouth, but it didn't sound like me. I couldn't control my body, and it didn't even look like mine. I could see her hair over my shoulders. Then, suddenly she was gone, and the boys arrived."

"What did you tell them?" Snape asked curiously.

"That I'd saved you. I explained about that, but not about… I didn't understand it. I had never heard of anything like it. I wanted to forget it." Hermione turned her head away, embarrassed.

Snape raised her chin so she was forced to meet his dark eyes. "You have nothing to be ashamed of. You saved a man's life, a man you couldn't be sure was even on your side. Very Gryffindor, but not stupid. If Lily chose to make her peace with me, well, you were just a witness."

Hermione realized he was right. "Yes, sir."

Snape chuckled. "I think, given everything that has happened since July and as you aren't a student anymore, we should forgo the formalities. What do you say, Hermione?"

She looked up at him shyly. "Alright… Severus."

He looked pleased. "I have to run. Can't have the second year Hufflepuffs unsupervised in a Dark Arts classroom. Heaven knows what they'll get into." He brushed something out of her hair. "May I come back later to discuss the project?"

Hermione couldn't breathe correctly. Her heart was racing. What was wrong with her? She simply nodded. He headed towards the door and then turned back. "I suppose I should take the robe back?"

All at once, Hermione couldn't part with it. "NO! I mean, no. That's okay. I'll see you at dinner?"

He nodded and left. Hermione shook her head. Why hadn't she let him take it? How could she sleep with it, knowing it was practically Professor Snape—Severus holding her? What would she say to Ron? Well, she reasoned, she could keep it without using it. It would be nice just to know that she had it—just in case. But she knew she was lying to herself. It wouldn't last five minutes in the wardrobe come nightfall.

* * *

_Author's Notes: Still wishing I had Hermione's robe. Sigh. Thanks for reading. Special thanks to Shuldham and LC for their amazing beta skills that should be lauded throughout the lands!_


	19. Chapter 19: Dreams

**Chapter 19 "Dreams"**

_"Changing everyday, in every possible way. Oh my dreams. It's never quite as it seems."_ -- The Cranberries

Severus got through the rest of the day by ignoring his previous conversations with Hermione. But as the clock in his office chimed five, he recognized that supper would come soon and with it another confrontation. She had saved his life of her own volition. But Lily had come back. Lily had cared. Lily had kissed him. Or had Hermione?

He owed Hermione a life debt, but that wasn't why she was in his thoughts. Was Lily the cause for the connection he felt for Hermione? Had his subconscious put the pieces together earlier? Yes, that must be it. Surely his subconscious had recalled her administering the potion and saving his life. She had haunted his thoughts for that reason, not because she was at all attractive. He'd gotten Hermione and Lily confused; that's why he'd thought he liked Hermione.

Assuring himself that his attention to Hermione was only what it should be, Severus left his stack of parchment essays and headed down to the Great Hall. After a meal where Flitwick drone on about a new Charm theory while Hermione chatted with the Headmistress, Severus met her on the way back to the staff quarters.

Hoping to avoid any remarks on the earlier events of the day, Severus asked, "What will you do after we save the Dynamic Duo?" Hermione looked confused for a second, and he sighed in exasperation and reverted to habit as he said, "Really, Miss Granger, I did grow up in the Muggle world! I read comics."

Hermione giggled. "It all fits so perfectly though! The Bat Cave, the cape, the inventions, catching the bad guys! Or in your case, the dungeon, the billowing robes, the potions, the spying! Why didn't I see it before?"

Snape warred with himself before releasing a chuckle. "Probably because I never thought of it that way either. But you're right. I did enjoy Batman comics as a boy. It seemed he could do anything; he always saved the day."

Hermione stopped in front of her room. "Batman would make a happier nickname than greasy git at any rate… There's more to you than anyone would think."

"I'd hope so," Severus joked back, "or I'd have been dead long ago. The one thing a spy can't do is convince anyone he's spy material."

"Or she," Hermione corrected, as they passed through the wards to her study. Severus nodded.

All seemed forgiven and forgotten from the argument that morning, Snape thought with a sigh of relief. They set about looking through Dark texts and Charm texts, having previously ruled out a potion as the cause. "The Healers tested the Draught of Living Death weeks ago," he had assured her.

When the clock struck midnight, Hermione yawned. Her head began to drift down towards the books on her desk. Snape cleared his throat. "Perhaps you'd be more comfortable on the couch?" he suggested. Agreeing absently, Hermione took _Un-charming Charms_ with her to the leather sofa and patted the place beside her. Severus slowly walked over and sat as far from her as possible. Distance was key.

"Hermione," Severus began, "why were you running around when I brought back your notes last night?"

Hermione scrutinized the pages of her book, her face reddening. "I… I realized I hadn't told Kreacher about the accident. Some founder of S.P.E.W. I am," she whispered.

Severus chuckled. "Did you really think that Molly and Arthur wouldn't have told him?"

"I just hadn't thought of him… at all. And so when I did… I had to write him immediately," Hermione said.

"I see. Well, I can assure you that the house-elf was informed almost as soon as the accident happened. House-elves possess magic that witches and wizards do not though wizards often forget that. There had been hope that Kreacher could discover what was wrong or even cured them."

Hermione stared at him, "How do you know that?"

"I read the files. Haven't you?" Her blush answered his question. "I'll ask Shacklebolt to send copies for you to study at your leisure." She nodded and tried to refocus on her note-taking. Severus returned to his book.

As she closed her eyes again some minutes later, he asked, "Hermione, what was that dream you had in the library?"

Muttering, she told him of the book and the Death Eaters and her fear. He was amazed at the strong feelings her fear produced in him. He never wanted her to feel like that again. He wanted to keep her safe. "If you dare to repeat this to anyone alive, I will deny it. But, have you thought that perhaps your dream might be telling you something?"

Hermione scoffed. "Don't tell me you believe in Divination."

"I don't have to believe," Severus assured her. "Its existence lead to my salvation eighteen years ago. And you were, I believe, the one who said we should consider all sources?"

"I suppose I could take a trip home to check it out. Return to the library and see if I recognize the book or something that might help," Hermione began. "I doubt there are any Death Eaters left though."

"Good. Then there is nothing to fear. I finished testifying at the last trial for Death Eaters last Saturday. Perhaps we could go together this weekend? I would feel safer if you were accompanied."

Hermione nodded eagerly. "That would be excellent! Maybe we could pop in on my parents? My mother would love to meet a real spy."

"I won't be suave and debonair like 007," he warned.

"Oh, she saw you at the celebrations over the summer," Hermione said. "She knows what to expect."

"Then I hardly see what the point is."

"Oh, really, Severus! You are so difficult!" He noted the way her cheeks flushed in anger. She was quite pretty when nettled. He must remember that. He made no reply to her accusation. She was right; he was difficult. He returned to his research.

* * *

Some time later, Severus looked up to see a sleeping Hermione next to him. Chuckling quietly, he gently took the book out of her arms and left it on the couch. He was surprised when she nestled her head into his shoulder and sighed contently after he scooped her up in his arms. He slowly made his way to her bedroom and tenderly placed her on the bed. He tried to extract his arms out from under her, but she grabbed them back and moaned disapprovingly. Severus paused before awkwardly sliding her over so there was enough room for both of them on the feather bed. He settled in next to her, silently spelling their shoes away. He pulled the blanket at the foot of the bed over them. She was still frightened—perhaps from the nightmare. He would just hold her for a few minutes, until she was soundly asleep.

* * *

Severus dreamed that he woke up, spooning a lovely woman. It was such a lovely dream. She was nice and warm. But it was high time he really woke up. As Severus opened his eyes, he was shocked to see Hermione Granger in his arms. He had stayed the night! _Bugger._ She looked so peaceful lying there, so innocent. So young! What was he thinking? He quietly extracted himself from her and entered the study. Grabbing his wand, he did a quick Cleansing spell, followed by a De-wrinkling one. He went in the bathroom and came out feeling better.

Hoping to avoid any other staff members, he slipped into the hall only to be seen by the Headmistress. _Shit. Bugger._ He bowed to his boss. If he acted as if nothing had happened, then clearly nothing had. And what had happened? Nothing, just a night of holding heaven in his arms; the thought came unbidden before Snape repressed it. Heaven? Hermione? What was going on in his twisted mind?

"Morning, Headmistress," Severus said softly.

"Ah, yes," Minerva returned gaily. "Good morning to you!"

Snape was puzzled by her response. Where was her shock and anger? She had seen him leaving Hermione's rooms. What on earth was going on?

"Do stop glaring, Severus," McGonagall continued. "She's not a student anymore, and none of the other professors are ever up at seven."

Snape was flabbergasted. She thought …? That …? "I assure you, Headmistress, I was merely up all night researching with Miss Granger."

"Well, of course, you were," McGonagall agreed. "Seeing the two of you together in the library constantly would cause too much suspicion. What else would you have been doing?" Then her eyebrows drew together as she began to have another notion altogether. "I trust, Severus, that you have not forgotten the purpose of this project? Hermione Granger is in love with Ronald Weasley. They'll be married one day, mark my words!"

"Of course, Headmistress." Snape felt as he had when he had been forced to agree with Voldemort. A lump formed in his throat, and he instinctively blocked all his thoughts until he remembered that Minerva couldn't read them. What would make Hermione marry Mr. Weasley? She was smarter than that. "Perhaps you'd care to know that our research takes us away from Hogwarts on Saturday. We'll return before nightfall, I assure you. I agreed to accompany Miss Granger; I felt you wouldn't wish her to wander alone after what befell the other two thirds of the Trio."

His words seemed to reassure Minerva. "Quite right, Severus. It's a perfect cover since you have been absent so many Saturdays already. Though Kingsley assures me that the Death Eater trials are over?"

"Yes, the Wizengamot are taking a week off before beginning on Ministry inquiries. I can't help much with those anyhow."

"Excellent. Best of luck with the research." Minerva smiled and continued on her way to her office, leaving Severus with disturbingly pleasant memories of holding Hermione in his arms.


	20. Chapter 20: Meaningless Kiss

**Chapter 20 "Meaningless Kiss" **

_"Just a meaningless kiss. It wasn't supposed to end up like this. -- Music & Lyrics_

Hermione woke surprised. She'd slept without her robe but had dreamed of being cuddled and loved. Odd, she didn't remember getting into bed. She must have been more exhausted than she'd thought. Briefly, she wondered if Severus had… no, that was ridiculous. It was far too personal a gesture, surely!

Hermione quickly dressed and headed for the library. She should write her parents and let them know about her visit this Saturday. Shoveling food in her mouth at the head table, Hermione reasoned that she could write one chapter of her book before lunch and spend the afternoon researching more texts she'd already located on her "Magical Beings research." However she amended her plans for the day when a black owl dumped a large package next to her tea. Untying the twine, she discovered copies of Ron and Harry's medical records. _When did Severus have time to owl the Minister? _Hermione decided to browse the files immediately.

"More material for your research, dear?" Professor Sprout inquired, kindly.

"Oh, yes," Hermione replied. "It never seems to end."

It was just before dinner when Hermione finally finished examining the medical records. She had a long list of attempted remedies with which she was unfamiliar. Of course, she had heard some of them mentioned, but she didn't know enough to write essays on them. If she wanted to save Ron and Harry, Hermione had to understand what each remedy did and why the Healers would have been thought it worth testing. No one could say that St. Mungo's was incompetent. They had already tried most of the potions and charms that she'd thought would be helpful—which brought poor Hermione back to square one. She carefully transfigured the files to look like _Hogwarts, a History _and then charmed them to stick to her table in the library. They were too valuable for anyone else to see.

Hermione was almost late to dinner and had last pick of the chairs at the high table. She had hoped to sit next to Hagrid and hear about his classes, but it appeared she was doomed to listen to the droning of Professor Trelawney. Groaning, Hermione made her way to the last empty seat, next to the Divination professor.

"Ah, my dear," Professor Trelawney began, "I can see that you have received bad news." Hermione forced herself not to roll her eyes. She must set an example for any of the students who might be glancing up at the head table.

"You might say that." Hermione had no desire to snub the Divination professor, but she also hoped to eat her meal in peace.

"Ah, yes. We try and pretend that since You-Know-Who has been vanquished life is easy, but it is not so," Trelawney continued. "I can see that your path is still a treacherous one, and if you are not careful, my dear, you will find yourself in a terrible predicament." Trelawney noticed the glare Hermione shot her. "Of course, you never did appreciate the finer arts of wizardry, did you?"

When Trelawney proceeded to ignore her, Hermione said a prayer of thanks for the silence that dominated the rest of her meal. As soon as she was able, she quickly scurried off to her room. Though they had not previously discussed it, Hermione knew that Severus would return to her study to continue their research. Half an hour later, he came in carrying a large stack of papers.

"Third year essays," he said, by way of an explanation. She nodded and opened a book as he scribbled comments on his students' work. When he finished an hour later, he picked up her notes.

"What's all this?"

"Oh, some terms I wanted to research. I'm not sure why some of these methods were tried and what the side effects might be of others. I wanted to make sure that there were no residual effects on Ron and Harry from any of the attempted treatments," Hermione explained.

"That will take you days to compile," Severus warned.

"Well, I want to be thorough."

"Wouldn't you rather be through?" he asked and took the list from her hand. After examining over it, he handed it back to her and proceeded to discuss each potion ingredient and charm at length while Hermione took notes furiously. When she began yawning at midnight, Severus rose abruptly.

"I'll come back tomorrow. Sleep well." He left before she realized he was going.

_Odd._ Hermione shrugged as she climbed into the shower. It had been a productive evening; they had gone through about a fourth of the list. They could be done before the trip on Saturday. It still felt strange to follow a lead from a dream, but Severus was right. They had nothing to go on. Anything was better than just searching tomes at random. And as long as Professor Trelawney never found out, Hermione would be quite content. Of course, what were the chances that the dream would lead to anything?

* * *

Late Friday night, Hermione put the final markings on the sixth year essays. She had been helping Severus mark papers since the second night of his lectures on the treatment terms. Grading was much more of a challenge than she'd ever imagined. She only finished one paper for every four of his, but it still meant one less essay to complete before he could help her with the research.

Hermione was really beginning to enjoy their evenings together. He'd even grudgingly given her a backrub last night when she'd complained of her shoulders cramping up. She had decided then and there that the bathrobe only mimicked his hands. A real backrub from him made the ones from the bathrobe seem like a mirage. It had been amazing and so relaxing. She had longed for him to touch… Hermione jerked her head up from the parchments. She couldn't go thinking such things! He was her professor – well not technically – but he had been for seven years, and after Lockhart, she'd sworn off all teacher crushes.

"Finished?" Severus interrupted her thoughts.

"Yes," Hermione said with a breath of relief that had little to do with the essays. She handed over the stack of papers.

"Best get started on your remedies then. It's already ten o'clock." Hermione got her notebook without replying. For the next two hours, she wrote diligently.

When he paused, she asked, "And then?"

"That's all, Hermione. We're done for now." He closed his eyes and rubbed his hand over his forehead.

Screwing up her courage, she said, "You look tired."

"It's been a long week." He opened his eyes to see her dejected face. "Of course, you've been quite a help with these damn essays. Minerva will have my head. Now that you know how hard grading is I'm sure you'll avoid being a professor altogether. She was so looking forward to having you on staff in a few years. She'll blame me entirely."

"Would it make you feel better to know that I didn't plan on teaching even before I started grading?" Hermione asked, leaning against her side of the leather couch.

"Maybe," he mumbled. "What do you plan to do? You never answered my question the other day."

"Oh!" Hermione exclaimed. "I thought that I'd take a shot at working for the Ministry now that we have a decent Minister of Magic. The Magical Creature Department might be a good way to help house-elves. The book is just a way to raise awareness, I want to do more."

"Naturally." Hermione couldn't tell if she heard any derision in his voice. A few weeks ago, it would have been oozing out.

"I suppose you find this hard to believe, but, well, I never did have much of a life plan, not even a Five-Year-Plan. Everything just seemed too unsettled to bother. Then, there is so much that I'm interested in. I think I've thought about doing everything at some time or another, but a real plan? I don't have one." Hermione shrugged.

"It's better that way," Snape assured her. "Life is unpredictable. If you had a plan, it would quickly change. Knowing you, I am willing to wager you'd be upset that you hadn't accomplished all of your former goals. Look at me. I certainly didn't expect to regret becoming a Death Eater, but then I never expected to live after the war." He paused and cautiously reached out to stroke her cheek. "But I'm glad that I did."

Hermione could feel her face getting warm. "Me too," she whispered.

Her heart began racing. They stared at each other for a long time. Suddenly, she realized that he was much closer than before. His finger was still drawing patterns on her face. Her heart began pounding in her ears. This was how it was with Ron right before he… all other thoughts were lost as his lips met hers softly, gently, without any pressure. She kissed him back. It was just as nice as she'd remembered.

Then she met his eyes, which mirrored her own emotions: shock and slight horror. At the same time, they whispered, "It wasn't just Lily."

* * *

_Author's Notes: I know, terrible place to leave you hanging. More soon. Much thanks to LC and Shuldham who are such amazing betas!!_


	21. Chapter 21:Linger

**Chapter 21 "Linger" **

_"Do you have to, do you have to let it linger?"_ -- The Cranberries

Severus didn't move. He was waiting for her reaction. Once she started screaming he would know what to do, how to act, but Hermione just continued to stare at him, as if they hadn't spoken. He heard the clock ticking the seconds away. She had tasted sweet, and his treacherous body only wanted more. That would never do. It had been bad enough when he'd discovered she had saved his life, and that Lily had inhabited her body. To learn that Hermione Granger, all by herself, was quite delightful to kiss was too much for his psyche. More seconds ticked by. Clearly, Hermione wasn't going to address the situation.

"Hermione, I—" Severus was cut off when she kissed him again.

She was a bit more aggressive this time. Soon, Severus lost all thought as he pushed her against the sofa. Their kisses kept intensifying. He couldn't remember anything tasting this good, feeling this good. His fingers were tangled in her hair. He couldn't get them out. He wanted to explore her body as her hands were exploring his. Severus growled in frustration. Hermione heard him and moaned, igniting his lust all over again.

Later—Snape had no idea how much later, he just knew it was too soon—he pulled away. He wanted to yank all her clothes off and run his fingers over her bare skin. He wanted to carry her into her bed and drive her as crazy as he was now. He needed release and soon. He caught himself as he fingered the top button of her blouse. He must get his control back.

"Hermione." His voice was hoarse from kissing her. "We have to stop."

She sighed in protest. Then, shaking her head clear, she nodded. "I… I'm sorry, Severus. This is my fault. I shouldn't have… I… you're right. I guess I'm too lonely."

The words cut at Snape's heart. She had only kissed him because she didn't have Weasley. He was just a substitute of course. What had he been thinking? "I see. Well, Miss Granger, I did warn you. I'll meet you in Hogsmeade tomorrow at noon. It wouldn't do to be seen leaving Hogwarts together. Wouldn't want tongues wagging. Goodnight." Snape looked at her coolly as he untangled himself from her. He stood, turned, and headed for the door.

He heard shuffling behind him. "Severus, wait!" Hermione was tugging her shirt back into place. Her cheeks were flushed and her hair was a mess. _Beautiful._ Snape raised his eyebrow in question.

"That wasn't what I meant!" she said breathlessly. "I didn't mean I didn't want to kiss you. Obviously I did. I just meant… oh, bugger!"

"Language, Miss Granger." Severus tutted mockingly.

Her frustration burst forth as she ran over to him and grabbed his arm. "Don't patronize me! I don't understand! You kissed me back! Don't you even like me? I thought…" She stepped away. "I'm so confused. How… how can I like you both?" she whispered.

Finally grasping the situation, Severus pulled her into an embrace. Running his hands comfortingly down her back, he whispered, "It's alright. Shh."

Severus seemed to spend a good bit of his time comforting Hermione these days. He didn't mind at all. She was a lovely armful, she was an excellent kisser, she was marvelous. "Marvelous." The word was out of his lips before he could stop it.

"What's marvelous?" Hermione met his eyes as if expecting them to mock her again.

"You." He shrugged. Might as well say the truth. "I think you're marvelous."

"I do, too." She hugged him tightly. "Think you're marvelous that is."

He led her back to the sofa and pulled her down next to him. Brushing her hair out of her face, he began to explain. "I… I'm surprised. I didn't plan… I never guessed that you…"

"Me neither. I'd been trying to convince myself that if I enjoyed the kiss it was because Lily had. I was shocked about the bathrobe… but I can't seem to forget how it made me… even the other night, I didn't wear it and I felt like I was being held." Snape quickly looked away. "You didn't… did you?" Hermione pushed his hair out of his eyes that had fallen forward as he had looked down to her face.

He nodded. "I hadn't meant to stay, but you'd seemed so… I only meant to be there a few minutes. Luckily, Minerva thought we'd stayed up all night researching. Thought my staying in your room at night was brilliant." He laughed as he closed his eyes remembering.

"So do I." Surprised, he jerked his eyes open. "Please stay with me tonight."

He clasped her hand in his. "Hermione, it's too soon to… that is… it wouldn't be right to … you're…"

She smiled. "No, Severus. Just snuggling. Nothing else… well, maybe more kisses. I do love kissing, and you're quite nice at it. But, you should know… I mean you'd find out if…" She looked away from him and whispered, "I've never… that is, I'm a…"

"Ah," Severus said, and his heart melted. For the first time in his life, he felt like being a gallant knight. "You're safe with me."

She looked back up at him and murmured softly. "I thought so."

He stood. "I'll be gone when you wake. Minerva is usually the only one awake before nine on Saturday, but all I need is Sybil to see me emerging from your chamber, and I'll never hear the end of it." He winked when Hermione wrinkled her nose.

"Supper was rather awful." She stood as well. "Do you want the shower first?"

"I'm a morning person. Or rather, I shower in the mornings precisely because I'm not a morning person."

"See you in a minute," she said nervously as she headed to the loo.

"Yes, you will," he assured her retreating form.

* * *

Hermione, sporting a cinnamon coat and jeans, seemed very anxious when Snape met her outside the Hog's Head the next day. He wasn't sure if it was because of their night together or because they would be seeing her parents after their night together or because of the fear she'd felt during her library nightmare. He surreptitiously squeezed her hand. "Library, first?"

She nodded, gave him the address, and appeared startled when he put his arm about her waist. "Side-Along Apparition, Miss Granger. You seem a bit unsettled. Wouldn't want to have you splinched," he murmured in her ear as he squeezed her tighter. She nodded again. Seconds later, they were facing the Muggle library from an alleyway.

"Are you coming too?" She glanced up at him as she nervously twisted her fingers together.

He smirked. "Would I be decked out as a Muggle otherwise?" He saw her eyes widen as she took in his appearance for the first time. He was wearing a black cashmere turtleneck jumper and a pair of dark blue jeans.

She smiled shyly. "You look quite nice as a Muggle."

"I might say the same for you. I like your hair a bit wild, sometimes." He emphasized the word leaving her no doubt as to what he meant. "But it looks quite nice pulled back as well."

"Thank you." She was now shuffling back and forth on her toes.

He tilted her chin so that she was actually looking at him. "You have no reason to be frightened. I'll be nearby. Shout if you need me, and remember, the Death Eater trials are over. They're all in Azkaban now."

Squaring her shoulders, she nodded and crossed the street. Snape followed her, dodging an oncoming Beetle. Once inside, he saw her head towards the second floor. About ten paces behind her, he wandered up the stairs as well, looking for all the world as though nothing was occupying his thoughts. An Asian Death Eater? What had she been thinking of? The description fit no one in Voldemort's ranks. Still, if they were going to put stock in the dream, it made sense to assume that there would be some obstacle to retrieve the volume.

Therefore, Snape was quite surprised when Hermione returned to the stairs, book in hand, before he'd even finished climbing them. Minutes later they were back outside in the brisk winter sunlight. "To your parents' then?" he asked.

"Yes." Hermione seemed much calmer. She was completely at ease now; it was Snape's turn to feel butterflies in his stomach. He was going to meet her parents. Thank goodness it wasn't Voldemort. At least the Grangers wouldn't be able to delve into his mind and see the images of what he'd done with their daughter last night. While they hadn't passed Hermione's boundaries, her parents would hardly have been pleased to learn their daughter was interested in a grouchy old professor. Still, images of the night before flashed across Severus's mind; it had been quite a wonderful experience. He felt a little better. In fact, had the man at Hermione's side been anyone other than Severus Snape, an onlooker would have said he was glowing.

As Hermione's house was only a few streets from the library, they had decided to walk instead of Apparate. Snape hoped to have walked out his jitters by the time they reached the front door, which in his opinion came all too quickly. He'd faced Dumbledore and Voldemort dozens of times, but he'd never met a student's parents after sleeping with said student, because he'd never slept with a student. He still hadn't—technically, but it felt far too close for Snape's peace of mind.

"Hullo, Mum!" Hermione ran into her mother's outstretched arms.

"Hullo, darling." She looked up to see Snape. "Oh, hullo. Professor Snape isn't it?"

"Yes." Snape stiffly extended his hand. He was grateful to notice that Mrs. Granger appeared a few years older than himself—five, seven?

"Come in, come in. It's quite chilly today." She gracefully ushered them inside. Snape immediately noticed the cozy surroundings of a true home. Spinner's End had always lacked such a cheerful, peaceful atmosphere. Hermione's mother gestured for him to sit in an armchair near the blazing fire.

"So what brings you here, Professor Snape?" Mrs. Granger began.

"Your daughter had a desire to see you and your husband." Snape accepted a cup of tea and a walnut biscuit. "After the accident this summer, I felt it would be prudent to accompany Hermione." Snape cringed internally. _Miss Granger. Miss Granger. Not Hermione, you idiot._

"Is that really necessary?" Mrs. Granger looked alarmed.

"Constant vigilance, as Moody would say," Hermione replied with a tight smile.

"I see. Of course, we're delighted to see you, dear. Your father's at the office. Mr. Fawcett needed an emergency root canal. He should be home shortly though."

"I understand you are also a dentist, Mrs. Granger?" Snape felt the need to say something, and he thought he recalled something of the sort.

"Yes, we have an office together."

"That's quite impressive. I don't know of many couples who can work together all day and still be civil when they get home," he said, trying to make it sound more like a compliment instead of a sneer. He really couldn't imagine spending that much time with anyone, unless it was… no, he wasn't thinking about that.

"We manage quite well. We each have our own office and our own patients. There's not too much overlap. We aren't normally opened on Saturdays, but these things do happen." Mrs. Granger put a loving arm around her daughter. "So what have you been up to, dear?"

Hermione just smiled. "Severus has been helping me with my research for my book." Snape noticed her mother's reaction to her use of his first name. "He's found some excellent resources for me to use. Hogwarts library is so much more extensive!"

"Less political might be closer to the truth," Snape argued. "The Ministry has most of their more… unsavory documents under limited access. However, I think you could probably convince Kingsley to allow you entry into the files for the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. In fact, if you're not careful, he might offer you a job in that department."

"Oh! That's an excellent idea!" Hermione said enthusiastically. "It might be just the thing to do after I finish the book."

"When are you coming home for the holidays, Hermione?"

"Oh, I'm not sure." Hermione glanced at Severus, trying to get him to silently communicate an answer to her. Snape felt two pairs of eyes on him, so he kept his features schooled.

"The term ends on the 18th, but there is no need to let that schedule confine you. The Headmistress is likely to allow you to stay as long as you wish. But then, Madam Pince is unlikely to let you in the library without her. She usually spends the holiday visiting her family in Wales. However, as you're no longer a student, I'm sure you could take whatever texts you wish with you." Suddenly the thought of Hogwarts without Hermione seemed quite dull.

"Would you like to go skiing then?" Mrs. Granger turned to her daughter. "We never did get to go that year, and now you won't have to study instead of enjoying the slopes. We could close the office for a few weeks and really have a holiday!"

Snape watched Hermione's face contort into several different expressions all at once. "Mum, that sounds lovely, but… I'd still want to work on my research…" Hermione looked pleadingly at Snape.

Snape wondered why the hell she was looking at him as if he could solve her dilemma. He wanted to roll his eyes, but refrained. She had no idea how much she was hurting her own case. Nineteen years of spying made him willing to bet that Mrs. Granger had picked up on their attraction. She had been watching his reactions like a hawk, and he very much doubted her vigilance had to do with his past crimes. He debated telling the truth—it would be a novel approach if nothing else. But that route had rarely been as fruitful as he would have liked.

"I'm sure that Mr. Weasley will still be here when you return, Hermione."

Mrs. Granger's face lit up as though she'd solved a puzzle. "Oh, how silly of me, dear. Of course, you'll want to be near Ginny and the Weasleys." She stroked Hermione's hand. "I do wish they'd give you visitation rights. What's wrong with St Mungo's?" Hermione only shrugged and gave every sign of being unwilling to talk about it. A little too brightly, Mrs. Granger turned to Snape. "And how does it feel to be able to hang up your hat as a spy, Professor?"

"More exhausting than I anticipated," he said smoothly.

"Yes, I imagine you had to go to as many balls and such as Hermione did." Mrs. Granger refilled his teacup.

"Once I recovered, yes. Luckily, I was able to escape to Eastern Europe for a few weeks. All that red carpet nonsense was too much!" Severus curled his lip in disgust.

"Hermione didn't think much of it either, but we kept telling her you only live once, and how often does a young girl get to go to so many dances with her boyfriend? Ron is such a sweet young man." The awkward pause following this statement was blissfully ended by a tall man opening the front door.

"Hermione! Good to see you, darling!" He swooped her up into a hug. They immediately started catching up all over again, leaving Snape with an observant mother on his hands.

She got off the sofa and moved to the vacant chair next to him. "I saw you at some of the parties this summer. We were there when the Minister announced your return."

"Hmm." Snape didn't want to play any of his cards just yet.

"I suppose that your cruelty to our daughter during her years as your student were only part of your cover?" Mrs. Granger's tone clearly indicated disbelief in her statement.

"It sounds as if you've spent quite a bit of time in the Wizarding World lately," Snape began. "I wasn't any crueler to your daughter than to any of my other students I can assure you." Perhaps a small white lie. None of his other students had been such annoying know-it-all's.

"Yes, accounts from all around haven't showered you with praise."

"That would hardly have helped me at the time." Snape sneered.

"And now?" Mrs. Granger raised an eyebrow in question.

"I don't think Hermione seems permanently scarred. Were you thinking of suing me for bad teaching methods?"

"I didn't know that wizards and witches did that," Mrs. Granger commented.

"They don't. My father was a Muggle." Snape's face stiffened at the memory.

Mrs. Granger looked again at her daughter. "That's not the kind of scar I'm worried about right now. Professor Snape, I don't know exactly what your relationship with my daughter is, but I can see she's not at all afraid of you. I can also see that she feels the need to check her responses to my questions with you.

"She may not know it, but she's developed some sort of crush on you. I noticed it this summer. I had hoped that it would subside, but I suppose that with the accident…"

She leaned towards him and spoke briskly. "Now, I'm hoping that you're the sort of decent chap that Harry and everyone else says you are. I hope you know that the age difference and your background… Hermione has spent years looking up to you. You're a mentor to her. She's so young. What I'm trying to say is…" Mrs. Granger's tone brooked no opposition. "If I find out that you have hurt her in any way, if you so much as make her cry… I don't care how powerful a wizard you are. I don't care if you're the best Legitimats or whatever it is, I will find you. I will hunt you down, and when I'm done, you'll be wishing you'd dealt with Voldemort instead."

The speech was so heartfelt, so powerful that Snape knew he should be scared. Any sane man would be. She clearly meant everything she'd said, and he had no doubt she'd deliver, but instead, all he felt was yearning. Had _his_ mother ever cared about him that much? When she'd been just as likely to hit him as his father? Had she ever that much strength of character, had his father just beaten it out of her before he came along? With such weaklings as parents, was it any wonder that he'd turned out as he had?

Snape sat silent for a moment, just looking at Mrs. Granger before he spoke. "Hermione is very lucky to have you." It was all he could think of to say without spilling out his life story, and Severus was still a private man, but it seemed to be enough. Mrs. Granger patted his hand.

They were invited to stay for dinner, which went very well. Mr. Granger took an immediate shine to Severus, which in the professor's mind was unexplainable. It was close to eleven when they finally began the journey up the hill from Hogsmeade.

"Mum gave you the lecture didn't she?" Hermione asked without preamble.

"What lecture?" Snape feigned innocence.

"The 'I Don't Care if You're a Wizard, That's My Daughter' speech. Or did you get two?" Hermione laughed at his surprised face. "She has such an excellent sixth sense about things; I sometimes think she's a witch too."

"Quite uncanny," Severus agreed.

"Are you sufficiently scared off?" Hermione tentatively locked her fingers in his.

"We'll see" was his only reply.

* * *

_Author's Notes: Merci beaucoup to Shuldham and LC! They rock my world!_


	22. Chapter 22: Beautiful Disaster

**Chapter 22 "Beautiful Disaster"**

_"And I don't know. I don't know what he's after, but he's so beautiful, such a beautiful disaster… Would it be beautiful or just a beautiful disaster?"_ -- Kelly Clarkson

The book from the Muggle library that Hermione had borrowed was none other than Grimm's Fairy Tales. She had groaned when she'd unerringly found herself in the children's section. She knew the book at once. She'd checked it out often in primary school. Hermione had been tempted to return to the waiting Severus empty-handed. Most dreams came from a combination of familiar objects, or so she'd read the summer after giving up Divination and deciding to look at dreams from a Muggle perspective. Still, what did they have to loose? There were no other leads.

One week later, having read and re-read the stories, Hermione was no closer to an answer. Her evenings with Severus were now mostly spent helping him grade as the end of term approached. The students would go home on the following Wednesday. Luckily, this morning was already Saturday. Of course, the library would be crammed with students frantically writing final papers. Hermione had already decided to skip that chaos and remain in her rooms.

Severus was still asleep. She snuggled closer. It was so nice to have someone sharing her bed. She blushed. Not that they'd really done much of anything like that. After a full day of teaching and an evening of grading and researching, they barely kissed before their heads hit the pillows. Snape had been quite discreet; no one but Minerva even suspected he'd ever been to Hermione's rooms.

There were times when Hermione worried that it was all a big mistake. Surely, they would eventually find the cure—and she did want to find it, truly—but that meant that she'd have to confess to Ron. What would she say? Was she even sure that she would pick Severus over Ron? And if not, would it do any good to tell him? She knew of a friend in her neighborhood, Alice, who had cheated on her boyfriend and then told him. She had only kissed this other boy once before realizing that she liked the one she had best. But in her guilt, she'd felt the need to confess. He'd promptly dumped her. But surely Rom would be more understanding? About Professor Snape? About more than one kiss? It wasn't very likely.

And to be honest, Hermione wasn't sure what she wanted. She liked being with Severus. He was smart and funny sometimes. He gave excellent advice and always made her think. And he was a brilliant snogger! He was so much more mature than Ron, which was an amazing change. That was all well and good for now, but forever? She didn't even know what she wanted for a career! She'd always thought she'd end up with Ron, so how could she imagine a future with Severus? What if she moved on, even married Severus one day, and then Ron woke up? Worse, what if he woke up soon and she still picked the wrong one?

The uncertainty had filled her with dread on and off ever since she'd learned whose hands the bathrobe mimicked. A sigh escaped her as Severus pulled her closer. Such worries seemed trivial when he held her like this. It would all work out. It had to. She slowly opened her eyes to experience the December sun streaming through her window.

"Severus." She nudged him. "We missed breakfast."

"Call Winky." He kissed her forehead. "I suppose this means I'll have to get up." He stretched. "Let me take a quick shower. Toast and tea is fine for me."

Once Hermione could hear the shower running, she quickly got dressed. She was always a bit nervous about Severus accidentally walking in on her. It added excitement, but it also made her feel unsettled. He was normally good about staying well within the bounds of the limits she'd placed. But last weekend...

They'd been kissing after she'd showered. Normally she slept in a shirt and bottoms. The house-elves hadn't brought back the laundry yet, so she'd settled for a nightgown and undies. He'd tasted so good that she hadn't paid attention to exactly what was going on. Suddenly, she'd realized her gown was up to her waist and his pajama pants felt non-existent. Hermione still wasn't sure what scared her more: the fact that they seemed so close to doing what she'd feared or that she'd wanted it so much. Severus had noticed immediately her freezing and stopped his ministrations. He'd held her for a long time.

Even without the guilt of Ron on her mind, it was too soon, her logical half argued. Sex was a big step. She didn't want to rush anything. They'd only been snogging for a week and a half. He was already staying the night—a big first for her. It was all so much faster than with Viktor or Ron. To be truthful, she worried she was out of her league. Still, Severus was being wonderful. He wouldn't push her, not even if he walked in on her naked. Okay, maybe then. Hermione had been a best friend to two guys too long to imagine that any of them had that much self-control. But then, this was Severus…

Shaking her head, Hermione began braiding her hair back and then headed towards the study. After asking Winky for breakfast, Hermione began shuffling through her notes. Maybe they had missed something. Severus came in a few minutes later and kissed the back of her neck. "I love that you pulled back your hair," he murmured, causing her goosebumps to surface.

"Mmm," she agreed as he continued to kiss the nape of her neck. "S-Severus, we really should get to work. You promised that if I helped you finish grading last night, we'd get an early start today."

"Anytime before evening is early, comparatively," he argued as he pulled her closer.

"Now. Really," she protested.

"Miss Granger, you really should learn to stop being so bossy." He bit her earlobe.

"Breakfast will get cold," she whispered as she turned to kiss him.

"That's what magic's for," he managed to get out before dragging her to the sofa and snogging her senseless.

About half an hour later, Severus was pouring his tea while Hermione added jam to her toast. "Do you really think a fairy tale could help us?" she asked.

"One helped you defeat the Dark Lord." He took a sip of very strong tea.

"Yes, but that's only because Voldemort believed in it," she reasoned back. "What witch or wizard that would harm Harry would know about Grimm's Fairy Tales? Surely, most of the enemies he has left are in prison or are purebloods."

"Not every Death Eater was from a long and noble lineage." He smirked.

"Oh I know, but—" Hermione couldn't finish her sentence as the door opened. In came Ginny Weasley, completely out of breath.

"Oh, Hermione! I just got away from everyone! You won't believe it! I got—" Ginny stopped mid-sentence when she caught sight of Snape sitting in her friend's room eating breakfast. Hermione felt the accusation in Ginny's eyes. Her stomach knotted because Ginny was right—partially at least.

"Ginny," she began. "It's not… that is… I can explain…"

"Explain? What's there to explain? Obviously, you've moved on. Well, good for you. I'll see you later."

"Wait! What did you come to tell me?"

"It doesn't matter." Ginny turned to go. Snape got up and blocked her way.

"Miss Weasley, is it your custom to barge into rooms unannounced?"

Ginny glared daggers at him. "What? And give you time to hide under the bed?"

"How rude. Tut. Tut. Perhaps five points from Gryffindor for insubordination?" Snape asked with an evil glint in his eye.

Ginny whirled around towards Hermione. "And you're sleeping with him? I've heard of rebounding, but this is ridiculous!"

"Perhaps, Miss Weasley, if you would let go of your trademark temper and rash conclusions for a moment you might receive an explanation." Snape sneered at her.

"Nothing can explain this!" she shouted.

Snape turned to Hermione. "I think Miss Weasley deserves the truth, Hermione." He added emphasis to her given name, just to watch Ginny squirm.

Hermione nodded. Her world was about to come crashing down. Too late to wonder if Severus was the right choice. There was no turning back. She could only hope that Ginny would still talk to her after this, well, after her temper cooled down in a month or two. "Alright, Severus."

"You might have noticed the detentions that… Miss Granger began to receive at the beginning of term," Snape began in a low voice.

"Oh, gross!" Ginny burst out.

"Quiet, Miss Weasley. I think you'd prefer that I continue?" Snape shot her a warning glance. "As I was saying, this was all a clever ruse to allow us to research on a project that Kingsley gave us."

"The Minister?"

"A project, I am led to believe, that would be of interest to you especially. It was imperative that Hermione remain at Hogwarts to finish the project and so the Headmistress gave her the title of 'Scholar-in-Residence.' Ostensibly, she has been researching for her expose on unfair treatment of magical creatures. In reality, most of her energies, and mine, have been focused on discovering a cure for what happened to your brother and Potter." The revelation left Ginny dumbstruck, so Snape continued.

"In an effort to keep the project a secret, we have been meeting late at night and, as you can see, early in the morning. I think that is all you need to know." Snape paused, and Hermione held her breath. "Oh, yes. One more thing." Her back went rigid. "Hermione had asked that you be allowed to accompany us on our trips to St. Mungo's. Unfortunately, it was felt that no one else should become involved. I'm sure you understand." Snape strolled back to his seat on the sofa next to Hermione and casually took a sip of his, now lukewarm, tea.

Ginny sat facing them for several minutes before speaking. "And have you? Found a cure that is?" Quickly and efficiently, Hermione updated Ginny on everything that had been tried. The only thing she left out was the change in her relationship with Severus. If he wasn't going to mention it, then how could it be anyone else's business?

"Do you think that I could go see them?"

Hermione looked pleadingly at Snape. "We were planning on going tonight."

"Yes." He nodded. "We've only been visiting at night, so Miss Weasley is unlikely to be missed in the Common Room if we play the cards right. Those blasted lights in St. Mungo's corridor are always dimmed, and I don't think the Aurors would have let us disturb them. Speaking of which, how are you planning to get Miss Weasley past the Aurors?"

"Harry's cloak," they answered together.

* * *

Ginny had been quite emotional after the three had entered the private room of Harry and Ron, and Hermione had gotten a little teary at their reunion. Ginny had promptly kissed Harry on the lips. _There goes the Sleeping Beauty theory_, Hermione thought wryly.

Ginny looked up at Hermione while holding Harry's limp hand. "Before I went berserk, I came in to tell you. Harry and Ron will be so proud of me! I've been recruited by the Holyhead Harpies! I got the owl this morning! They saw the games this term and were really impressed. I can't believe it!"

Hermione hugged her friend. "That's really wonderful." But she noticed that Ginny just continued to stare at Harry like he would talk to her any moment. Hermione suddenly felt even more determined to find a way to wake the boys up. Gently, she prodded Ginny from her seat and walked her over to Ron's bed.

They were talking to Ron when they heard Snape ask, "What's this?" He pointed to a very faint scar on Harry's right hand.

"Oh!" Ginny's face got red with anger. "It was that evil bitch! Umbridge. When she gave Harry detention all those times. She made him write in his own blood. The scar faded, but I don't know if it'll ever go away."

Snape dropped the hand as if it were on fire. "Hermione, where is Umbridge now?"

"I… I don't know. Do you think? How could we have missed that? It's so simple." She wanted to hit her head against a stone wall.

Snape ran out into the hall and shouted, "I need the Minister! Quick!" They heard the popping sounds of invisible Aurors Apparating. Minutes later, Kingsley was in the doorway.

"What's happened? You have my people running in circles." His eyes widened when he saw Ginny standing in the room.

"When is Dolores Umbridge's trial?" Hermione asked immediately.

"Monday morning. Why?"

"Could you put her under Veritaserum?" Hermione questioned.

"On or off the record?"

"Kingsley, we have reason to believe that Umbridge is responsible for the attack on Potter and Weasley," Severus answered. "We need to question her."

"You can't. She's not awaiting trial in Azkaban. But we do have a tag on her wand. We'll know if she Apparates."

Snape walked over to the Minister until they were nose to nose. "Kingsley, I admire your love of fairness. Heaven knows you're the first fair Minister in decades, but you need to find some way to get the answers I need. Now. Or I've just wasted several months of my precious time on this pet project of yours. I'd hate for the accident to get leaked to the press after all this time. People might think you're not so trustworthy after all." Snape sneered.

"The lovely Ms. Holworth's been asking about you ever since you disappeared to Eastern Europe," Shacklebolt informed Snape, a happy gleam in his eye. "I'd hate to accidentally slip your address at Spinner's End to her."

Snape growled. "Why does everyone think I'm incapable of moving? Go ahead. She'll be awfully disappointed when she gets there."

"I'll do what I can. I'll let you know." The Minister left the room.

Ginny and Hermione grinned at each other. "It's certainly nicer to see you be snarky when you're on our side, Professor," Ginny said.

* * *

_Author's Notes: Copious amounts of gratitude to LC and Shuldham for being such fantastic fanfic betas!!_


	23. Chapter 23: Don't Speak

**Chapter 23 "Don't Speak"**

_"I know what you're thinking… Don't tell me cuz it hurts. " -- _No Doubt

"So I guess the book of fairy tales should've been helpful after all," Hermione muttered as they looked through the papers Shacklebolt's secretary had sent them on Monday evening.

"So it would seem," Severus agreed as he read over her shoulder. "The use of chocolate frogs instead of a poisoned apple was quite clever. I've noticed that your friends seem quite partial to them."

"Yes, and the chocolate melted almost immediately so there was no evidence." Hermione handed him the second page. "But I don't understand. She admitted to using the Draught of the Living Dead. St. Mungo's tested for that. What happened?"

"Kingsley was kind enough to ask her how she made it. Now what's wrong with what she says here?" He watched Hermione scan the parchment.

"Well, I don't remember the recipe offhand exactly. But why would she use newt's eyes? Didn't it call for salamander's?"

Snape nodded. "And she didn't let it simmer the full twenty-four hours in step six. There are other minor errors of course. I'm willing to bet quite a few galleons that Umbridge did horribly in Potions when she was a student."

"Then why would she try to get rid of them with one? Surely, it would have made more sense to use a technique she was good at." Hermione looked up at him.

"I very much doubt that Umbridge thought she could do poorly at anything, but then why not use a more conventional poison? She could have killed them off far easier with arsenic."

"Pain," Hermione said simply. "I think she enjoyed the idea of their being buried alive in a coma because they were the death of all her ambitions. She must have known her time was almost up. But how did she know about the car? How did she plant the chocolate?"

Severus scanned the paper and saw the answer. He wasn't sure he should tell her, but she glanced up at him with that expression. "She overheard Ron talking with you, asking if you wanted to go for a ride in the car. It appears she thought you'd say yes and ran off before hearing your answer. She assumed she could get the Golden Trio in one fell swoop—so to speak. I imagine that Potter was her real aim. You and Weasley would have been bonuses."

"So she found the car?"

"It's all right here." He handed the parchment back to her and stroked her hair as she read. "Shacklebolt already has some witches and wizards working on antidotes. But I imagine that we could find the answer faster."

"It'll be tricky to figure out how to change the antidote to fit the botched potion," Hermione mused.

"Which is why they need a Potions Master and the cleverest witch of her age." Snape smiled.

* * *

Keeping Hermione busy over the last week had definitely been a good idea. First, they had made the Draught according to Umbridge's memory and had begun constructing an antidote. Hermione would work in Snape's private lab while he taught, and then they took shifts working and sleeping. Winky brought them all their meals. The students were quite happy to see less of their DADA professor for the last two days of term. The holiday seemed to have started early.

Ginny came in that Tuesday and Wednesday to help how she could—cutting up ingredients or looking up something in the library. She and Crookshanks found several rats to use as guinea pigs. At first, Hermione had objected to this, but Snape had managed to override her protests via guilt. Miss Weasley had finally been persuaded to take the Hogwarts Express home with the other students.

By Thursday, Severus and Hermione had come up with excellent theoretical antidotes. They immediately started making them. The lab was small so they began using the Potions classroom, now that the students had vacated the premises. By Friday, Hermione had Transfigured a bed in the corner of the lab, which they took turns using. On Sunday the Draught and first antidote were ready.

The initial trials were failures. Severus stayed up into the wee hours of the morning trying to determine what had gone wrong. Of course, the other four trials might work. They'd all be ready in the morning. He made subtle changes to the first antidote recipe as Hermione slept. She looked so lovely curled up on the cot. She was easy to work with, and there were moments when he forgot what they were working for: a way to reawaken her boyfriend.

Things between them had been a little strained since Miss Weasley had discovered them over a week ago. Was it only a week ago? Hermione had become so tense. Severus was beginning to think that her mother had been right after all. Hermione just had a silly crush on him that had been blown out of proportion by working with him in close proximity. They hadn't even kissed since then, and he missed their kisses.

He didn't know what to say or even if he should bring it up. What was there to say after all? Who are you going to want–-me or your boyfriend? Do I suddenly revolt you? The words of her mother and Miss Weasley kept ringing in his head.

_"You're sleeping with him? I've heard of rebounding, but this is ridiculous!" _

"_The age difference and your background… She's so young…"_

"_If I find out that you have hurt her in any way, I will hunt you down, and when I'm done, you'll be wishing you'd had dealt with Voldemort instead."_

He shouldn't have proposed using the rats as guinea pigs. If they'd accidentally killed Ron off, he wouldn't be in this predicament.

Monday afternoon the other antidotes were ready. The second, third, and fourth antidotes were failures. The fifth worked on the last rat. Hermione, pleased to have accomplished their goal, was beaming with excitement all the way from the laboratory to the Apparition Point that would get them to London.

They strolled through the pouring London rain into St. Mungo's, sure of victory. For Severus, however, it was bittersweet. Would Hermione still care for him with Ron around? What if this antidote didn't work? Would she give up or keep trying?

He stopped Hermione before they entered the fifth floor. Severus had no desire to be overheard by the Aurors guarding Room 534. He led them to a shadowy corner and tried to think of how to say what needed to be said.

As she looked up at him expectantly, he allowed himself to trace her jawline with his fingers, the first contact they had had in a week. "Hermione, I know you'll be brave. This may not work. But if it does, I want you to know… You're so young—that is, I'm old enough to be your father."

"It's only nineteen years!" Hermione hissed, but he saw a flicker of uncertainty in her eyes.

"Exactly. You've only been alive nineteen years, most of which has been spent fighting the Dark Lord. What will you do now? Do you even know who you are outside of a member of the Golden Trio?"

He let out a deep sigh and continued, "At nineteen, I was happy as a Death Eater. That was who I was, Hermione, but not who I could have become. WhoI did become. I've done terrible things. Have you killed a colleague or watched as one died? Can you imagine how I felt? Charity Burbage begged me for her life, and I could show no mercy. I'm not a nice man. Allying yourself with me won't be easy. Are you willing to go through years of censure only to discover that you never truly loved me, that you simply had a crush on a former professor you were working with all the time?"

Hermione was silent. She'd never thought of it like that. "You regret your past. What else could you have done about Professor Burbage? Severus, you were brave. No one cares now that you were a Death Eater. You did what you had to do to help save the Wizarding World. You saved us—countless times. Everyone knows how wonderful you are. If we…that is…it wouldn't be…" She looked pleadingly into his eyes.

Severus shook his head. "No, my dear. Only you seem to think I'm wonderful. But I'm serious; I want you to think about this carefully. Miss Weasley's reaction shows how hard this could be for you, and it won't be worth it unless you want to make it last in the long run. You don't even know how you want to spend your life. Are you ready right now to decide who to spend it with?"

She looked down at the floor. "But I have to tell him…"

"Why?" he asked. She didn't answer him.

"It's your choice, Hermione. I'm not going to tell you what to do. I will say this though: sometimes one word is all it takes to break a friendship. Believe me, I know. If there is no doubt in your mind, then go ahead. Tell him that… we are together, were together, however you want it to be. But if you think there's even a chance you might eventually choose him, wait."

All the fears that had plagued her since their second kiss beat down her defenses. He was right. Their age difference couldn't just be dismissed like a foul smelling dishcloth. He was settled at Hogwarts. Would she be satisfied to stay there just for him? Honestly, she very much doubted it. She wasn't ready to make a long term commitment based on three weeks, the last of which could be called strained at best. And he was right, she didn't know exactly what she wanted. For the first time in her life, she was truly baffled. Hermione buried her head in his chest. "Oh, Severus," she whispered. "I'm so confused. I don't know…"

"Shh." Snape gently held her, letting his touch and closeness comfort her. "Now look at me. I don't promise to wait around forever. I won't promise that, but I'll give you some time. Alright?" She stood up straight and nodded.

Together they walked into Room 534. It took mere seconds for the antidote to work and for Harry to say in a hoarse, confused voice, "Where are we? What happened to the car?"

"Harry! Ron!" Hermione hugged them fiercely. "Do you remember eating a chocolate frog?"

"Yeah, and it tasted sorta odd," Ron said.

"Well, it should have! It was poisoned!" Hermione replied, exasperated.

"Blimey!"

"So when did you find us?"

"I didn't. The Ministry did."

"Guess Skeeter had a field day," Harry added, ruefully.

"No, Shacklebolt hasn't told anyone. Said you were in training abroad."

"But why'd he do that?" Ron asked, puzzled. "It was just last night. One night. No biggie."

"Ronald, it's Christmas Eve tomorrow," Hermione explained. "Severus and I—"

"Wait! 'Severus?' Why the bloody hell are you callin' him that!?" Ron shouted.

"Tut, tut, Weasley." Snape stepped into view. "Hermione's been working very hard to find a cure for both of you all term. Shacklebolt brought us together as colleagues. She's been working around the clock for the last week to fix your skinny hide. The least you can do in appreciation is to lower your voice."

Ron looked quite sorry as he reached for Hermione's hand. "We could've waited another day. You shouldn't have worn yourself out so much."

Hermione laughed and kissed his forehead. "Easy to say now that we know you're better."

"So what happened, Hermione?" Harry gingerly propped himself up on his side.

Suddenly, Severus felt very out of place. Who was he fooling? Hermione would never be his, never had been really. In fact, he wasn't even sure he'd really liked her. It was all just a part of this drama. She had shown him kindness and his imagination had run wild. That was all. He cleared his throat and said, "I'll go fetch a Healer then. I'm sure that they'll be happy to release you by this evening."

"Oh, Severus?" Hermione's voice stopped him. "Would you come to my family's Christmas party on Wednesday evening? I'm sure my parents would love to see you again, and the Weasleys will be there. I know they'd love to thank you properly."

"Come on, Snape," Ron said, recent hostility forgotten. "If you don't show, I'll never hear the end of it from Mum. Help a bloke out!"

He turned back towards her, ignoring Weasley. "I'll be there." He left the room abruptly with his robes billowing behind him.

* * *

_Author's Notes: As always, thanks to Shuldham and LC for their amazing job as betas!! Thanks for reading. More to come when I get the chance!_


	24. Chapter 24: If You're Not the One

**Chapter 24 "If You're Not the One"**

_"If you're not the one, then why does your hand fit mine this way?"_ -- Daniel Bedingfield

Hermione knew she should not be staring at the door. Her parents' living room was crammed with her friends and former members of the Order of the Phoenix. Professor McGonagall and Hagrid were catching up with Harry and Ron while Ginny teased Charlie about a new dragon trainer he had met in Albania. Mrs. Weasley was hugging Hermione's mother again. Mr. Weasley, Shacklebolt, and Hermione's father were standing together next to the Christmas tree across the room.

The Grangers had held their traditional—Muggle—Christmas party the day before. Hermione was exhausted. First thing that morning she had tried to bring the boys up to speed on what had happened in the six months they had slept. However, after lunch she had run home and helped her parents clean the house. Even with scrubbing the floors and vacuuming with magic, she and her mother were throwing on their dresses five minutes before the neighbors knocked on the door. Hermione used her wand to clean up afterwards. The next morning, she had to enlarge the living room to fit the number of magical guests her parents had invited.

Looking around the room, Hermione realized that her parents must now know more people in the wizarding community than she did. She had no idea who the witches eating the sausage rolls were, and she also wondered about the wizards who were eyeing said witches. But there was one wizard that she definitely could not find: Severus Snape.

She had received no word from him since he had left St. Mungo's. She had sent him a reminder owl yesterday in case he had forgotten her parents' address. Now she felt like a fool. He was not coming. The party was in full swing, and no one had walked through the front door in half an hour.

She felt a pair of arms slide around her waist. "How is the cleverest witch of her age feeling?" Shivers ran up and down her spine as teeth gently bit her earlobe.

"Just fine," she managed to reply. He began kissing her neck, and her thoughts whirled out of her control. She knew that it was Ron, not Severus, behind her. If she was in love with Severus, then surely she couldn't feel this excited about Ron's kisses. Her body would not be humming, and her fingers would not be shaking in anticipation. But if she was in love with Ron, why had she responded so willingly to Severus's ministrations?

Ron turned her around to face him. "We're under the mistletoe," he whispered and kissed her. Her first thought was how nice, but strange, the kiss was. It was the first kiss he had given her since waking. In the hospital, they had been surrounded, and Hermione had evaded Ron's single attempt. Surfacing from the dizzying kiss, Hermione noticed that they had attracted some attention. George was hooting. She blushed.

"How much of that punch did you drink, Ron?" she asked.

"Just enough to give me the courage to kiss you in front of everyone," he replied cheekily.

"Oh," was all she could think of to say as he slid his arm around her waist. She tucked her head into the space just below his shoulder. Ron was quite tall. He was actually just a few inches taller than… what was she doing? Umbridge had gotten her revenge after all. Hermione had never been more confounded in her life. Was she some crazy bint to be attracted to two boys—men at once? How was that even possible?

Neville and Luna strolled over. "Good to see you, Ron." Neville shook hands with the reawakened Sleeping Beaus as the _Daily Prophet_ had termed Ron and Harry.

"Did you have a nice sleep?" Luna asked. "Not that you've missed much. All the nargles are gone. Dad says they'll return eventually."

Ron gave her a friendly smile, but his eyes betrayed his amusement. "I'm sure the sleep was nice. I don't remember much of it. But it's odd, the loss of time. I still can't believe it wasn't yesterday that Hermione kissed me good night at the Ministry party."

"Well, that kiss was in all the papers," Luna interrupted helpfully. "I'm sure you could look back at them if you want documentation of the date and all."

"It was in the bloody papers?!" Ron huffed.

Neville knew the warning signs. "Calm down, mate. It got rid of your fan club at least. Suddenly I was bombarded with witches at all the events… course you and Harry were both gone… I dunno."

"Ron, it's fine. So there was a picture in the paper. Rita Skeeter would have found out sooner or later." Hermione smiled, hoping that her nonchalance would make him realize the insignificance of the article.

Ron turned his head to look at her again. For a moment he was speechless as his mouth opened and closed as he tried to find the words. "But you… you were so firm about keeping our relationship hushed!"

"Which was why I kissed you in front of everyone! How thick are you?" Hermione returned with passion in her voice. Then, as the events of the last six months came flooding back to her, she stormed off to the kitchen.

Upon seeing the pile of dishes in the sink, Hermione flicked her wand to clean them. Then she began manually refilling the empty biscuit trays. She heard footsteps behind her and held in a deep sigh. She wanted to disappear into the crowd, not have a heart-to-heart with Ron.

"Oh, Hermione. Good! I see you're a step ahead of me. I was just coming in here to get more biscuits," her mother chattered happily, taking the full trays from her daughter's hands. "And you've started the dishes! Have I told you what a fabulous daughter you are?"

"Only about a thousand times." Hermione smiled back at her mum. "The party's a great success. I can't believe the turnout."

"I think they were all curious to see what a Muggle party is like." Mrs. Granger shrugged her shoulders. "And we're invited to spend New Year's with the Weasleys. They are so grateful to you and Professor Snape. I'm surprised he isn't here! Didn't you invite him as I asked you?"

"Yes, Mum," Hermione replied dutifully. "And he said he would come…" She could hide her disappointment from everyone except her mother. Mothers are like that, especially when daughters wish they weren't.

Mrs. Granger put down the trays. She took Hermione's hands. "Well, dear, perhaps it's for the best. I know that you enjoyed his company… But age is a funny thing. Twenty years doesn't seem like much at nineteen, and it isn't that much at seventy-five. It's the in-between years that are the hardest, where it really shows. If you chose him, one day you would wake up with two or three wonderful children, and—knowing you—have a brilliant career, and then you would look at your love life. All of the early magic would be gone, and some younger man or wizard might catch your eye. Suddenly, Severus would seem ancient. You'd feel cheated. It would be painful."

"Like you would know! You still love Dad!" Hermione hissed then paused. "Don't you?"

"I love your father very much. Not that we haven't had our tough moments. Temptation comes no matter how much you love your partner, no matter how well you fit together. There will always be a 'what if.' It's a question of which 'what if' you can live with. My mother… she married an older man… and for a while, they were very happy. They had me and Uncle Ted soon after their wedding. But when I was still in primary school, they drifted… apart. They got a divorce. They both remarried. Saying that now doesn't sound so very impressive, Hermione. But then, I lost friends because my parents were separated. My mother lost respect in our community. I cannot help but fear you will make the same mistake."

"But you can't know it would be the same. And what if Ron is the wrong choice? What if I pick him and I end up wishing I were with Severus? How can you know that Severus is so wrong for me?"

Mrs. Granger cupped Hermione's chin. "I can't. But I know that you care for Ron. It shows when you're with him. If you were to not choose him, you could lose a lot. I'm just asking that you think about it. You're nineteen, and Ron isn't proposing. Don't make a hasty choice. I love you, darling. I'll stand by you no matter who you choose."

"You seem to have your mind already made up."

"I'm your mother. I'm allowed to have an opinion. You're old enough to have your own as well."

Then Hermione realized: "I never even said I liked him! How did you—when did I—"

"You didn't have to. I'm a mum. It comes with the territory."

Hermione sulked. "I hate you sometimes."

"Good. You were entirely too responsible as a teenager."

"I still am one."

"Then you're a bit of a late-bloomer."

"Mum! I sent you and Dad away and fought a maniac who wanted to commit genocide!"

"See? Too responsible! No wonder your life's a soap opera at the moment. Chin up, darling. Everyone's life has at least a bit of it that could be used to write a play.

"Yeah, but will it be a comedy or a tragedy?"

"A bit of both. Always a bit of both."

Their conversation was interrupted by Mr. Granger. "Hermione! Just the girl I need. This came for you ages ago and what with the party and all it completely slipped my mind." He handed his daughter a letter. "It arrived by owl this afternoon."

Hermione greedily read the address, but it was not in the writing she had hoped for though it looked vaguely familiar. She tore the envelope open.

_Miss Granger,_

_Professor Snape is ill and has requested for me to let you know that he will be unable to attend your parents' party tonight. Happy Christmas! Hope you and the boys are having a great time! I am so glad they are recovered!_

_Madam Pomfrey_

Hermione reread the note. It was definitely Madam Pomfrey's script, so Severus had not forged the letter in a cheap attempt to avoid her company. Was he so sick that he could not write himself? He had remembered to tell her he would not be coming. But how unwell could the man be if he were still at Hogwarts instead of St. Mungo's? Something was not right.

"Here you are!" Ron's voice brought her out of her thoughts. "We'd wondered what had happened to you." His eyes strayed to the parchment in her hand, but he didn't ask what it contained.

"Just helping Mum and Dad with the party." Hermione tried to smile brightly as she set the letter down on the table.

"Anything I can do?" Ron turned to Mrs. Granger.

"No thank you, Ron. You two go back to the party." Following orders, the couple headed back to the living room.

Hermione glanced sideways at Ron. He seemed more mature suddenly. How could sleeping for six months make you more mature? It was strange. He took her hand and led her to an empty corner near the front door. "We're going to be very busy for the next few weeks what with the holidays and all."

"Yes." Hermione wondered where he was headed.

"So it's not the best time, but I wanted to ask… anything interesting happen to you while I was gone?"

"What?"

"Well, six months is a long time…"

Hermione opened her mouth, but Severus's words returned to her.

_Sometimes one word is all it takes to break a friendship… if you think there's even a chance you might eventually choose him, wait._

She closed her mouth. Even if she were to tell him, now was not the time. Her mother was right; she needed more time.

* * *

Hermione examined the reply to the owl she had sent, asking whether she could visit Severus.

_Miss Granger,_

_Professor Snape is still contagious. You may come for a visit on Tuesday next. _

_Madam Pomfrey_

Hermione had tried to suppress her fears. Madam Pomfrey had not explained what Severus had or what was wrong. She had managed to push her emotions to the back of her mind during the weekend when she and her parents went to visit with relatives. Still, her grandmother had noticed that Hermione had been out of sorts. She was just grateful that today was Tuesday.

Parchment in hand, Hermione stood at the gates of Hogwarts and walked in. Upon entering the infirmary, she heard Madam Pomfrey arguing with Severus. She paused for a moment to listen to the rather one-sided exchange.

"I told you not to get out of that bed! You men are just little boys when you get sick. Don't make me restrain you, Snape! You will sit quietly in bed until you are stronger. I don't care if you're bored. First you wanted to go to that Christmas party. As if I would let you infect Arthur Weasley or anyone else just because you had a craving for Yuletide pudding! Don't glare at me like that, young man, you know it doesn't intimidate me. Wizard Pneumonia is a serious disease, and you are well over twenty, Snape. Just be grateful it didn't kill you." Madam Pomfrey paused as Severus obviously said something that Hermione couldn't hear, only to start again in a tone Hermione remembered well. "I don't care if Merlin himself is asking you to brew something! Ha! Severus Snape if you so much as set a toe out of that bed, I will—"

"Hello!" Hermione interrupted. "It's Tuesday; I was coming for a visit."

"Didn't see you there, dear." Madam Pomfrey looked flustered at having been caught yelling at her patient. "Professor Snape could do with a visitor. His temper is running high today, though. You are familiar with Wizard Pneumonia, Miss Granger?"

"No, ma'am. You didn't mention what he had in your letters." Hermione tried to hide her frustration at the mediwitch's omission.

"Well, I would have liked to have taken him to St. Mungo's, but he was much too sick to be moved. Wizard Pneumonia is potentially life threatening in all wizards over the age of twenty." Madam Pomfrey turned back to Severus who was lying on the bed watching her with a smirk. "A fact he would do well to remember. Witches can't catch it, gender specific you see, but it can be terribly contagious for wizards. It has even been known to spread by indirect contact, which is why we have been quarantined here for a while. But he isn't contagious now. And if he would stop behaving like a first year, he might be well enough to walk in another week."

Madam Pomfrey walked to the door. "You may stay for half an hour, Miss Granger. Severus needs his rest."

The door closed with a resounding bang, leaving them in silence. Hermione studied Snape. She had had no idea he had been in so much danger. Madame Pomfrey had said direct contact; did that include a hug? She briefly wondered if she had passed the disease along to Harry or Ron or so many other people. No, she would know by now. Relieved that he was out of danger, she took in the changes the disease had caused. His face was pale, and there were dark circles under his eyes. He kept swallowing as though something was wrong with his throat. It was so good to see him. Madam Pomfrey had acted like Severus was lucky to still be alive. What if she had lost him? Hermione's knees went weak at the thought. She wasn't going to let her thoughts go there. She was confused enough as it was.

She took his hand in hers. Trying to make light of everything, she asked, "Were you really at death's door?"

He shook his head. For some reason, she believed him. It made her feel immensely better.

"I bet no one has dared to compare you to a first year in quite some time," she said hoping to make him smile.

He only continued to stare at her.

"I got Madam Pomfrey's letter. We were sorry you couldn't make the party, but she didn't explain how serious it was. If I'd known…well … anyway I'm here now, and I suppose you have had enough of being fussed over, so why don't I tell you all about it?" Still Severus didn't say anything, so Hermione continued. "George spiked the punch—naturally." Hermione went on to describe the party in detail from the decorations to the food to who had come and who hadn't. Seven minutes into her monologue, she realized Severus was staring at her with an odd expression on his face. She paused as she realized that she had completely left out any mention of Ron or Harry. "Ginny was glued to Harry's side. I wish you'd been there to get all of the praise for our work. Mrs. Weasley was beside herself to have the boys back. The Minister was quite pleased too. There was even an article featured on our work. You should have seen the papers."

Hermione trailed to a halt as she became aware of Snape's hard gaze. His eyes moved to his nightstand table and Hermione's followed. The latest _Daily Prophet _was laying on it. Hermione's eyes bulged a little when she saw the headline "A Double Heroes' Wedding?" She grabbed the paper and scanned Rita's latest article claiming that Ron and Harry were planning on marrying their girlfriends in the spring.

"That's preposterous! Ginny's not going to plan her honeymoon when she's about to go on tour with the Harpies! And Harry will want to finish his Auror training first. He hasn't even begun. That's a full three year commitment."

Hermione felt Snape's gaze return to her. Did he know? Had he already read her mind? No, he wouldn't do that. And she was Ron's girlfriend, so it was nobody's business if they were snogging! But that meant her time with Severus was Ron's business. Was it only last week that she was snogging the man in front of her? And looking at him, remembering their time together, she wondered how she had been able to kiss Ron at the party. She was so confused. Snape was the one who had said he would give her more time. Surely he knew her better than to think she would turn around just hours afterward and agree to a proposal? She looked up at Snape, suddenly furious.

"Is it that you can't talk or won't?" she hissed.

A strangled voice managed a few words. "Difficult. Don't be angry. Sorry."

Hermione slumped forward. "I'm not angry at you, Severus. I'm angry at me. And of course at Skeeter." He cocked his eyebrow. "Yes, I know. I can't let her get to me. But everyone will be reading this and thinking… I just don't understand how anyone can see her as a reliable journalist." He smirked. "Well, point taken. I wouldn't have thought anyone was stupid enough to appoint Fudge as Minister either."

When she looked up, he raised his eyebrow, and she knew he was not referring to her blabbering. He was asking about Ron. Hermione had given excellent reasons why Harry and Ginny would not be married, but she had left out Ron entirely. She felt her eyes grow bigger in spite of herself. And she knew he knew. She started to get up from the bed, but his hand stayed her progress. She could feel the tears ready to overflow. She wouldn't let him see her cry. She might be a slut for enjoying snogs with two different wizards, but she wouldn't let him see her cry. Then she looked down at his face and saw the one expression she never thought he would show: compassion. It was such an expected sight that the tears began to fall. Then the sobs began, softly at first and then so loudly that she briefly wondered why Madam Pomfrey did not return immediately.

Hermione half fell onto the floor as she hide her face into the blanket on Snape's bed. She was vaguely aware of him patting her head in soothing motions. She thought she heard him say, "It's alright," but her sobs were so loud she couldn't be sure.

Finally, Hermione had no more tears left to cry. Part of her wished Severus could speak, could tell her how he was feeling. Part of her just wanted to cuddle up next to him on his bed and take comfort in that. But the sensible part of her knew that was impossible. She could not be with both of them at once.

He was giving her time to test how she felt with Ron. It would be unfair to all of them if she tried to date both of them at once. Hermione squeezed Severus's hand and met the gaze of his deep eyes. He told her without words that they would not speak of the matter again. She nodded and gave him a faint smile. He gently lifted one of her hands and brushed his lips to it and smiled back. For quite some time, they just sat silently in each other's company. She did enjoy being with him. No matter what, she thought, we'll stay friends.

Then realizing the half hour was almost gone, Hermione spoke. "Oh time's almost up. Severus, I have a favor to ask. Actually I was going to ask you at the party, then you were ill and… I feel a bit silly asking now… but maybe this would be something you could do until you can brew again. I know how much you hate being idle... Would you mind revising my book—both editions? Please? I know that anyone else I ask will only say how wonderful it is. But I want it to be better than it is. And you're just the person to make it better! But if you don't want to, I'll understand. That'll be fine too. Only, would you?"

He nodded. She smiled.

* * *

_Author's Notes: As always boxes of chocolates for LC and Shuldham, without whom this chapter would not have been written. Thanks for reading and reviewing!_


	25. Chapter 25: Wait

**Chapter 25 "Wait"**

_"Wait. Wait till you doubt no more. Wait till you know for sure. And you will wait too long. He will be gone."_ -- Get Set Go

The green leaves and warm weather of what passes for summer in Scotland were lost on Severus as he prepared to unwrap the package he had received that morning in the Great Hall. He had saved it till the end of the day. His Defense Against the Dark Arts students seemed to have progressed in their ability to be dunderheads, not in their studies. At least their final exams would be in four days. Severus had been looking forward to a quiet summer for months.

Hermione had gained access, with Potter's help, to the Ministry files, so much of the research for her expose on the misuse of magical creatures was no longer conducted at Hogwarts. She would return just for a week at a time to examine the less political tomes in the Hogwarts' library and to consult Severus on revisions of her chapters. He had found himself looking forward to her visits. Her intelligent company was quite soothing after the idiots he suffered in the classroom.

He had found it quite pleasant to peruse her unedited chapters after a long evening of grading mundane papers. It was so refreshing to contemplate the ideas of someone who had something between her ears. And it was quite nice to mark up a paper without having to attach a grade to it. He wondered why he stayed at Hogwarts. The familiarity? Not exactly. So Hermione would know where he was? No.

He sighed. It was the press. Hogwarts ensured that he would be left in relative peace. Even teaching Longbottom in Potions was preferable to having to hide from Rita Skeeter and her colleagues.

Snape had not left Hogwarts since he and Hermione had received their second Order of Merlin, First Class, for saving Harry and Ron. The Ministry celebration had been unbearable. Hermione had asked him to dance twice, but he had refused. Snape was not about to give anyone an opportunity to comment on his dancing abilities. He sat with Molly and Arthur. Snape remembered the occasion only too well.

_"Knees aren't what they used to be eh, Snape?" Arthur said. _

"_Now, Arthur, Snape's a few years younger than you. Maybe his knees haven't given out yet," Molly countered, kindly. _

"_I am not inclined to dance," Snape said disdainfully. _

"_Well, the children are." Arthur chuckled. "Just look at them. Ginny has been so happy these past few months, even being apart from Harry."_

"_Yes, her letters home are so much cheerier than when he was at St. Mungo's. And Ron is quite a help to George at the shop. They are expanding to Hogsmeade over the summer. Then Ron's going to begin his Auror training with Harry. I'm so glad they decided to take some time before starting that. They have been through so much… we can't thank you enough for helping save them." Molly reached for Snape's hand and gave it a squeeze._

_If it had been anyone but Molly Weasley, Snape would have hexed them. But he had no quarrel with the witch who had been less frosty than the other Order members. She had always had a batch of his favorite biscuits when he came to the Order meetings at Number Twelve. Those biscuits were probably the only reason he hadn't strangled Sirius._

"_Hermione mentioned that Ron was helping George." Snape was unwilling to be thanked again for working on the Umbridge case, as the papers called it. He saw Ron pull Hermione closer on the dance floor. A small spark of rage filled his chest, but he quickly dismissed it. _

_He was not about to remain interested in a witch who had clearly chosen another. Arthur was right. They were all children. He could remember her buck teeth and her bushy hair and her persistent know-it-all attitude. He remembered her at eleven. Those memories squelched all desire he might have had for her. _

_Hermione had caused his world to fall apart. If he never told anyone, the memories of this past autumn could remain…pleasant. However, one word to anyone, and he would just be a dirty old man who took advantage of a former student who was cooping with the traumatic loss of a boyfriend in a coma. He could see the headlines now. Snape groaned aloud. _

"_Are you alright, Severus?" Minerva had joined the table while his thoughts had wandered._

_He grunted noncommittally. The sweet notes of a slow love song floated through the room. Minerva stood and took his hand. "Let's show these children how it's done." Before he knew it, Severus was waltzing with a witch he once claimed would be the death of him. He couldn't help smiling. It was so improbable. Dumbledore would have loved this._

"_I will keep you dancing until you promise to stay at least another year at Hogwarts, Severus."_

"_I didn't know you were allowed to torture your staff, Minerva. Whose side of the war were you on?" _

"_Promise?"_

"_One more year." Snape promised. "But that's all, Minerva. No matter how many waltzes I dance with you."  
_

"_Just as long as you do dance with me, Severus. You're a divine dancer." _

_Snape smirked. "Flattery will get you nowhere."_

_Minerva just laughed. _

So once again, Snape was facing a quick respite before another term of dunderheads. Still, life had become simplified with only the workload of his classes. There was no Ministry project, no clandestine meetings, no Dark Mark, no spying. He could almost deal with the students. And if he felt like he was missing something, it was probably just the adventure—or so he told himself.

All of the Death Eater trials were over, and Severus knew his life would never be as stressful as it had been for the last nineteen years. Even teaching Defense seemed less important. There was no Dark Lord to conquer. Then again, there were still Umbridges. Perhaps his work would be useful after all.

He returned his attention to the package in front of him. He quickly dispensed with the twine and brown paper to reveal a large green tome three inches thick with the title "The Rights of Magical Creatures—The Extended Edition" in gold.

So it was finished. She would have no excuse to return to Hogwarts. Of course, Severus had known she had completed the chapters. Hermione had told him two weeks ago that she would be taking a final copy to the publisher's office. He had expected this to be the contents of the package. He knew all this and still a part of him mourned the loss of her visits. He shook himself out of his reverie and poured himself a Scotch, looking forward to spending the evening examining the book in depth.

Sitting in front of the fire in his office, he opened to the first page. Hermione had penned:

_To Severus,_

_Thank you for all the work you put into this book. I can't tell you how much your guidance and friendship means to me. Let me know when you're free for afternoon tea._

_Hermione_

There was a blot of ink before the word friendship. Severus knew she had debated what term to use. He chuckled. Hermione would have worked hard to stay within the bounds of propriety even in a private message.

He turned the next page, which was the public dedication.

_This extended edition is dedicated to Severus Snape, who ensured its existence. It is also dedicated to the initial members of S.P.E.W._

Snape stared at the parchment in shock. She had dedicated the volume to him and not just his version but every extended edition! It was amazing. It was insane. Could it mean that she actually... he squashed the thought before it reached completion. It was easy to see that he had blown their…connection out of proportion.

Considering his past, it was only natural that he would have taken up with any witch who could follow his intellect and would welcome his advances. But that was behind him. It was just infatuation. Now that she was not around all the time it was easy to see that. He took a deep sip of his drink. Minerva was right, he told himself: Hermione belonged with Ron, someone her own age, someone whose knees worked. Yet for some reason his whiskey suddenly tasted bitter.

* * *

It was a few weeks later at the true beginning of the summer that Severus found himself pouring Hermione another cup of tea at Harrods's. He had no idea how she had persuaded him to come here of all places. He must have been quite tipsy last night. "What do you mean when I retire?"

"Really, Severus. Don't get so nettled! I just said that when you retire I'm sure your party won't be as cramped as Professor Slughorn's was last night."

"Because I am incapable of having friends?" he teased.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "You are incorrigible. I only meant you would have the good sense not to invite every witch or wizard you ever taught. I couldn't find you or Professor McGonagall last night at all!"

"I assure you I was there," Snape replied dryly. "As there are a good many students I never wish to see again, I would hardly want them celebrating my retirement."

"Well, I'm sure you have at least another twenty years left of terrorizing students." Hermione grinned. "I wasn't saying you were old."

Snape looked down at his cup of tea. He knew she hadn't meant it that way, but he felt it. "And how are Weasley and Potter?"

"Off to Auror training camp as of this morning. They'll be in the wilderness somewhere for the summer. I believe they'll be in Brecon Beacons, but they aren't allowed to say. 'No communication with the outside world.' Harry and Ron could write a book on wilderness survival after the Forest of Dean; I'm sure there's more to it than that."

"And what would the book say?"

"Bring Hermione Granger and a large supply of food. Ron got very dissatisfied with my meals."

Severus laughed, a rich sound that caused her spine to tingle. "You should have made him cook," he said.

"Believe me; you didn't want to eat it when he did." Hermione laughed. "It's easy to laugh about it now. It seems so long ago."

"So many things do." Severus whispered while stirring his tea. Then he changed the conversation. "What will you do this summer?"

"I've still got a few more circuits to make to publicize the book. I have enjoyed meeting people but mostly they come to see a 'war hero,' not to learn about the injustice of wizarding law."

"Are you still at your parents'?" Severus offered her another scone, which she took with a guilty face. She hardly needed the calories, but they were so good.

"Delicious," she proclaimed. "No, I have my own flat in London now. The boys wanted me to live with them in Number Twelve, but I just want to be on my own for now. I haven't been there much with the promotional tours, but I think I'll be alright. Ginny's staying there this summer while they're gone. She's started training so she doesn't have much free time."

"So you're all alone?" Snape refused to look her in the eye.

"Not at all. Luna's often in London, and Neville is apprenticing with a Herbologist at—"

"Yes, yes. Sprout told me all about it last night." Snape waved for her to continue.

"And you're close by—well, not exactly close, but you're not at Hogwarts. And of course Bill and George and oh everyone," Hermione finished in a rush.

Snape raised his eyebrow. "I was thinking we could publish our notes on the potion to halt Nagini's venom if you could spare the time."

"Oh, yes! That's brilliant!" Hermione's face lit up. Severus smiled. Perhaps he had been hasty to dismiss his feelings for her. He could wait out a clumsy Weasley.

* * *

"Severus, I do think you should consider redecorating Spinner's End. The rooms are a good size, but they need more light. You should get new furniture too. I think you'd be happier here if it looked more… homey." Hermione bit her lip. She knew she had overstepped her boundaries.

But Snape just nodded. This was good. She was concerned about his surroundings. Of course, it might have been because she had stopped by for tea once or twice a week all summer. He regretted having to return to Hogwarts to prepare for classes. But perhaps he could find someone to fix up the house during the school year. He had never used any of his teaching wages… yes, this would be perfect.

"How is your flat? Does it also need sprucing up?" Snape's expression made her smile.

"Don't pretend like you're angling for an invitation. I've invited you over several times. It's not my fault you're always too busy to see the first place that is my own. But no, it's quite perfect now. The sitting room's walls are lined with books—such a cheap alternative to painting or wall-papering. I bought a kitchen table last week. Mum found some lovely curtains that match the sofa." As Hermione continued to describe her flat in detail, Severus let his thoughts wander.

She was so much more confident after only three months of being independent. Though Hermione had vanquished foes since the tender age of eleven, living on her own was slowly giving her a quiet sense of purpose and confidence. She had begun working for the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures only last week. Hermione still lacked a definite direction. Severus thought that perhaps she would find it in the next year. Then perhaps he would leave Hogwarts, perhaps she would be ready to choose. Perhaps, he hoped, she would be ready to choose him.

But Snape found he wasn't in any hurry to push things. It was the reason he had not been to her flat. He felt that would be too personal somehow though he was happy to entertain her at Spinner's End. Yet that was not quite it either.

For all of his courage in spying, Snape had no more confidence in dating than he had when he'd lost Lily. The age gap still intimidated him. While wizards did live moderately longer than Muggles, that fact rarely stopped witches and wizards from marrying at about the same age as Muggles and holding the same ideas as to generational gaps. He was certain, deep down, that should Hermione choose him now, she would regret her decision before she herself was thirty. And the idea of such a desertion was unbearable to him.

* * *

_Author's Notes: Again, merci beaucoup to LC and Shuldham. Thanks for reading and for taking the time to review my story._


	26. Chapter 26: Big Girls Don't Cry

** Chapter 26 "Big Girls Don't Cry" **

_"And I'm going to miss you like a child misses a blanket, but I've got to get a move on with my life. It's time to be a big girl now, and big girls don't cry." _-- Fergie

Hermione walked into her flat after another evening out with Violet and Edward. She was lucky her co-workers were so lovely. She had even got them to understand the importance of equality for all magical creatures. Hermione was using her fame to keep these issues in the forefront of Ministry discussions. Shacklebolt was behind her although his attention was being demanded from other directions as well.

For once, she was on her own, and it felt good. She lived alone in a small London flat. Though it had taken a bit of effort to acclimatize to living alone instead of having a room in a castle full of friends, she found that she enjoyed the peace and quiet. Despite her deep love for Harry and Ron, she was quite pleased to be seen as her own person, not a part of the Golden Trio.

She found it hard to believe that it was almost a year ago that Ron and Harry had woken up. They had been gone for months on Auror training, not able to contact anyone. Severus had been similarly silent since he had returned to school. Hermione had in fact reached the point where she was beginning to think that the whole romantic fiasco had been overly dramatic.

Ron was off doing his training and loving it. Severus was teaching; whether he was happy about it was another matter entirely. And Hermione was finally tasting the freedom of being alone and independent. It was wonderful. There were times when she missed joking with Ron or discussing academic journals with Severus, but all in all she found she was surprisingly content with her work and spending time with Violet and Edward. At times, she felt like a completely different person.

Hermione bent down to pick up a meowing Crookshanks. Walking into the kitchen to give him his evening meal, she passed the piles of letters on her desk. Book sales had tapered off, but she was beginning to receive correspondence about the Nagini Potion article that had been published the month before. No doubt Severus was hearing from all of his colleagues. She should write to him. He was quite overwhelmed with classes, or at least that's what she had told herself when she hadn't heard from him in months. He had sent her a copy of the article, but that was hardly the same thing.

When Hermione had time to think about it, she found Severus confusing. They had had such fun together over the summer. She had even got him to hike for a day in the Lake District instead of staying in his laboratory at Spinner's End. She had almost begun to think that perhaps he was still interested in her. Nothing had happened exactly, but she had started to think of his place as a home away from home. His recent silence confused her. It had been so many months, and he had said he wouldn't wait forever. Perhaps he had felt the need to be polite… no, that wasn't right either. She supposed that his silence was because he just thought of her as a friend, because he didn't want her to read more into it than that.

Well, Ron and Harry were due back soon. They would want to spend time with her. Ginny was off in Wales with the Harpies. She hardly seemed to live in London now that her training was over. Oh, well. Hermione left Crookshanks to his food and settled in front of the fireplace in her sitting room. Once she had the fire going with a swish of her wand, she simply stared into the flames. It was good to be home. It was nice to be alone after a long day of listening to complaints from bossy witches about their "uppity" house-elves and from goblins who felt they had been cheated out of their inheritance. Hermione was still amazed she had kept her calm with that witch from this morning. The nerve of some people! Still, she knew she was making a difference. Her work mattered, and that was what was important.

Hermione had just picked up her light reading--_Restrictions of Goblins in the 17__th__ Century_--when someone Flooed her. It was George to say that the Hogwarts kiddies would be in Hogsmeade on Saturday, and didn't she want to come see the mayhem his new gadgets would cause? Hermione said yes. Not because she precisely cared what new tricks George had devised, but because she realized that the reinstated Head of Slytherin might be chaperoning the students.

* * *

Walking into the kitchen with the Monday edition of the _Daily Prophet_ under her arm, Hermione slammed her fist on the kitchen table. She could never remembering being as angry as she was at that moment. She would wring that scrawny neck—no, hex it into oblivion! No, hexing was too good for—Damn! Hermione poured herself a stiff drink. She needed it. She grabbed the paper and flopped onto the sofa. Surely public hangings could be allowed in special circumstances?

_War Heroine Cheats with Former Professor_

_By Rita Skeeter_

_Miss Hermione Granger has left quite a string of broken hearts. First Viktor Krum and Harry Potter while she was still a student. Since the end of the war, she has been constantly seen with fellow war hero Ronald Weasley. But since her fiancé has been in Auror training, Miss Granger has set her sights elsewhere. She was caught on Saturday in the Three Broomsticks in the intimate embrace of her former professor Severus Snape. Of course the two had plenty of time to form a close relationship last year when they were working to cure Weasley and Potter. Miss Granger must have realized she had missed a good thing as she looked quite happy to be in the professor's arms. _

Hermione couldn't even finish the article. There for every witch and wizard to see was a moving photo of her and Severus holding hands at a booth, looking for all the world like a couple deeply in love. Hermione let out a scream of frustration. She should have squashed Rita Skeeter when she'd had the chance.

Hermione took a big gulp of her drink and sighed in defeat. Her rage was useless because for once Skeeter had written the complete truth—except for the tiny fact that holding hands certainly didn't count as an embrace. She had thought Snape would be pleased with a surprise visit, if he were a chaperone. It was also quite likely that she would simply spend the afternoon catching up with Hagrid or one of the other professors. She could be happy with that outcome as well, she had assured herself.

But Snape had been a chaperone and had seemed pleased to see her. They had taken a table at the Three Broomsticks. Looking back, Hermione should have known not to pick such a crowded place.

_"How's this?" he asked, indicating a small booth in the back._

"_Perfect!" she replied and let him lead the way. Once they had ordered lunch and Butterbeers, he asked what she was doing in Hogsmeade._

"_Oh, George wanted to show me some new tricks for the students that went on sale this morning."_

"_Anything I should know of?"_

"_Oh, nothing has been designed specifically for Defense Against the Dark Arts. I think George has maintained a healthy…respect for you." Hermione smiled. "And how is this term?"_

"_Not as many dunderheads as last year, but…I do wonder sometimes if they are able to retain anything beyond make-up tips and Quidditch stats." Snape sighed dramatically._

_Hermione laughed. "Well, there are days I feel that way about the Ministry, but really it's going rather well so far. I have some wonderful colleagues, Violet and Edward."_

"_Brought them over to the Cause then?" Snape smirked. "Did you make them read your book to let them work for you? Are they members of S.P.E.W. yet?"_

"_You're as bad as the boys! And they're more senior than I am. I wouldn't ask them to read my book, but I may have given the office a free copy to use as a reference…" Hermione's voice trailed off as a blush crept up her cheeks. Was she so very obvious to everyone? Was it so wrong to want justice?_

"_I've received quite a number of inquiries about our article," Snape offered._

"_I have received a few myself. I brought them for you in case you were here…that is…to send to you. I wasn't sure if these groups had also contacted you or not." Hermione reached into her bag and extracted a small pile of envelopes. "Here they are. Now Mrs. Banks says—"_

"_I am perfectly capable of reading, Hermione." Their food arrived as he was still perusing the letters' contents, and they ate in silence while he read. Hermione began to feel restless; surely he could read those after she left. Wouldn't he rather speak with her now? _

"_You may keep them, Severus. I have already replied to them." He nodded and pocketed the parchments. He asked after the details of her job, and Hermione's stories took them through the rest of the meal. Rosmerta came by and cleared the table. They ordered another round of Butterbeers, reluctant to leave. Eventually, the drinks were finished, and Hermione looked at her watch. She really should go into the office and finish those reports. She had five meetings on Monday that she hadn't had a chance to prepare for yet. She would be in the office all of tomorrow as it was. "I really should get back to the office." She tried to get up, but Snape grabbed her hand._

"_Don't go," he whispered. Hermione sat back down and stared into his eyes. Suddenly the nights they had spent together came back with an astounding force. Severus continued to hold her hand as he drew meaningless designs on her palm. Hermione couldn't remember finding a touch so erotic; she could barely breathe. Then, as she continued to stare into his dark eyes, she began to feel something inside her head, not an unpleasant sensation—her eyes widened. He was sharing her memories of those nights. She thought she would faint—from embarrassment or desire she wasn't sure. _

_Then there was a big popping sound, and a Slytherin fourth year came running over to the table. Severus subtly disentangled their hands as he listened to how Johnny Wright had taken a fall just a few tables over. He nodded good-bye to Hermione and went to see to his charges. The child had needed to go to the infirmary, and Severus had immediately returned with Johnny to Hogwarts. _

Now Hermione realized the popping sound hadn't been Johnny falling. It had been Rita taking a picture. What was she going to say to Severus–to anyone for that matter? He would have seen the paper. There was nothing much to do besides wait out the press once again, but maybe she should go by, and they could at least talk about it. That seemed like a reasonable solution. Yet her going to Hogwarts would seem to confirm the rumors Rita had started. What a quandary!

Then she heard a knock on her door. Perfect! He had come over. She raced to the door. "I was hoping you'd come by," she said as she opened the door.

"How did you even know I was back in town?" Ron asked. He scooped her up into a hug. Hermione was speechless. She had thought the boys wouldn't return for another few weeks.

"Where's Harry?" she asked as Ron began to blush.

"Err... umm… seems he promised Ginny some time alone when he returned."

"And he couldn't bother to stop by here first?" Hermione pretended to be affronted.

"Ah, give it a rest." Ron moved to sit on the sofa. "Eh! What's this?" His eyes scanned the article. "Bugger! That woman really has it out for you, Hermione! First, Viktor, then Harry, then we're engaged, then Snape! Blimey, what does she think you are some scarlet woman? So you and Snape have worked together. You're friends. Everyone knows that! Has she never heard of witches having male friends?"

Hermione groaned and polished off her drink. "I guess not." She screwed up her courage. This was the perfect time to tell him what had happened. But before she could begin, he wrapped her in a bear hug.

"Good thing I'm staying the night. I wouldn't want you to be all alone after having to deal with that."

"You're what?" Hermione was outraged.

"I didn't mean for it to come out like that. But when I said…about Harry and Ginny, I thought you understood."

"They don't need the whole bloody house to themselves to do that!" Hermione winced. She hadn't meant to yell.

Ron's ears turned red. "Well, it's just that… being her brother and all… It's right awkward. I can't go to the Burrow. Mum would know, and that would be a mess. And George and his girl have… plans too. Please, Hermione? Your sofa looks awfully comfortable after camping these past few months."

Hermione sighed. So much for telling him. She would be an idiot to try to explain everything when he needed to stay the night. "I'll get you a blanket and pillow."

If Ron was disappointed that she didn't ask him to share her bed, he didn't show it. But as she left the room, he picked up the paper to examine the picture more closely. He sighed. "When are you going to tell me truth?" he whispered.

He was too consumed by the paper to notice a pair of dark eyes appear in the fireplace, frown, and disappear just as quickly.

* * *

Author's Notes: As always, thanks to Shuldham and LC for betaing! Good news to readers, I will be updating like mad this week so you won't have to wait for much longer!

* * *


	27. Chapter 27: I Know a Wall When I See One

** Chapter 27 "I Know a Wall When I See One"**

_"I know a wall when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now."_ -- Toby Keith

Severus Snape pulled his head out of the fireplace. He wasn't sure which emotion was strongest: shock, anger, fear, hatred, pain. He just sat there at the empty fireplace. He was a fool. He'd been sure…He should have known. Why wouldn't Hermione choose Weasley? He was her friend. He wasn't a middle-aged, grouchy professor.

Then he remembered Hermione's face in the Three Broomsticks. She had enjoyed their time together. She hadn't seemed to mind when he shared her memories, which in a way was the most intimate thing they had ever done. Surely, Weasley wasn't as good a lover! Just the mental images that conjured made Severus sick.

Maybe she just wanted what she couldn't have, and she most certainly couldn't have both of them! And to think he had redecorated his house for her! Who could ask for more? But in his head, a voice that sounded suspiciously like Dumbledore reminded him that he hadn't actually told her about it. And, the voice continued, it wasn't as if Severus had bothered to stay in contact with her since school had commenced.

Snape groaned. It hadn't been for lack of trying. He had started over fifty letters, each sounding more pathetic and mundane than the last. He had thought that Flooing might be too personal. And what if she wasn't home? The truth was that Severus Snape hadn't written a personal letter or Flooed anyone that didn't have some connection to his teaching or undercover work in over nineteen years. And somehow the former spy, who had faced Voldemort countless times, found the task daunting—though he had not quite admitted it to himself. Instead he had said that his Slytherins were out of control and his classes too taxing to allow himself to waste time on frivolous correspondence. Hermione must know he cared for her. He had even gone on that hike to please her.

If he had had any hopes that she would express her feelings because of the article, he knew now that he was mistaken. She was attracted to him. There was no denying that. And she seemed friendly enough when they were together. And he enjoyed spending time with her. Wasn't that all there was?

Apparently not.

Snape sighed heavily again and pulled out his Scotch. He was on his third drink and beginning to convince himself that Hermione Granger couldn't hold a candle to Lily Evans when there was a knock at his door.

When Snape opened it, the Headmistress stepped inside. She immediately noticed the bottle on his desk and pursed her lips. "I wonder if I might have a nip?" The words were so unexpected that Snape could only nod. "I imagine it has been a trying day for all of us. Did your students say anything?" When Snape shook his head, Minerva smiled. "Good. I met with the Board of Governors today."

Snape cut her off. "When will I be dismissed?"

"You won't. I convinced them that Skeeter wasn't harming the school in any way. Miss Granger graduated over a year ago. She is twenty. There was nothing wrong even if the story were true. And knowing that you are colleagues and friends, I convinced the Board that Skeeter was merely sensationalizing as she always does."

Minerva sat down before continuing. "I wanted to check on you, Severus. I wanted—"

"You want me to resign. Even after what you said to the board. Granger is your precious pupil. Don't think I didn't notice how you coddled her, allowing her that Time Turner back in third year. As if a thirteen year old could handle such responsibility!"

"Well, she did. Quite admirably. And I don't wish you to resign, Severus. I had to twist your arm to get you to come back this year. Last year you seemed quite content to be at Hogwarts again. Now you are just as nasty to all of the students as you used to be. Was I wrong to ask you to stay? Would you rather leave?"

"I thought you said you weren't able to find a replacement for the Defense Against the Dark Arts position." Severus finished his drink without offering her another.

"Do you remember Slughorn's niece Sylvia?" When he nodded, she continued. "She was one of your first students when you came back as a teacher. I just received word from her last week. She had a terrible accident while taking the trainees out. It has left her unable to remain an Auror. She inquired if I had any positions open. Now I know that Horace's replacement for Potions was a Ravenclaw, but if Sylvia came she could replace you as Head of Slytherin."

Snape smirked. "I thought you didn't want me to leave."

"I don't. But I also don't want to make you stay if you're miserable here."

"What would I do, Minerva? All I've ever done is teach."

She pulled some papers from her robes. "I found these openings a few weeks ago. There is a position for a guest speaker in China and Russia and Italy. The speaker gives a series of lectures to all the communities. You could speak on Potions, Defense Against the Dark Arts, or teaching if you didn't want to talk about the war.

"And here are some postings for consulting positions in different laboratories." She handed him some more parchment. "I had meant to give this to you when you returned from Hogsmeade on Saturday but with Mr. Wright's fall… Severus, please believe that this has nothing to do with the Board or Skeeter. It's just that you've given so much… I want you to be happy, to find peace."

She sat across from him for several minutes as he skeptically eyed the documents. Then he raised his head. "Minerva, why are you still here?"

"It's what I was meant to do. I belong at Hogwarts."

"I see." He trailed his finger around his lips pondering. Where was he meant to be? Where did he belong? He realized he didn't know. His old purpose in life of protecting Potter, of defeating the Dark Lord, all of that was gone. Hogwarts no longer excited him. He didn't belong here. Did he belong with Hermione? Part of him thought that was right, but something was missing—no, something was in the way: Mr. Weasley.

Well, if Hermione didn't know a good thing, he certainly wasn't going to point it out to her. He wouldn't stoop to begging like some besotted fool. He could live without her. He would do just fine. She wasn't the only woman in the world. And she was far too young to know her own mind. It had almost been a year since those boys had woken up. Wasn't that plenty of time for her to make up her mind? Why should he wait for her to figure things out any longer? He wasn't going to mourn for her day and night.

He groaned when he thought of having made those renovations at her suggestion. But Spinner's End had needed some repairs, he had not done it for her—as if he was that weak! Besides, now it would be his place; it would no longer remind him of his miserable childhood. The contractors had written him to say that the kitchen walls and counters were being replaced as were the bathrooms'. After the New Year, all of the rooms would be painted and new windows installed. It was going to be a completely different place. It was going to be his. And if he had decided to paint the bedroom a shade of blue he knew Hermione had liked, well, he happened to be quite fond of that shade himself.

"You know, Severus, Hermione isn't Lily Evans," Minerva said softly, startling Snape out of his thoughts. He had forgotten she was still in the room. He wasn't quite certain what she had said, but he certainly wasn't going to ask her to repeat herself. If he had heard her, he might have wondered if Minerva meant that Hermione shouldn't be involved with him or that Hermione wouldn't desert him for Ron like Lily had for James.

"Severus, I'm not asking for a decision now. I'm more than happy for you to remain at Hogwarts for another twenty years. In fact, I'm happy to step down as Headmistress for you." She smiled when he shuddered. "Just think on it. Sylvia will be at St. Mungo's for therapy for a few months more. And don't worry about Rita Skeeter. I may have let it slip to the Board of Governors that there is evidence that she is an unregistered Animagus. I think she'll be due for a long prison sentence. Revenge is so sweet!"

Snape smirked, quite pleased with this news. "Who told you? I'm not completely surprised."

"Believe it or not, Draco Malfoy. Apparently the article angered him. He sent me an owl this afternoon."

Snape found the revelation surprising. Why would Draco be interested in the article? Snape shrugged and let his spy instincts rest. "I'm sure the _Prophet_ sales will decrease dramatically. How disappointing."

"Yes, I'm sure you're heart-broken. Well, good night, Severus."

* * *

Severus Snape was good at many things and holding grudges was one of them. Considering his decades-long hatred of Sirius, Lupin, and James, it was hardly surprising that he crumpled up his invitation to the Granger Christmas party when it arrived. What might have been surprising was that it somehow got shoved into a desk drawer instead of his waste bin.

Unlike many rejected lovers, Snape was not plagued with images of Ron and Hermione cuddling or snogging or worse. He managed to think only of his classes, his Slytherins, and the possibility of leaving Hogwarts. The more he thought on it, the more pleasant it became. Leaving would solve everything. He wouldn't have to deal with the Trio or with those annoying witches from last summer or with pesky students. It sounded quite blissful.

In February, he happened upon Hermione during another Hogsmeade weekend. He told himself it was coincidence. She was likely offended that he hadn't come to her party, so it was unlikely she would purposefully track him down. She asked him to lunch. And suddenly that was exactly what he wanted to do. They went to the Hog's Head. Aberforth was pleased to see them and managed to scramble up what could pass for decent food. By the end of the meal, Snape had even forgotten about Weasley. It was just like before, just him and Hermione. At least until she made the fatal mistake of mentioning Ron. It was clear she was seeing him. Severus doubted that she realized how angry she had made him. He was the epitome of calm. But when he returned to Hogwarts, he gave Minerva his resignation.

* * *

Minerva had insisted on a party to commemorate his time teaching at Hogwarts. Snape retaliated by cutting her guest list in half and arranging his plans to be in China the following day. The party was scheduled for the day after the children left Hogwarts. He had finished grading the exams in record time. He had waved his wand to pack all of his belongings into his trunk. He had his visa papers for China. He hoped to be able to travel. He knew the authorities were a bit…stringent, but he had learned quite a lot as a spy and was going to enjoy playing games again. That would make him feel alive.

Snape entered the staff room where the party was to be held. A few guests and the staff had already arrived. He was pleased that Minerva hadn't made too much of a fuss. No silly balloons or such nonsense, just a nice spread of food and card that wished him well. It almost made him sorry to go. Minerva really had been lovely this past year. But he needed a change.

The party was in full swing when his last guests arrived. Snape was talking to Draco about his work for the Ministry. The boy was beginning to make something of himself. Severus was quite pleased. They were interrupted with a tap on his shoulder.

"I just wanted to say congratulations, Professor. I hope you enjoy not teaching." Snape turned around to look into Lily's eyes. Ah, Potter. And Weasley. And Granger. Of course.

"Thank you."

"I'm sure the students had their own party," Ron said. Seeing Snape begin to sneer, he added quickly, "What will you do next, sir?"

"I'm off to China. I'm giving a series of lectures on Potions and Defense Against the Dark Arts. I may do some consulting work as well."

"How interesting," Draco interjected. "When do you leave?"

"Tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" It was the first word Hermione had spoken. She was clearly struggling to keep her face free of emotion. "I mean, didn't you want a holiday after the school year?"

"I feel that China will be a holiday. Something _new_." Snape didn't care if he was making her feel like she might possibly be something old.

"But you won't return for the school year? Surely, Professor McGonagall would have let you have the summer off to lecture. It would be such a boost for the school's reputation," Hermione argued.

"I doubt I will be back by September, Miss Granger. I see no reason to hasten my return." He saw her eyebrows and those of Weasley and Potter rise in surprise at his formality. "Besides I find I am quite tired of students."

"I think that's our cue to get some refreshments," Ron said, practically dragging Hermione to the table laden with biscuits, scones, and fruit. Draco and Harry followed behind them. Snape stared after them; cutting Hermione down hadn't made him feel as good as it once had. He shrugged, he was bound to go soft sometime. What a good thing he would no longer be teaching.

Having watched the exchange with misgivings, Minerva came up behind him. "Severus?" she whispered, "are you sure going away is what you want?"

"What a question, Minerva." He turned away from her and headed towards Horace and Sylvia. She would be an excellent replacement as the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. He just wanted to give her a few more pointers before he left in the morning.

Severus missed the pair of eyes which followed him as he wandered over to the pretty witch who smiled at him so welcomingly.

* * *

_Author's Note: As always, copious amounts of thanks to my phenomenal betas: Shuldham and LC. Please read and review!_


	28. Chapter 28: Torn

**Chapter 28 "Torn"**

_"I should have seen just what was there and not some holy light… You couldn't be that man that I adored. You don't seem to know, seem to care what your heart is for… Nothing's fine I'm torn. I'm all out of faith." _ -- Natalie Imbruglia

Hermione cried her eyes out on her bed an hour later. She had told Harry and Ron that a migraine had begun, and she needed to go home. The problem was that the headache had started months ago with that damn newspaper article. Severus hadn't tried to contact her at all about it. Hermione had only been able to presume that he had been furious at the accusations. If he had been interested in her that day, the resulting article had crushed whatever inclinations he had had left. He hadn't bothered to reply to her Christmas invitation though he had been pleasant in February. At first, Hermione had thought… But he hadn't Flooed or written. The invitation to his retirement party had been sent by the Headmistress, and it was the first that Hermione had heard about him in months. She had been quite surprised that Severus hadn't told her about his plans for leaving. However, she supposed she had no right to expect that. He had certainly made that point clear. Nothing could have surprised her more than his treatment of her tonight.

He had acted like she had never been anything more than that annoying Know-It–All student. Well if that was how he felt, then she wasn't going to try to stay friends with him anymore. That he had changed his mind about how he felt about her, she could understand. She was after all quite a reasonable person. It had been a year and half. He had said he wouldn't wait forever. Hermione could accept that even though she still had not been able to discern who it was she wanted. However, his treatment of her had made it clear that he no longer even respected her and that hurt deeply. She had dedicated that damn book to him for the entire world to see, and he had only invited her to tea after Slughorn's party. And she had thought, at the time, that it had meant something! Well, he could ignore her and be a bloody--fine, she certainly wasn't going to call him Severus anymore! In fact, she wasn't going to remember that she had ever talked to him outside of the classroom!

Hermione threw one of her pillows and it hit her antique lamp, which promptly smattered into a thousand pieces on the ground. Well, she'd fix it tomorrow. She wanted it to stay broken for a while.

Then there was that beautiful witch he had—no, she wasn't going to think about that. She didn't want to know whom he had decided to favor with his amazing—letting out a groan she sprang up from the bed. The bathrobe! She still had the damn thing! Well, no longer; she'd burn it in the fire.

It took Hermione half an hour to dig through all the boxes in the various wardrobes of her flat until she found the one she was looking for. Perhaps it would have been more efficient to use a simple "Accio," but the physical exertion was satisfying as was making her flat a royal mess. Eventually, she found the blue box she'd thrown the bathrobe in when she had left Hogwarts for the last time. She had promised herself that as Severus had told her at the hospital to take some time, she would not use the bathrobe. The only way to break herself of the habit had been to place it in a box in the back of her closet.

Walking to the fire, Hermione took out the robe. Its innocent white sleeves seemed to beckon to her. Mesmerized, Hermione slipped the robe on and waited for the comfort and waited. Then she realized the charm no longer worked. She wondered if Sev—Snape had charmed it to end when Ron woke up. Or maybe it was just that the charm wore off after time. It had been a silly impulse anyway. She shook the robe off in disappointed.

There was a knock on the door. Hermione opened it to find a worn out redhead. "Ginny! I can't believe you're back from Wales? How was the match? What are you doing here?"

"Hey, Hermione." Ginny stepped into the living room. "I went to Harry's, but the boys said you weren't feeling well. I wanted to check on you. They just got back." Then Ginny had a chance to look at the apartment. "Did a tornado blow through here? What is all this?"

"Oh, I was cleaning out my wardrobes earlier today. I didn't get a chance to clean things up before the party, and now I just don't feel like it. I'll deal with it in the morning." Hermione pushed her hair out of her face with her free hand.

"Is that the robe you were always wearing last year?" Ginny pointed to Hermione's other hand. Hermione nodded. "You're not giving it away are you? Because I really liked it when I tried it on. Don't give it to Oxfast—"

"Oxfam," Hermione corrected. "Well, take it if you'd like. I don't need it anymore."

Ginny squealed with delight and took the gift. "Cheers, Hermione. I don't have a bathrobe for Harry's place this'll be perfect."

"Speaking of which," Hermione interrupted, "you look exhausted. You could have sent Ron over to check on me. It's not like he's not going to come over here later anyway."

"Oh, Hermione, do you mind?" Ginny looked guiltily at her friend. "It's just that—"

Hermione flopped onto the sofa. "I understand that you want some privacy, but does Ron have to come over all the time? I like seeing him, but the poor boy sleeps on my sofa more than he does his own bed. It's not like his and Harry's room share a wall or anything."

Ginny looked puzzled. "He sleeps on the sofa?"

"Well, where did you think he slept?" Hermione asked exasperated.

"Umm… well… I thought…" Her voice trailed off. "I'll explain things to Harry. It's just that he really likes the… umm… dining table and I like the living room… umm… I'll talk to him." By the end of her umm-ings, Ginny's face was as red as her hair. "I wish you'd said something sooner. We could have…"

"Stayed in the bedroom?" Hermione offered, then sighed. "It's okay, Ginny. I'm just not up for any mates over here right now. I know the boys told you I had a migraine. Thanks for checking on me. I just need some sleep."

Ginny didn't move. She just looked at her friend suspiciously for several minutes. Then, sighing, she stood up. "If you ever need to talk, Hermione, I'm here. Well, I know I'm away a lot, but you know what I mean."

Hermione nodded and watched her friend and the bathrobe leave through the door. She was glad it was gone. Maybe that was the closure she needed.

* * *

The months followed with no news from Snape. Hermione had tea with Professor McGonagall from time to time. Once or twice the older witch mentioned hearing from a colleague who had attended one of Snape's lectures. Hermione found it small solace that no one else had received letters from him.

Slowly, she endeavored to put him out of her mind. It was difficult at first. While he had been at Hogwarts, there was always the chance of running into him at Ministry events (not that he ever came) or at Hogwarts or Hogsmeade or the very off chance that he might send her an owl. However, as the leaves changed from a vibrant emerald to a crisp orange, it became clear that no letter would ever come.

Hermione continued to be absorbed with her work at the ministry. She felt she was making headway. Ginny was away playing Quidditch, but Harry and Ron would often meet her for a pint after work with Edward and Violet. Edward's wedding in October had been the highlight of her autumn. Hermione had smiled at the couple feeling no envy; she wasn't ready for that kind of step at this point in her life.

By Christmas, Hermione was in high spirits and quite content with her life. So content in fact that she even extended an invitation to the Grangers' annual party to him in November to ensure he received it in time. She wasn't terribly surprised or disappointed when the owl returned empty handed after the New Year. Snape was just being Snape. Perhaps the owl hadn't even reached him. One thing was very clear: Snape was great for an affair, but he clearly was not in the market for a relationship...at least not with her.

Hermione spent New Year's with her friends at their pub, one located about a couple of streets from the Ministry in Muggle London. Edward had brought his bride. Ginny, Harry, and Ron were there with George. Violet came in late looking like a fashion model in her low-cut aqua tank top that complimented her eyes. She squeezed into the booth next to Hermione.

"Sorry I'm late," she apologized, a little out of breath.

"It was worth the wait," Ron said with a twinkle in his eye.

"Couldn't have said it better myself," George agreed as he returned with a handful of Old Peculiars and Hobgolins proceeded to pull up a chair to sit at the head of the booth. Hermione looked at Violet, then at the boys. Was one of them dating Violet? When had Ron decide to flirt with everyone in sight? She fumed silently then caught herself.

Was she jealous? She certainly hadn't dressed for the occasion. Unlike Violet, she was wearing a jumper, a much more seasonal choice though it would probably be too hot once the pub got crowded. Hermione hadn't put on more than chapstick and a little mascara. Suddenly she felt very underdressed. Then she caught a look at Ginny. Ginny wasn't any more dressed up than she was. Violet was just overdressed. They were in a pub for crying out loud!

"Can I get you anything?" Hermione heard Ron ask Violet even though he was on the other side of the booth against the wall and would have to crawl over both girls to get it.

"I'd just like a Butterbeer, but they won't have that here. Perhaps a Merrydown?" Violet smiled at Ron.

"Got it." George stood up to fill the order before Ron could move. Ron scowled feeling put out.

Hermione tried to remember the last time Ron had asked if she'd like a drink. It had been a while… not since… not since the night Snape had gone away. What could have happened? She hadn't thought anything had really changed. He didn't come over as much, but she thought that was because Ginny and Harry had begun to show more restraint. Surely, he was happier to not spend all his time on her sofa. He should have said something to them before then. It certainly wasn't her job to do such things for him. She huffed.

Thinking over the past seven months, she realized he had gone back to acting like she was his sister. Was she sorry? Wasn't that what she wanted? Hadn't she been uncomfortable with his attentions at different times since he'd gotten out of St Mungo's? She didn't think her behavior had changed during the summer, so why had his?

If she thought back to the night of Snape's reception, when she had heard the knock at her door, she had expected Ron—not Ginny, not Harry, and certainly not Snape. The reason was because Ron was always there to take care of her when she was in trouble. But did that mean she loved Ron? Or was she just depressed because no guy seemed to want her for long? Was she still upset that Severus had dismissed her so coldly? Had she spent all that time stringing Ron along, waiting for Severus to come back?

No! She had been confused to be interested in two such different wizards. Severus had been like forbidden fruit which made him more appealing than he otherwise would have been, Hermione reasoned in hindsight. Ron had been the boy she'd grown up with, comfortable but unexciting in comparison. Oh, bloody hell!

Upset, she downed her ale in record time. When she ran to the loo an hour later, she came back to find Violet sitting next to Ron with George on her other side. Watching the guy who had once been hers flirt outrageously with her friend did nothing for Hermione's temper. The more she watched Ron, the more she realized he wasn't the bumbly fool he had been at twelve. In fact, he looked quite nice in that shirt. It brought his eyes. But Ron was totally oblivious to her. iGreat. Sixth year all over again. I have got to stop spending time with girls whose names are colors, especially purple!/i

Sitting in the chair at the end of the booth, Hermione quickly learnt, meant she was responsible for getting everyone's drinks. Their waitress had disappeared long ago when the Muggle pub became overcrowded. Hermione tried to be gracious when she got the fourth round and had to push past some drunks. She managed to return to the table with all the drinks still full.

"Cheers, love," George said gratefully.

"No problem." Hermione smiled. "So how's the business going? Anything new?" Ginny leaned in to hear her brother's response. Hermione spent the rest of the evening ignoring Ron and Violet—not that they noticed.

When the countdown began, Hermione groaned. Ginny had Harry. Edward had Julia. And Ron clearly had Violet. She had no one. George must have read her mind because when the countdown ended, he swooped her up out of her chair, whirled her around, and gave her a gentle kiss on the lips that left her with no reaction whatsoever. She smiled at him. At least it was good to know she wasn't some crazy woman who reacted to every guy that kissed her.

"Cheers," she whispered.

"Anytime. I prefer war heroes to bombshells." He nodded towards Violet. "You have more spunk." Hermione nodded but didn't feel reassured.

Around one when they were preparing to leave, Violet pulled Hermione aside from the others. "Listen, I was actually late because I tried Apparating to your flat. I didn't realize you'd be here already. I wanted to ask you if you minded if I tried for Ron. I know you haven't been interested for him in ages, but common courtesy and all that. So, do you?"

Hermione only had to meet Violet's eyes to know that her friend spoke the truth. "You don't mind that he's younger than you?" Violet shook her head. "Well, Ron is an adult—most of the time anyway. He's the one who chooses who he wants to date, not his best friend."

Violet beamed. "I knew you'd say something like that. You're a gem, Hermione." Violet kissed her on the cheek before finding Ron and taking his hand.

"He waited for you, Hermione." She turned to see Harry at her side. "Don't begrudge him this chance because you've realized too late that you might like him which I don't think you do. If you did, you'd have done something about it before now."

"Oh, Harry. I'm such a fool." Hermione left without another word. No one seemed to notice her leave the pub.

She walked against the brisk wind for a few streets. It wasn't the most brilliant idea to walk alone in London on New Year's with drunks still wandering the streets. But that didn't matter because the brilliant Hermione Granger was obviously a fool when it came to love. First, she hadn't been able to tell Ron how she felt when Lavender Brown entered the picture. Then, she'd got all muddled about feeling something for Snape, who obviously couldn't care if she ever drew another breath. And Ron had stayed by her, not asking questions, not demanding explanations. He had given her time to settle into her adult life. He had been there for her, and somehow she had thrown it away. And for what?

A man who kissed like a god and then left her when things got complicated. She had thought that he was being noble, but now she thought it had just been an easy way out. Oh, I'll wait for you, Hermione. Grow up, Hermione. But don't expect me to write or Floo or thank you for your dedication in the work of non-fiction that has been highly praised for its scholarship but everyone but me who still thinks it's a novel. I'll have tea with you when I have the time but don't expect me to remember you when I have more important things to do. Don't expect me to comfort you when Skeeter writes something nasty about you.

When she thought about Snape's behavior compared to Ron's, Hermione knew she was a fool. Ron had comforted her because he cared. He had tried to take her home when Snape had been so cruel to her at his party. He had washed the dishes when he stayed over. He didn't make a mess. He'd bring her dinner. He cared about what happened at the office and how her causes were progressing. He was proud of her brilliance. And she, like the numskull she was, had let him drift away while she worried if a former grouchy professor might still have any feelings for her.

Some time later when she looked around her, Hermione realized she had no idea where she had wandered to. Her feet were frozen, and her teeth were chattering. She Apparated to an alleyway near her flat. When she reached the steps leading to her second story flat, she was grabbed from behind.

Before she could scream, she heard a familiar voice say frantically, "Where were you? I turned around, and you'd disappeared! I looked everywhere. I've Apparated to every place I can think of. Don't run off like that again."

Hermione turned and looked up at Ron in amazement. "But… didn't you go home with Violet? I thought… that is… I didn't think anyone would be worried about me. I just went walking."

Ron squeezed her tighter before releasing her. "I thought I'd made you run off. I thought you were upset about Violet."

"She asked me if she could date you. That's not for me to decide. I have no right to mind," Hermione mumbled, glancing down at his jacket.

Ron lifted up her chin so she could meet his gaze. "That's right. It's my choice who I date. But, Hermione, I don't want to date anyone but you. I've had dozens of offers. Why do you think I'm still single? I've tried, and I've even had some good time. But none of the girls are as smart as you, none of them know me even half as well. And I don't think any of them are as beautiful as you. Or as kind or…

"I've tried to give you time. I don't know what made you unsure about wanting me. I had thought we were getting somewhere, but then Ginny told me you didn't want me over at your place after all. You see she thought… well, it doesn't matter. I'll try to find someone else. I really will. I don't want to be a burden to you. I just got tired of waiting for you to figure it all out. I had to tell you that I love you." He backed away from her. "Well, Happy New Year. I'm glad you're safe."

Hermione just stared at him. He had never been one for fancy words. She had never heard anything so beautiful. The compliments from Severus had been physical or a reference to her intelligence. Ron loved her soul, who she was. Hermione stopped Ron's retreat by grabbing his sleeve with her hand. "Wait. I didn't know Ginny told you… that is… I thought… I just thought you'd prefer your own bed to a sofa."

"My bed doesn't smell like you." He stepped closer.

"Oh." Hermione let go of his coat and twisted her hands. "That's the nicest speech anyone has ever said to me, Ron. I wish I deserved it. I…You have been so good to me, and I've just ignored you. You've been patient, and I just can't seem to figure everything out…"

"Hermione, I'm not proposing. This isn't about forever. This is about now. Do you want to be with me now?" He searched her face anxiously.

And suddenly, the answer came to her clearly. "Yes, yes I do. But come inside. My feet are frozen, and it's terribly late."

"Any chance I could get an upgrade from the sofa?" he asked with a twinkle in his eye. Her only reply was a laugh.

* * *

Hermione groaned as her fingers switched off the overpowering alarm. She rolled back over and kissed the arm that held her. "Time to get up. Happy Valentine's Day!"

"Huh? Oh, you too." Ron stretched and slowly opened his eyes. Then, in an instant he was wide-awake. "Valentine's Day, huh? Does this mean I finally get to fully show you how much I love you?" He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, but her awkward silence was the only response he needed. He scooped her up in his arms and kissed her forehead. "Don't worry, love. Much as I love it, I'm not dating you for your body." He snuck a glance at the clock. "But I think we've got enough time for a snog before getting ready for work." She laughed and happily shook her head at the silly, wonderful boyfriend she had.

Later, scrambling around getting ready for work, Hermione looked through the letters the owl had brought that morning. Seeing the handwriting on one made her heart stop: Snape. Why would he be writing to her now? Hands trembling, she opened the envelope and sat down.

Noticing her pale face, Ron quickly swallowed his toast to ask, "Who's it from?"

"Snape," she mumbled as she scanned the letter.  
_  
January 7th  
Dear Hermione,_

I hope you are well. I have met a witch, Miranda Kim, who has read your book and would like to meet with you during her summer visit to England this year. I told her where you worked in the Ministry. She has been trying to lead similar reforms in Korea and would appreciate your opinions on strategies. Let me know if this visit would be acceptable to you, and I will arrange for her visit with Kingsley.

China has proven very interesting. It is quite pleasant to be away from the people who think of me as an evil professor and a spy. I have seen the Great Wall and many other sites. I have arranged to continue my lecture tour in India and then through the Continent. Leaving Hogwarts was an excellent choice. I only wonder that I stayed so long with those dunderheads.

S. Snape

Hermione dropped the letter on the counter and stood to put her cup and plate in the sink. Ron sighed in relief that she had not hidden the letter. Perhaps whatever had been between them was over. "What does he say?"

"Just that he has a contact for me. He's enjoying China. Read it if you want. There's nothing in there that I need to hide." There was only a slight trace of bitterness in her final words.

"That was nice of him," Ron said as he skimmed the note. "That might be a really good lead for you, Hermione." Her only response was a shrug. "I'm surprised he hasn't written before. I guess he was still angry. Why was he so upset that night?"

"I haven't the faintest. I hadn't spoken with him in months." Hermione's tone was deceptively light.

"Look, Hermione, I know he was an ass at that farewell party of his, but this is probably as close to an apology as he gets and the fastest he's ever apologized. I don't think he's the type of bloke to ever apologize. You must be his first." He grinned when he saw her begin to smile.

"I suppose."

"What's got you all out of sorts? I thought you two were good friends. I thought you'd be pleased to hear from him." Ron was confounded by her disinterest in Snape's letter.

"Of course I am. I'm just thinking about what has to get done today. I've got a meeting in—Ron, look at the time you need to Floo now if you want to get to your session on time. When will you be home tonight?"

"Six sharp. I don't want to hear any excuses about your needing to work late. I have special plans for us tonight."

"Do I need to do anything?" Hermione looked up with surprise from rinsing the dishes.

Ron came over and pecked her on the cheek. "Just be prepared to have a wonderful time. Have a good day, love."

"You too." Hermione watched him disappear in the fireplace and sat back down at the table. Snape had used her first name; whatever he'd been in a snit about had passed. She reread the letter. So leaving England had been an excellent plan. Well, if she had had any lingering doubts, there were certainly gone now. It couldn't be any plainer that he only saw her as a colleague, perhaps a friend. Well, that was that. She couldn't change it, and if a part of her felt hollow well that was just her being silly.

She added his letter to the pile of papers she had been working on the evening before. She'd reply to it at work. Ron was right; it had been a nice gesture for Snape to connect her with another witch in her line of work. Ron. Hermione couldn't help wondering what he had in store for tonight. She sighed. After this letter, she could do with a bit of romance.

* * *

_Author's Notes: Thanks to Shuldham for betaing! Please leave a review and thanks for reading!_


	29. Chapter 29: Everything But the Girl

**Chapter 29 "Everything but the Girl"**

_"I've got everything, but the girl I want. It's sad, but true. And everything but the love I need to see me through."_ -- Darin

Snape sighed contently as he read Hermione's brief reply. He now had an excuse to write her again—with details of Ms. Kim's visit. Perhaps things would work out afterall. Perhaps he had been hasty in leaving England so many months ago. Yet, China had been a good decision.

The customs were different, and the food was too. It had taken Severus weeks to even try the dumplings, much less the chicken's feet. He had been in Hong Kong for a month, then Beijing, then Shanghaiing and so many other places. The wizard authorities had not allowed him to stray into the more remote regions (where poverty was the most acute), but Severus didn't care. He was not here on some mission to expose violations of human rights or whatever those Muggle tourists had been preaching to him about yesterday evening at the hotel.

In China, Severus had found a new sense of peace in anonymity. Though Skeeter's book had been translated, no one here truly knew him. They only saw him as a brilliant Potions Master and a war hero who had risked his life a thousand times. There were no former students to remind him of his past. No one who pretended to know anything about him. China had no places haunted by Sirius, James, or Lily, or Hermione.

This change, this newness gave him a freedom he had never before experienced. He was free to be himself and to discover exactly who that was. His anger had slowly dissipated in the new country. He found himself respected, not feared or mistrusted. When Hermione's invitation for the Christmas party arrived, he had smiled, his former anger forgotten months ago. The card was a reminder that she was thinking of him; carefully he placed it in his wallet. She could never expect him to actually attend; the Apparition Restrictions between countries would have made for an arduous journey. Still, it was nicer than the gold Christmas card from Minerva. She had written several times since he had left, and he had felt compelled to reply. That had been easier than writing to Hermione; every time he had started such a letter it was doomed to end up in the wastebasket.

Snape stood and stretched. It was almost time for his evening lecture on the uses of bezoars and other cure-alls for poisons. There weren't any others that worked as well, but considering the rarity of bezoars (and his risks as a spy), Snape had done some research on other multi-antidotes in the last decade. The lectures were always well attended though he sometimes wondered if they came to see him or to hear what he had to say. Famous British war heroes didn't lecture in this more provincial town everyday.

He would be leaving for Calcutta in a few days. It was March and perhaps the summer heat would have dissipated somewhat. Snape doubted it. Still, he was curious about the famous curries one of the witches had been explaining to him the other evening. She had been to India a year ago. She had batted her lashes and offered to accompany him, in case he became "lonely." Snape had sneered and declined.

One thing was for sure. He seemed to have outgrown the urge to bed any willing witch that he had enjoyed when the war ended. Perhaps he was maturing. Perhaps he was simply acquiring taste. Perhaps the witch's eyes had reminded him of another set of chocolate eyes.

* * *

It was too bad he had missed the Christmas party again; it would have been the perfect occasion, much better than that dastardly letter he had written… But Snape had not yet returned to Britain as he had been offered the chance to go to Moscow for the winter, which with current bureaucratic regulations was a rare treat, because he had been so well received in China, India, and Poland. But the bitter January cold had been too much for him. December and November had been bad enough. He was ready to leave for his two month tour of sunny Italy. There, he felt sure, February and March would be very pleasant. But no matter how hard he tried, Severus's thoughts kept returning to the most recent letter he had posted to Hermione.

Five days. It only took Hermione five days to respond to one of his letters. But it had been two weeks and three days since he had sent the last one. _Bugger._ It was the damn cold. It didn't allow him to think straight. To have written her a love letter! He must have typhoid (except Snape doubted one could catch that in Russia and the symptoms would have shown up before he had left India). To think that she would still care for him was even more absurd. And he had spilled his emotions on parchment for anyone to intercept though he had used a concealment charm. Snape let out a mirthless laugh. He called himself a spy, the triple agent who had outwitted one of the most powerful wizards of all time. Hermione must be laughing at him right now. She would cut off all contact with him.

Unless…he should never have trusted that shoddy owl service in Moscow. He should have thought twice when recognizing the mannerisms of a proprietor who was as shifty as Lucius Malfoy. Snape, however, had been quite jittery about the courage it would take to simply mail the letter. His usual observation skills had been severely hampered. That must be it. She had never received it. Well, he wasn't going to be stupid enough to repeat the gesture. He would write a friendly letter when he got to his hotel in Rome. He would tell her of his love in person when he returned to Britain in two months, he assured himself, momentarily forgetting his confidence in her rejection.

He was leaving for Italy in two hours. He would conduct a series of lectures in Rome, Naples, Florence, and finally Venice. Severus sighed; he was ready to go home. He shouldn't have made plans for another year abroad when he left China last March. It had seemed like such a good idea at the time. He had been enjoying the traveling, and he still did. However, after almost two years away from Britain, he was beginning to miss the small aspects of his homeland: buttery scones and people who did remember him. Well, certain people at any rate and one in particular.

And what was two more months? He was writing Hermione on a regular basis, had been since China. When he came back, she would be waiting for him. She couldn't still be interested in that Weasley boy. Reassured, Snape left what had been his Russian flat, and because the streets were crowded with Muggles, he took the very efficient metro to the stop closest to the International Apparation Center.

He missed Hermione's reply by fifteen minutes.

* * *

Severus ducked into a small shop hidden among the winding streets of Venice near St Mark's Square. It did not look like much to the passing tourists looking for "real Italy." The door had not been painted in many years, and the wares inside were not extraordinary. Still, the wizard at reception had promised that it was the perfect place for Severus to find a trinket to take home to his lady friend.

The proprietor was an elderly woman who straightened up in her seat when she saw Snape enter. "Do I know you, young man?" she asked as she peered at him through dusty spectacles.

"I doubt it," Snape replied in a bored voice.

"Ah! I saw your picture on a book cover," the lady cried in delight at having solved her little mystery. Without another word, she stood and ushered him into the back room.

With some apprehension, Severus followed her. He had his wand within easy reach just in case. He was taken aback upon entering the second room. It was clean, spotless, and modern looking. There were cases of jewelry and masks and every other quality souvenir one could hope for. Severus quickly surmised that the front room was a cover for Muggle tourists who insisted on popping into every shop they found.

"What can I do for you today, Mr. Snape?" the witch asked with a flourish of her wand as she walked behind the second counter.

"I was looking for a gift for… a witch."

"Is she your wife?" The witch pursed her lips when Snape shook his head. "Your girlfriend?" Another dejected shake. "Someone you hope to become close to?" An affirmative nod. "Then I have just the thing for you."

She opened a display case with a wave of her wand and lifted out a necklace made of Venetian glass. The beads of green and amber will bring out her complexion he thought. He fingered it lovingly. "Yes, I'll take it."

"But I haven't told you what it does!" the witch said in dismay. "This necklace has been enchanted to give clarity to the wearer by a wizarding glass workshop on the isle of Murano. Your witch will clearly understand her true feelings when she is wearing or touching the necklace. It may not bring you the result you desire, but it will settle your uncertainty once and for all."

Five minutes later, Snape was the happy owner of a necklace that he was sure would make Hermione his. He could still remember her reaction that day back at the Three Broomsticks. That had been real. If she had any lingering doubts about caring for him, she wouldn't when he gave her this. Besides, she deserved something very special for waiting for him this long.

* * *

It was good to be home, Severus thought a week later. It had only taken a few cleaning spells to get the place as good as new. He had already unpacked from the trip. The necklace lay in its box on his dresser waiting for his visit to Hermione's the next evening. He was too exhausted tonight to shower her with compliments.

He leaned back in his leather armchair. The renovations were brilliant. The rooms were all pleasant to be in now. It actually made him not want to leave home. Memories of his retched childhood and of the time when Pettigrew lived with him no longer lurked in any of the corners. He had formed numerous contacts during his travels. He and Hermione could keep the house, and he would only travel some of the time.

Then his nerves kicked in. He shouldn't be making plans so far in the future. All he had were some old memories. He might find that he was no longer attracted to her. They might get together and not suit. It happened all the time. He was working himself into a state when there was a knock on his door. Minerva no doubt. She probably couldn't wait to hear about Italy. Good thing he had remembered to get her a book on Italian culture.

But for the countless time in his life, Severus Snape had mixed up the two witches who cared about him. It was Hermione Granger's face that smiled shyly at him when he opened the door. She looked a bit apprehensive, so he said, "Come in. The April winds are too strong for you to just stand there, Hermione."

She stepped across the threshold, saying, "I remember your letter said that you'd be getting back yesterday. I wanted to give you some time to recuperate, but I did want to pop in on my way from work. Was your trip nice?"

"Yes, although I just got back this morning. There was a wizard who needed a last minute consult. His son had been playing with a dark object and the results were…unpleasant. Still, it's all fixed now. Whiskey?" She nodded and looked around the place.

"My, you've renovated the place. It looks lovely. Did you contract someone to do it while you were away?"

"In a manner of speaking. I actually began the project when I was still at Hogwarts, but you know how these things go. They weren't finished until I had been in China for some time. They did a good job though." He handed her a Whiskey while sipping his.

"Thank you. Your letters sounded as if you enjoyed being abroad." She fidgeted in her seat on the sofa.

"Yes, quite." Severus decided to come to the point at once. "Hermione, when I was in Moscow, I wrote you a letter, and I wanted you to know…"

"It's okay. I thought you might have not meant it," Hermione gushed.

"It was lost in the—what did you say?"

"I said, I figured you didn't mean it. You never replied to my response so I thought you wanted to forget the whole…incident. Your letter in Italy didn't sound like your heart was breaking at all." Hermione tried to search his eyes to see if she had surmised correctly, but his hair hid them from view.

"And why would my heart be breaking?" Snape's voice became deadly quiet.

Hermione's face went pale as if she only now comprehended the possibility that he had never received her response. "Well, the letter made it sound as if… as if you… loved me." She had to fight not to add "sir" to the end of the sentence because his formidable demeanor reminded her so strongly of her days as a student at Hogwarts. "If that was so," she continued as if she were solving an Arthimacy problem aloud, "then my letter telling you that I was engaged would have caused some negative response from you towards me. As the next letter you sent was so light-hearted. I thought that perhaps there had been some mistake though I could not understand it at the time."

Snape had turned away from her and was grabbing hold of the bookshelf. "And to whom are you engaged? When did this happen?"

"A week before your Moscow letter arrived. To Ron, sir." She cringed, more because the "sir" had actually been said than because she feared his response.

"Weasley? That long streak of piss? You're engaged to Weasley? The boy who wasn't vigilant enough not to check food before eating it? Ron Weasley who deserted you in the Forest of Dean because you couldn't give him yummy food? That boy?" Snape was walking towards her menacingly.

"Yes, I am." Hermione stood up and let her anger out. "He's a good man. He may have let me down once, but he didn't leave me without a word of explanation or even a hello for months. He didn't slink away when the press added pressure. He isn't ashamed to be seen with me. He cares about me. He loves me. He has been supportive of everything. He listens to me when I want to talk about work."

"You needed time to grow up. You weren't ready for what I wanted to give you. I cared about you, Hermione. I redecorated this house for you! I came back to England for you. Do you think I like the rainy weather and being a spectacle for gossip? I came back for you, and this is all you have to say to me?" Snape's quiet voice was laced with venom. He kept her gaze as his hand traveled to caress her cheek. "Yes, Weasley is a saint. He deserves a medal for being such a good friend. But what would he say if he knew how much you liked being with me?" Severus's lips were inches from hers. He was gratified to hear her shallow breathing. "He may love you, but you don't love him." To prove his point, he dipped his head to kiss her—and received a slap in the face.

"How dare you? I love Ron. He already knows about you. I told him. I wanted to be honest with him. I couldn't start a marriage based on a falsehood. And he forgave me. Said there was nothing to forgive in fact. Said he was just honored that I had chosen him. Could you have said that? If the situation were reversed?"

His silence confirmed her suspicions. Finally, he said, "Weasley's not dumb. He knows you're the best thing that could ever happen to him, to any wizard. He would say anything to keep you. But do you think he meant it? Do you think he'd allow you to see me again? Isn't that why you snuck over here tonight?"

"That's not true. He's fine with me seeing you because he trusts me. Something you could never understand. If you trusted me, if you cared about me, you wouldn't have left me wondering for three years!"

"You couldn't have been so oblivious! I showed you how I felt in…" Severus had forgotten all logic in his anger and simply switched tactics. "You're attracted to me, not him."

In her anger, Hermione gave out more information that she would have ever done if she were sane. "So what if I was attracted to you? That was years ago. I didn't sign a contract. And you know what? I love snogging him and I love shagging him and –" She couldn't finish her taunt because Snape had grabbed her by the shoulders and was shaking her.

"What do you mean? You let him touch you like that? How could you?"

Hermione wretched herself away from his strong grip. "And that is why I'm not interested in you, Severus Snape. And you call Ron a boy! I came over tonight to ask you if you wanted to be a part of the wedding, but now I don't even know if I want you there at all. Your invitation should have been delivered by mail weeks ago. Come if you want. I could care less!" She stormed out of the house, not looking back once.

Severus ran to his pile of mail and dug through until he found the invitation. Ripping the envelope, he scanned the invitation. April 30. She was getting married in three weeks. Severus finished up a bottle of Whiskey that night as he thought of all the things he should have told her long ago.

* * *

_Author's Notes: I'm leaving for a while and so I'm rapidly updating in hopes that the full story will be online before I go. Thanks to Shuldham for being such a marvelous beta! Thanks for the reviews and for reading my story!_


	30. Chapter 30: Goodbye, My Almost Lover

**Chapter 30 "Goodbye, My Almost Lover"**

_"I should of known you'd bring me heart-ache. Almost lovers always do."_ -- A Fine Frenzy

**Nineteen Years From Our Story's Beginning**

_I, Severus Snape, being of sound mind and body do hereby bequeath all of my worldly possessions to Hermione Jean Granger-Weasley._

Severus put down his quill. He had finished writing his will a few moments ago. It was, he considered, a droll way to celebrate one's fifty-seventh birthday, but somewhat fitting. He was nineteen years older than her, she had been nineteen when he had grown fond of her, and now it was nineteen years later. To his left were nineteen Christmas cards she had sent. Rose and Hugo waved with their parents from the cover of the latest. The children had grown so fast. In each letter was an update of the past year and a hastily scribbled invitation to their Holiday party in Hermione's handwriting.

He had planned to go to that first one, right after they had saved the boys, before she was married. He had accepted and been looking forward to it with a mixture of anticipation and trepidation. Damn that Wizard Pneumonia. Damn her wedding to that ingrate Weasley.

He had decided to go to her wedding just for spite after three weeks of torturing himself with increasingly far-fetched ideas to get her back.

_Snape debated long and hard about giving her the necklace he had bought. He lovingly cradled the Venetian glass necklace he had bought her. The hues of green and amber would enhance her complexion. The thought of Weasley's hands removing it from her, touching her, revolted him. However, Severus simply could not imagine any other witch besides Hermione wearing it and so had wrapped it in white paper. _

_The wedding was to be at the Granger's church with a reception at a nearby hotel. Mrs. Granger, like most mothers, had been planning her daughter's wedding in her daydreams for decades and she wasn't about to compromise just because her daughter was a witch. As a precaution, all witches and wizards attending passed through a separate checkpoint to ensure that their Muggle garb was… appropriate. Severus had decided on a black jacket and pants with an emerald green button-down shirt. His tie was also green with interweaving silver lines. It was the only Slytherin Muggle outfit he owned, and he had decided to wear it just to be bloody minded. _

_Severus found himself seated next to the Granger's neighbors. They exchanged pleasant chit-chat in the few minutes before the ceremony. There were only about fifty people at the wedding. The Weasley brood was on the groom's side. Hermione's was mostly filled with her family and Muggle family friends. Their mutual magical friends sat with the Weasleys though Severus doubted the Muggles could tell anything was out of the ordinary. He had no doubt that Hermione had capitulated with her mother's demands because she wanted to avoid the press and huge crush that would have been inevitable with a magical wedding. _

_Snape's breath caught in his throat when Hermione came down the aisle. She wore an ivory gown. It was a strapless, tea-length creation that was stunning in its simplicity. There were no fussy beads or frivolous lace. There was only a blue sash that matched the chief bridesmaid's gown. The skirt trailed out in a princess cut, but was clearly practical enough that Hermione would not require any assistance. Her hair was swept up in a French twist, and around her neck was a short strand of pearls. The pearl-drop earrings were all the other decoration she needed. Severus was grateful she didn't wear a veil for her lovely face was such a sight to behold. He committed every facet of her to his memory he never wanted to forget how breathtaking she looked._

_But then she passed him and, her father on her arm, continued up to where her groom, the vicar, and the Best Man awaited her. The music stopped, and the ceremony commenced. When the vicar asked if there were any objections to the match, Severus kept silent. He had already voiced his objections, and they had been overruled. Hermione had made her choice before today, and he would honor that—even if it killed him to watch her be with another. _

_When the middle-aged vicar announced, "I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride." Severus forced himself to watch as Ron's lips met Hermione's. It was a quick kiss, a gentle kiss. As the couple turned around to process out, she was beaming with joy._

_As Severus made his way to the reception ostensibly discussing his travels with Minerva and Kingsley, he was contemplating his gift. Perhaps it was a bad idea. She wouldn't want to be saddled with a reminder of him. Then again, he had bought the necklace for her. It rightfully belonged to her. Then a new thought occurred to him. In the coming years, she and her husband would surely have tough times, and she might begin to wonder if she had made the right decision after all. The greatest gift he could give her now was assurance, not by ignoring her and making her think it would never have worked, but by giving her a gift that would help her sort through her emotions. Yes, it would be the kindest act to give Hermione the necklace. _

_The reception was a lovely affair, everything a bride could wish for. Only a few people got toasted. The food was hot and delicious. There were no last minute crises with the venue. Everyone seemed pleased to eat, dance, drink, and be merry. Hermione and Ron spent most of their time being wished well by guests. Severus spent his time talking with former Order members and Hogwarts teachers, eating the hors d'oeuvres the waiters brought by, sipping his whiskey and watching the happy couple out of the corner of his eye every once in a while. He was often engrossed in what Minerva was saying, who, for some reason, was the only person who seemed interested in discussing anything but the wedding that had just taken place. Then again, they were friends, and he hadn't seen her since his return to Britain. That must be her reason. _

_As the party was winding down, Severus realized he had forgotten to congratulate the newly-weds. "Minerva, perhaps you would like to come over for tea tomorrow? We can talk more about Italy then. Oh, and I have something to give to you."_

_Her eyes lit up, and she readily agreed. Severus smiled and walked towards Hermione. As he moved, he heard Harry tell Ginny, "The Best Man is supposed to hook up with the Maid of Honor, Gin. It's practically a requirement."_

"_Then, you're damn lucky that's me. Works out pretty well, doesn't it? I wish everything fit so nicely."_

_Snape groaned internally. That was the last mental image he needed right then. Clearing his thoughts, he approached the newly-weds. "Congratulations, Mr. Weasley. Best wishes, Hermione," he muttered. _

"_Snape! I'm so glad you could come. Hermione seemed to think you wouldn't be in the country. I told her that was rubbish," Ron assured him._

_In spite of himself, Snape smiled. At least, Weasley wouldn't let her walk all over him. Of that, Snape was sure. "I wouldn't have missed it for the world," he lied. "Oh, yes. Hermione I have something here for you." He reached into his jacket pocket. "Ron, I'm afraid you'll just have to enjoy watching her wear it._

"_I bought it for you in Italy—for your wedding." It was not a complete lie. He had thought it would lead to a wedding, just not this one._

_Hermione carefully opened the box. "Venetian glass! Oh, Severus, it's lovely." He would have sworn she had momentarily forgotten anyone else was in the room. She smiled at him with genuine pleasure. He knew he would always remember how she looked at that moment. She had never been lovelier. _

_Then, she seemed to remember where she was. She showed the box to Ron. "Isn't it a beautiful necklace?"_

"_Yes," he agreed. As she began to stroke the beads with her fingers, something very like regret crossed her face. Quickly, she closed the box. "Thank you, Severus."_

"_Not at all." He spoke so softly but his voice carried easily. He smiled and left the reception a few minutes later. _

But all that was over and done with now. Severus shook his head in despair. Yes, he should have given her the necklace, but he should have done it that night they argued or the next. Just given her the necklace, so he could live in peace when she touched it and told him that she truly wasn't interested in him, but they had never had that moment. He doubted she had ever even worn it. Well, she had the comfort of knowing that she had made the right decision. He had the comfort of… what exactly?

Snape had spent the intermediate years touring the rest of the world with lectures on Dark Arts and Potions. He had even returned to a few of the places on his previous travels when an acquaintance had written asking for his advice. Slowly, as the requests became more numerous, Severus stopped lecturing and began to be a consultant. By now, he had consulted for almost every Potion company in the Wizarding world. He had continued his own research during his time in Britain publishing every other year.

Though he had never settled down with anyone he had quickly found that blondes were his preference to date as they could remind him neither of Lily or Hermione. This had been an easy task in the States where most of the women at least dyed their hair blonde whether Muggle or witch. He had a few "friends" that he would look up on his more regular consults. They were mostly divorcees with children who weren't ready for commitment or career-driven witches who didn't care about settling down. However, even that routine had eventually grown old and so, Snape thought looking at his will, was he.

Now, at fifty-seven, he was deciding to slow down. He had limited his consulting to the British Isles and was head of the research branch of Healer Potions, Inc.

It had not been a bad nineteen years. It had been worth living. However, during those brief December days long ago, Severus had thought he stood to gain something much more precious. But in his innermost heart he had known that he, Severus Snape, could never deserve anything as wonderful as the love of Lily Evans or of Hermione Granger. Of the latter, it was undeniably true. However, all those years ago, something remarkable happened. Lily had come back to him; she had shown that she had cared about him. That single piece of knowledge warmed his heart during the dark nights when he yearned for a certain brunette.

Sadly, he reflected, he had been right in what he had said to Hermione before they woke up Ron and Harry. She had been too young to be sure of what she wanted. It had been too much to expect perhaps that a young, intelligent girl would willingly tie herself down to an old former Death Eater, even if he had been decorated with Order of Merlin, First Class—twice.

Still, he counted himself fortunate to have emerged from that terrible fight about her engagement with their friendship in tact. About a year after her wedding, they had begun to meet for afternoon when he was in the country. Next to the old Christmas cards she had sent him was a stack of Muggle receipts from their teas together over the years. Over clotted cream, scones, and English Breakfast tea, she would tell him of her strides for equality for magical creatures. She had moved onto the Magical Law Enforcement, where she was eradicating all pureblood privileges. He would tell her of where he had been, what he was developing. He would offer advice, and she would suggest new options to explore. She spoke of the children as they came along but never of Ron during their chats. He never mentioned the witches who enjoyed his company. Sometimes her work took her abroad, but he never tried to meet up with her. It would have been too much like an affair, and that was not what he wanted from her.

He fingered the recent Christmas card. She had handwritten, "Severus, do try and come this year. You've been off to every country in the world at Christmas. I think you've run out of them. The party is December 22nd at 4 o'clock at the Burrow. Best, Hermione."

Severus grazed his hand over her words, then over the receipts. Maybe this year he would go. Ron Weasley, himself and Harry had acted like he was a saint after they had woken up. Snape had known he was no such thing but was hardly in a position to explain otherwise. Even at the wedding, Ron had not seemed bothered by his presence. Clearly, Snape had been a fool to think Hermione was ever serious about him. He vacillated for several minutes about going to the Christmas party, but, as he finished signing the will, he knew he would. He wanted to see her in her daily setting, to see if she was still content with the path she had chosen. What harm could there be in seeing his almost lover after so much time?

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_Author's Notes: One more chapter to go! As always, immense thanks to Shuldham for helping write this difficult chapter. Thanks for reading!_


	31. Chapter 31: Someday We'll Know

** Chapter 31 "Someday We'll Know"**

_"Someday you'll know why I wasn't meant for you." -- _New Radicals

Normally, Hermione was very happy in her life as a Weasley. Ron still loved her every bit as much as he had on the day he'd proposed. A love she felt she couldn't always return as she should. He was still good for a passionate snog and tumble under the covers; they were more than just friends raising children together. She did love him. She loved Hugo and Rose and their life as a family. She loved her in-laws who were really the brothers and sister her parents hadn't given her. She loved her job too. Life was really quite lovely.

However every year as winter approached, Hermione began to feel agitated. She told herself it was only winter depression or cabin fever. The caged-in feeling had nothing to do with her dreams becoming haunted once again by hooded eyes and dark hair. It was just a coincidence that it always happened at the same time every year, at the anniversary of the time that they had been together nineteen years ago.

Oh, perhaps she should have waited for that telling letter. All his letters were still in her warded chest at the foot of her bed. She had cried over that particular one. She hadn't known how to reply. _But how on earth could I have expected it?_ she asked herself for the thousandth time. _He gave me no hints. Just dropped the bomb in my lap too late for me to duck._

Severus had only told her he was leaving at that damned reception of his that Minerva had thrown. He hadn't consulted her or told her why he was leaving. She had been confused and hurt. She still remembered vividly her reaction to his first insipid letter that arrived so long after he had left so abruptly. She had realized then how silly she had been to think there could have been something real between them. Yes, she had been attracted to him. She had reasoned that there were lots of people who were attracted to several people at once. That was the plotline of so many tabloids and movies and novels. It wasn't a question of liking him. It was a question of being able to rely on Severus. That clearly wasn't possible. He hadn't felt he could talk to her about what had happened with Skeeter and that news article, much less what had happened between the two of them that afternoon. He had been so cruel to her at that damned reception that she still couldn't believe she had written back when he finally sent her that letter almost a year later. In fact, she probably wouldn't have, if Ron hadn't got her to see reason. It was all so ironic!

It had been the next New Year's that Ron had proposed. A year of dating was normally too quick to Hermione's thinking, but Ron was different. They had been together through so much. She knew she could depend on him. She loved him. He would be a caring father and a good husband. He made her laugh and didn't let her get too serious. He helped her relax and always made her smile. Severus had been a passing fling and was now a good friend. They were corresponding again quite regularly, and she looked forward to his letters. She had been working on a letter to tell him of her good news when that letter had arrived.

Severus's letter had arrived the day after she and Ron had announced their engagement to their friends and family. This time, Severus wrote of how much he missed her opinions and witty banter, how he hoped to see her soon after returning in another month or two, and how he loved her—though not in so many words. Hermione had cried several nights in a row. It was too late to back down now. She had said yes. She was a witch of her word; she wouldn't take back her promise to Ron. She just couldn't believe Severus had still cared after all this time. How could two such intelligent people have messed something up so badly?

Of course, his friendly letter from Italy had confused her again. It was nothing like his love letter from Moscow. She decided he must have been drunk and feeling particularly lonely. That was the only way to account for it. Her self-assurances made her once again confident of her decision to marry Ron. Then, their awful fight. She preferred not to remember it. She had never been so surprised in her life except maybe the first time Severus had kissed her.

Looking back, she could grudgingly admit that he had been right that day at St. Mungo's. She hadn't been ready to tackle their relationship. She had been too young, too unsure of what she wanted. It was how the cloth unfolded. That year and a half of being independent had done wonders for her. At least, she had told Ron what had happened between Severus and herself while he had been unconscious. His response was more than she deserved or had hoped for. He had looked at her, and said, "But you chose me, Hermione. How can I be upset? I'm just grateful."

And now, so many years later, Ron was giving her a smile full of love and trust as he caught her eye in the mirror. Hermione tried to smile back with equal enthusiasm as she adjusted her hair to stay in place—hopefully for the duration of the evening. The Weasley/Granger Christmas party would begin any moment now. As Ron turned to leave the room, she fingered the necklace Severus had given her on her wedding day. She didn't know why she always wore it; it wasn't as if he ever came.

They were just old friends who wrote letters and met for cream tea and long discussions that sometimes became heated debates. Perhaps she should have waited for Severus's return from Italy before giving Ron an answer, but that would have meant making him wait for at least two months. And she had had no reason to think Severus had still been interested in her. Men usually at least kissed a woman they loved good-bye before embarking on a world tour that takes years to complete. Sighing in frustration that she was even allowing herself to think of him at all, Hermione stepped away from the mirror.

Soon the guests would arrive; she should check in on Hugo and Rose. They were with all their cousins in the living room, scrabbling around and wreaking havoc in general. Hermione smiled sadly. How could she ask for her life to have been different? How could she make any other choice if she were allowed to go back? How could she pick any future where Hugo and Rose didn't exist? They meant the world to her.

At that moment, Teddy came through the doors, followed by his grandparents. The Grangers were already helping Molly and Arthur in the kitchen. Minerva knocked on the door next. Then Bill, Fleur, and their brood. Hagrid burst through the door like an overgrown Santa Claus, laden with gifts of dubious safety. Soon the Burrow was squeezed to overflowing as all the members of the Weasley clan by blood, love, or friendship talked and laughed. The children had forced the adults into a hysterical game of charades. The teenagers used the opportunity to steal kisses under the mistletoe.

Only the fact that Hermione was squashed against the door allowed her to hear a light knock as Hagrid boomed his guess of, "Yule Log!" She opened the door to see Severus Snape. His hair had grayed slightly since she had seen him that summer, but he looked quite dashing in his black robes.

He had never come before. What had changed his mind? She wasn't sure she even cared. It was so good to see him. It had been six months since she'd seen him last. "You came." She knew she must sound stupid, but she couldn't hide her surprise.

"Obviously," he said with a sneer indicating she must have lost all intelligence. Hermione laughed, stepped onto the front porch, shut the door behind her, and gave him a hug. "What's this?" He fingered the necklace with a hooded expression on his face.

Hermione shrugged. "If you don't know, I'm not telling."

He stopped stroking the necklace as his hands moved to cup her face. "You're beautiful," he whispered in awe.

"You cut quite a dashing figure yourself," she murmured back, trying to keep her voice light despite the hammering of her heart. He shouldn't be here. They shouldn't be outside alone like this. She couldn't do this, but oh, she wanted to! She wanted to stroke his face and kiss those lips and do oh so much more than she had known about when just nineteen.

"I was a fool to let you escape," he muttered into her hair. "I should have locked you up at Spinner's End and never let you leave."

She laughed softly even as she wondered why he was telling her all this now. It seemed so strange. So surreal. As if all the years had happened and yet as if they hadn't. But at both nineteen or thirty-eight, getting imprisoned did not sound appealing. "I wouldn't have appreciated that."

"No, probably not. But I should have at least stayed in England. I shouldn't have expected a nineteen-year-old Gryffindor to make the right decision," he scoffed as his hands ran through her hair.

Hermione wondered why. They had met so many times before. Why was he suddenly declaring his feelings? Why was she suddenly responding? All those teas and discussions over the years. All those letters. She had always been able to suppress the urges before, but now she simply couldn't. Feeling reckless, she ran her hands through his hair.

He fingered the necklace and asked, "Why are you wearing it tonight?"

"I always wear it to the party. I…" Hermione couldn't finish as he leaned down and took her mouth in his. The kiss was long and passionate and everything both had been dreaming of for nineteen years. He pulled away first, and she buried her face in his chest. They stood silently that way for some minutes as he stroked her hair. She breathed in the scent of him, knowing the moment would have to end and wanting to remember exactly how she felt in his arms. Finally, he whispered into her ear, "They'll be missing you."

She nodded. His tone changed into harsh condemnation. "I should have come to that first damn holiday party in spite of the bloody flu. I should have got completely drunk and declared my feelings before all your little friends."

"I think all that alcohol would have killed you."

He gently traced the contours of her face with his fingers, lost in thought. Finally, he asked, "Hermione, when you wear the necklace, are you happy that you chose Ron?"

She bristled. "I don't see how—"

He cut her off. "I ask because I've long debated on whether I should have given it to you as a wedding gift."

"It wasn't charmed to make me want you, was it?" Hermione raised an eyebrow, looking at Snape as if he were five and had his hand in the biscuit jar.

"No. It was charmed to help you see your feelings clearly. I thought that after you were so certain about being with Ron it would perhaps help you in moments later on when you questioned your decision. I also thought that you might never look at it again. But I never expected—Hermione, what do you feel?" His voice was like velvet and more seductive than he could imagine as he whispered to her.

Hermione stared for a long time into his dark eyes, loosing herself in their depths. She took a shaky breath. "I want you. I…" She paused as her feelings suddenly became clear. "I love you, Severus." He cut her off to kiss her again. Several minutes passed before she could finish her thought. "But, we can't do this. I can't hurt Ron. Hugo and Rose are just…"

"Say it again," he urged.

"I love you, Severus." He kissed her lightly on the lips. "But—"

"Shh." He pressed a finger against her lips to quiet her. "I know. I know. Hermione, I never told Lily… but I owed it to her… and to you… so you'd know. Because you deserve to know. I love you, Hermione. I have since… I can't begin to tell you how I've missed having you in my life. But, I don't expect—" His voice broke off. He stared off into the distance as his thumb traced patterns along her jaw line. When he resumed, it was in his old teaching voice. "If your husband ever gets in another 'car accident,' I'm not saving him."

Hermione leaned against him, savoring his smell and warmth. "Okay. I won't ask you to—as long as you don't cause the accident."

Severus grinned wickedly. "You'd trust the word of a Slytherin?"

"Only yours, but I do wish you'd have grown up faster. And I'm glad I married him. Imagine. It took you nineteen years to tell me you loved me. It would have taken another nineteen to have got a proposal out of you."

Severus chuckled. "You only would have had to wait until I returned."

"Then you should have stayed in contact." Suddenly, she was serious. "Why did you act so coldly to me before you left? Why didn't you just ask me if I was still interested? I had convinced myself I'd imagined the intensity of that afternoon at the Three Broomsticks."

"Me too," he whispered. "Why would you want an old, washed up professor who has a nasty temper?"

"I don't know either, but I did and I do. Why would you have wanted some Know-It-All half your age who didn't know what she wanted out of life?"

"Then she wasn't much of a Know-It-All. Hermione, I know I shouldn't have shut you out. I have regretted it for years. Did I…did I ruin your life when I disappeared?"

Hermione shook her head. "I married a man who loved me, and I have had wonderful children."

Severus captured her gaze. "And do you love him?"

Hermione took a moment to sort out what she was feeling. "I feel more than friendship for him. I do love him. We have had a good time together. There has been passion…" Her cheeks became red. She wasn't sure what exactly to say. "But it's different with you, a bit more passion, a bit less comfort. I've never been completely convinced that we could have made it work in the long term. I knew it could with Ron, and it has."

"Yes, I had the same doubts, but they shouldn't have kept me away. What did you say earlier, that I should have grown up sooner? If I truly had, I would have never have hurt Lily. I would be Harry's father."

She laughed merrily. "That makes the mind reel, doesn't it?" He nodded with a conspiratorial smile. "I know we made mistakes, too many in fact. But Severus, you will always have a part of my heart."

"Only a part?"

"Doesn't Lily still have part of yours?" His silence was enough of an answer. "It's not our fault our timing is so bad." He raised his eyebrow at her. "Okay, yes, it is. But Severus, I love you. I love you enough to want to stay friends with you. I could never bear to loose you completely."

He pulled her close and whispered in her ear. "Nor I you. I just had to tell you. We won't speak of it again." He held her for a long moment as they both committed minor details to memory forever. She outlined his face with her fingers one last time before linking her arm in his. "Come on inside. Minerva will be so pleased to see you." They entered the Burrow together.

_**"Someday you'll know that I was the one for you." **_

* * *

_Author's Notes: I will not say for certain that an accident to Ron conveniently paves the way for Hermione and Severus to finally be together. That can be left up to you. I will say they **won't** begin some elicit affair that allows Skeeter to make Hermione out as a heartless bitch who is also a home-wrecker._

_I decided to write a story about Severus and Hermione that didn't have the perfect ending after listening to "Someday We'll Know." I felt that it would be all too easy (given his lack of relationship experience and her youth) for them to be attracted to each other and just kept missing what the other person meant by actions and words (which happens all too often in real life). I really hope you didn't find this story too depressing. I know they missed out on years of marriage, but they managed to remain good friends who cared about each other in spite of everything, and they finally both admitted their feelings. I wanted to write a story about friendship and hurt/comfort. Lots of things in this story just came out on their own, including some of the romance._

_And yes, I feel quite guilty that they don't end up happily in this story. _

_As always, copious thanks to LC and Shuldham. They are the reason Ch 25-29 exist and that I've been dropping subtle (and not so subtle) hints about the ending in my review responses. Thank you for reading my story. Please leave reviews; it's okay if you want to rant. _


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